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Posts by Abby Normal

I do think it's good to be honest with our kids about the effects of their choices on us. That said, my tactic with similar language was not to give it power in our home in the moment it was spoken. When it happens I'd shrug it off, ignore it, give it no power. Because I know my daughter adores me. Not to say I can't model different language, that can be one of our best tools.  Increase talking about words, what they mean, what hate means, and how words do influence...
A couple thoughts. First, I had a wonderful AP mama group when my kids were young. Somewhere around our oldest children becoming 4-6 we started to realize that while we were all friends, some of our kids would not choose each other as friends of their own accord. Over time we transitioned, and now we only occasionally see each other with our kids. For the most part we had to come to accept that our friendship should not dictate the friendships of our kids. We are...
SassyFireChick, if you met me and my dog I'm sure you'd not think we were dominant control types. My dog came to us at age 5 with the scars of having been a puppymill survivor. She never had to be taught or tamed, she had to be cuddled and rehabilitated and learn to trust humans. So our 3 years with her have mostly been about loving her. She has learned exactly 0 tricks from us. She's here and we're here.  I was using the word control in passing, and without a lot of...
Personally, I think dogs thrive under the control of a loving human companion. I don't think the same is true for little humans. You can be the most loving you possible, and they are going to find control and behavior manipulation insulting at some point. It's much wiser, imo, to appeal to their intelligence with logic and reasoning. Which is something we don't really have the option to do with our furry friends.  So I can't say there is much similarity in how I teach...
I think it is better than yelling or spanking, and better than being permissive. In terms of life lessons, value and effectiveness I'm not sure it's something I would rate as high on my resource list. We rarely found a purpose for it, but I wouldn't eliminate from a toolbox.  Generally, I think punishments all have a limited threshold of effectiveness. Talking, communicating- that is endless. Punishments can change temporary behaviors, but when overused kids become...
My goal with jobs and expectations was not to make them... unlikeable? I didn't force much, other than basic cleaning up after themselves. (And event hen, force isn't the word I'd use). I encouraged the helpful cleaning behavior by thanking them and being specific about how it helped the family and/or me. Often times we'd have more time for park or games because they'd helped. ;o)  My kids are older now and so very busy- choir, orchestra, school, student council,...
First I would think, if she were not happy with how I interacted with her child- how would I want her to tell me? Humans are naturally defensive. Our goal should be to change behavior, not make her feel bad. Just like with kids- shaming and blaming inhibit the growth and learning process. We can be right, or we can be effective- but it's often hard to be both at the same time when it comes to solving disputes.  Second I would think, what does my child need changed in...
Thank you so much for the feedback. I have been kind of baffled, because she comes to restitution/solution on her own when I state the problem. In the cupcake example, she might say "I didn't eat it, but if you give me a ride to the bakery I will buy a replacement with my own money." Which is all I'd want her to do anyway. I just wish I could get her to appreciate the value of actually taking ownership, and perhaps (ok, mostly) not being so short sighted in the first...
I'm not quite sure where to start. I've been a long time reader of the magazine, and I often check in on the board when when I have a specific question. I've always been able to find someone else asking basically what I was asking, so I never had a need to inquire much before. We've always been AP and my oldest is a teenager, so I've been reading the magazine for a great many years.  The question I have is about my just barely 10 year old daughter. She is a wonderful...
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