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Posts by sparklefairy

I like Harriet Lerner's books for relationship stuff. I am reading The Dance of Connection for the first time and it is really helping me to address my tendency to feel victimized and give others the power to hurt me when maybe I don't need to do that.   Another thing that I know about myself and "churning" or overthinking relationship situations is that there is a root desire of wanting to find a way to control the situation... and it's hard to say this, but to...
I would have liked my mother to take care of herself rather than playing the martyr them blaming us all for her needs not getting met. Let some of the trivia slide, expect my father and brothers to take more responsibility for themselves, and get some treatment for her depression (which she denies to this day). Developing some self-awareness and internal locus of control.   It would also have helped to recognize me as a unique individual rather than as a "mini me" or...
Labels aside, I believe that some people can cut back successfully, but that others cannot. I am a "cannot." I've been told that the "test" is to see if one can consistently have two drinks and stop: every time one begins drinking with the intent to have only two, one has only two. (So I asked -- what if one can consistently stop at 6? You can probably guess the answer to that one Fortunately, the person I asked has a great sense of humor.) So what I know about myself...
You can "own up to it" without that having anything to do with him. Do that in your own time with your own people. I do think that it's an important step. Better if it's not in a self-loathing, self-critical way. A calm acknowledgement of reality is probably best. My ex gave me that line too.
20 months is early, especially for boys. Personally, I would let it go and change diapers in the little time that I had with him. Another idea is to broach the subject with her directly: "in the interest of keeping his routine consistent and predictably, we were wondering if you could fill us in on your plans for potty training so we can follow through when he's with us."  
You can't just make a phone call and change the house to your name and then he has no responsibility for the loans: you would have to refinance in your name only for that to happen. At most, he could sign a quit claim deed, which would give you ownership, but he can't just get out of the loan if he's on it.   I agree that you need a lawyer. I hope that your parents can help you with that.
I did a few times a few years ago and really liked it.  
I think you're right -- it's them.  
Add to your list to have a backup childcare plan. Do not give him the opportunity to manipulate and control your life anymore.
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