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Posts by frangipani2011

Thanks for your advice Meemee.  I wrestle with the perspective you give and wonder whether I am being hasty and losing a good man.  But part of the problem is me and my upbringing.  It might just be too old fashioned but for me physical intimacy and marriage go together.  I had told him I was not going to be physically intimate unless he was sure he was committed to being with me.  He said he was, and it was a matter of time before we could tell others. I think he was...
That is exactly what I did.  I told him I loved him but I could not continue like this, and if he has a change of perspective he can talk to me again.  It was initially very hard, but I feel better everyday and feel this really was the best decision I made in a long time. Continuing the way we were was depleting the warmth in the relationship and it was just kicking the can down the road. 
I was not expecting him to make any changes re. his kids during their high school years.  All I wanted from him was to let people (his kids, family and friends) know that he was serious about me, and wanted him to at least verbally tell me that he feels committed to making the relationship work. The best he could tell me that it was his "intention, desire and expectation that we will be together", but could not make a verbal commitment. His top reason being he might not...
I really appreciate all of you taking the time to respond to me.  It is so important to get some perspective on what I am going through.   I told him a week ago that I am not able to handle this with equanimity anymore and I cannot care as much as I do, and act like I am in a committed relationship when he wants to take a wait and see attitude of deciding if he wants to commit after another 2-3 years.  It is just too conflicting an emotion for me.  As soon as I said...
Well, that is the other side of the story which if I could really understand or believe, I would see things differently...  I just find it hard to believe that someone who claims to be so much in love, still needs two or three years to decide if we should be together for good.  All couples have challenges, why not make the commitment to deal with them together?  I interpret his position to mean he wants to keep the door open to bail if things get too difficult.  If he...
I just spent a few days with my BF.  We had lunch with his 15 year old daughter who was nice and we connected well.  His 16 year old son, the same kid who had issues with his dad having a relationship, refused to talk to me or have lunch with us. That did not bother me too much as he is just a kid.  But I think I understood where BF is coming from.  When I brought up the issue of commitment, he went on about how much he loves me, and that he "hopes, expects, and desires...
Well there seems to be a split in the different advice I am getting... Averysmomma if I understood right in the last post suggested that I look at my posts as if it was my daughter's.  If it was my daughter, I would tell her to stop, not put up with being always second and look elsewhere because I would like her to have a relationship where the couple put each other first and jointly share the responsibility of the children. That was how my first marriage was - but I...
Thanks for the detailed response.  Averysmomma and others have asked me to communicate and be upfront with him.  I have been doing that for almost a year now.  His response has been fairly consistent (a) we cannot resolve the issue of geographical distance (who will move) till one of us can actually apply for a job.  We cannot apply now as we are both going to be where we are because our kids are in high school, (b) his kids are not receptive, and he does not want to...
Beautifully said.  I am new to this forum and so impressed with the care and quality of advice.  Thanks
Averysmomma - wow.  that is really food for thought...great insight on how he must feel.   I am not sure he is wonderful in every other way :)  but pretty good - very family oriented, decent, good job etc.. qualities that I have not found in many people in 10 years of dating. He is like most people - has good and bad qualities.  The problem is I want him to make a commitment now, not wait for two years to think about whether he wants to get married.  I want him to at...
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