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Posts by Smartmama

Expecting a relationship and getting one are two different things. I don't know how old your son is, but my oldest is 13, and he's figured out for himself that his father is not worth having a relationship with, even if he does come around. I've never told him a thing about what I think of his father, but he's concluded that since his father doesn't want anything to do with him, he doesn't want anything to do with his father. He's made it quite clear to me that he'll have...
The thing that really sucks is that men like my ex, combined with how the system is set up, makes guys like your husband look bad. I'm willing to bet there are plenty of people who, even if they don't say it to your/his face, assume he's some kind of deadbeat, regardless of what he says.  What amazes me is the number of women who think that since they'll never see the money, they just shouldn't bother going after the father. I know I'll never see the money from my ex, but...
I wish terminating his rights was an option for me. Unfortunately, they require me to have someone willing to adopt the kids, and I'm not married or in a relationship, and won't do that just to pursue termination. I'd likely find myself even worse off, with my luck with men. lol  I do hate that men get away with walking away like this. Particularly with child support, the system is set up to work when the noncustodial parent wants to be responsible and be a parent. If they...
They do not have a relationship with him - initially his choice, now theirs. He walked away about 9 years ago, and has never bothered to call, write, etc. My now 13 yr old is completely uninterested in him, and the 10 yr old has followed suit. I do have enforcement orders, and he gets held in contempt, but it's a pathetic, broken system that doesn't do any real good, so it's basically pointless. 
Well, as I said, I was basing that solely on what you wrote here. Obviously, what represents an opposition to authority to one person may not to another, and as you said, in your case, it wasn't even an opposition. But I would imagine, since that was my immediate thought, that may be what others think as well. And that may also be where part of their structure worries come from. They feel they need to have structure in order to make sure their kids "turn out right", so to...
It almost sounds like they didn't/don't see you as a parental (authority) figure. Ordinarily, I'd say this was a bad thing, but it doesn't sound like it caused a lot of strife in your house. Of course, again, that could be good or bad.    My biggest concern would be that you mentioned when your mother tried to get them (or one of them) to call her grandma and it resulted in a five year refusal to call her grandma. I would be worried (and I'm basing this solely on what...
My ex currently owes $29K in past due support. I NEVER speak to him, but I am sure that he complains to anyone who will listen, though the amount he was ordered to pay is pathetic ($325/mo for 2 kids) and he doesn't even make a half assed attempt to pay.    If he did complain to me, I would not be worried about being nice. I'd tell him to kiss my ass, he has a responsibility to these kids and if he wants it changed, he needs to talk to the judge, not me. And then I'd...
Unfortunately, he's not the one who controls where you live. The court may decide that you can't move, because it would make his relationship with your daughter very difficult. You'll have to have an excellent plan in place to allow him some long vacations with her to make up for the inability to do an every other weekend visitation schedule.    I understand your desire to get away from where you are, but it might not be an option for you, so if I were you, I would start...
I got divorced in 2003, when my youngest was 21 days old. I was pregnant when we split. I threw him out in June, and filed in August. I only waited that long because I was so pregnant that taking my older child anywhere was a huge hassle, so I would combine several trips into one. I waited until I had a doctor's appointment near the courthouse and dropped the paperwork off then.    From the day I filed to the day it was final was two and a half months. But he was in...
I've always felt that if you feel really uncomfortable about doing something, even if you don't fully understand WHY you feel that way, it's best to go with that feeling. Have you talked this over with your boyfriend, beyond just him telling you he's okay with you relying on him financially?   I've always been of the opinion that my kids come first. Any decision I make has to be what's best for them. In this case, it sounds like you're really uncertain that this move is...
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