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Posts by mamaduck

Anthony Wolf has several good books -- easy reads, and in my experience his writing style and logic tends to appeal to men. "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggels" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Haim Gingot's "Between Parent and Child." My favorite parenting book is "Kids are Worth It" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I could refer you to classes in my area -- but I don't know about yours! You could check with local counseling offices and see if any of them offer a parenting class...
I think its good to look for relationships between environment and behavior, and as much as possible to try to set our kids up for success by making sure their needs are met. However, I think that in doing this we sometimes loose sight of the fact that our kids need to be responsible for their hurtful actions whether they are hungry or not, tired or not, etc. I don't know -- probably not real concrete advice here -- but I think that we inadvertanly send the message...
The same sort of thing happened to us yesterday, though granted -- my son is nine! He has these plastic spinner things, and he spun one in the car yesterday and let it go. It hit me while I was driving. I took it and told him I was keeping it. I glanced in the mirror a moment later and saw that he had another in his lap. I didn't say anything, and he didn't mess up again. I kind of figure that if I take an "offending" object, and the kids produce another -- its up...
I had this "battle" with my younger son once. I stayed calm and told him that I would be happy to do it for him, but that I charged $1 for the service each time. He did it himself, and he never argued about it again.
Please be careful when you think in terms of "outlets" for anger. Research is showing that cathartic activies for releasing anger actual tends to increase it. The "angry" actions of hitting a pillow or punching bags act as "rehearsal" for violent actions, and they become the immediate response to strong feelings. On the other hand, exercise is an excellent way to manage anger. The endorphins that are released by running, bicycling, jumping, etc... over-ride the angry...
I would make it a habit to get his attention before giving him a direction, each time. With my kids, I say their name and then say, "Can I have your attention for a second?" We've had separate conversations about exactly what that means, and we've role played it (don't under-estimate the importance of role playing!) "Giving attention means stopping what you are doing, looking at me with your eyes, and listening to me with your ears." So the phrase, "Can I have your...
I really don't see the experience as intending to teach that middle-school grades = good job later. I think what they are trying to teach is about having a good work ethic, and committing yourself to doing your best, which *is* something that translates into being more desirable on the job market. At whatever point the kids are at in the educational process when they go to look for a job, their performance at school (and not just grades either -- showing up everyday on...
My Gosh. How strange! I wonder if there was someone else involved? Did you ask him if a friend did this with him? It sounds like something an older child would influence.
Quote: The following week after my parent's had left he was dangerously aggressive. I would be gentle in terms of attributing this to your dad. Obviously he was out of line, but I don't think a few weeks of exposure to your dad at his whit's end would "cause" this. If that were so, many more of us who tend to "loose our cool" from time-to-time would have aggressive children! If anything, having his grandparents so involved and then having them...
She sounds like a child who depends a great deal on a high degree of structure. No discipline strategy that you could "try" in the moment can do as much for your kiddo as having a consistant daily routine, and clear expectations that stay the same over time -- and I'm talking a loooong time -- weeks/months. Couple that with constant supervision -- destructive children can only "unlearn" the habit of destructiveness if there is an adult constantly teaching them to do...
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