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Posts by BananaMamaR

So how long does his feeling last, anyway? i'm trying to remember how long i mourned for my first lost baby, Orion... back 5 years ago. How long did I feel sad and angry? For how many months did I lay in bed and cry a wee bit at night after everyone else was asleep? I wonder, because  this time... losing Urscina feels amplified almost... like I'm mourning EVERYTHING. Not just losing her, but all the things that would have gone along with being pregnant. I'm grieving losing...
Today I have gotten my period. There is strangeness to it, a sadness and a reassurance as well. I definitely felt sad when it first began, thinking that I didn't want *THIS* I wanted my baby... but a calmness about it as well, there was a certain resigned kind of another thing-going-back-to "normal" feeling. And I need life to go back to normal, since I don't getting to be pregnant any longer, since that chapter has closed... Pragmatically, I'm glad to see my cycle return...
The worst of the grieving has passed I believe and I'm regaining my physical strength and my sense of fun. I attended a  sweatlodge ceremony over the weekend that was very powerful and felt like I made some serious steps towards letting her go. We did end up getting 2 little urns to house the ashes from Orions' bonfire (the baby we lost 5 years ago) as well as Urscina's ashes that we got from the funeral home 2 weeks after the D&C. I had them distribute the bonfire ashes...
Today I went in for the follow-up appointment with the OB who performed the D&C. It was a hard day. I had to go alone as my hubby could not miss class and my mom stayed home to meet the kids getting off the bus. I knew i need to get as much rest as possible in advance of the activities of the day but i ended up sleeping in ridiculously late and had to rush out the door as fast as possible when i awoke. I got there late and they had me wait for a good 45 minutes while they...
And now it looks like the hospital has disposed of the *tissue* recovered during the D&C even though we checked a box requesting that the remains be released to the funeral home that we wrote in on the form...  we told the kids that we would be bringing home our baby's ashes and now that's not looking likely. I'm so angry and lost and defeated and exhausted. Can't get a clear answer from the hospital staff and it looks like another aspect of this experience that I will...
My mother has flown in from wisconsin and we are receiving meals via meal train which is a big help as my mother has a lot of limitations physically. Having her here gives me a feeling of permission to be weak and sad and tired. It is so strange to think about how strong I had to be, how calm and controlled I *had* to be... it was a real emergency, and there was no space for grief. As the days pass and my strength returns its' strange that bit by bit, I realize how bad it...
I am sorry to tell you that I will not be posting in the due Date club here any longer as I lost my baby over the weekend. almost 2 weeks ago, we had signs, spotting that led to discouraging blood work and were told to expect miscarriage. I spent about a week waiting and hoping and despairing and waiting some more... the bleeding began in earnest Sunday evening and in the wee hours of the morning we had to call an ambulance to the house as I was losing consciousness. i had...
I'm sorry peaceful_mama. me too. My little one has also left the world and i'm feeling real weak. I hope you are getting as much loving support as i am right now... hugs.   Banana
thanks ladies. I wish there was something I could do as well... but there just isn't. The slightly tender feeling I've had all week is more cramp-like and i'm seeing pink every time i use the bathroom... the mind body connection is pretty powerful, I tell ya. I have a whopping headache from both crying and then suppressing tears. I'm heading to bed, but am honestly dreading waking up in a puddle of blood (which has happened before) the thought of that makes me sick to my...
Things are not looking good. The HCG hormone levels are even lower and they are telling me to expect a miscarriage. I'm feeling pretty low, very numb and mega tired. Banana
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