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Posts by AmyC

  I read this book years ago, not recently, but as mentioned in Quinalla's comment, I thought Gordon was pretty explicit about parents BEING human (not "gods," not perfect, not bloodless.)  He really points out the fact that unconditional acceptance of every behavior or situation is not realistic, and that parents do best when they own their LACK of acceptance of a situation, rather than trying to "be" something (unconditional, accepting) that they are not.  The...
  My daughter hasn't expressed clear unwillingness to go to school in a long while, but she actually did this morning!  In the past when this has come up (and also today when it came up!) my focus has been listening to her feelings with real acceptance (rather than a focus on any particular outcome.)   In general, I imagine I would want the outcome to be "resolution" of the issue with her going on to school, and I probably have some fear about "what if?" it doesn't...
Reading this & the resulting conversation was interesting for me, (I haven't been to this site for awhile), because I got to think about an issue and then mentally frame it in the CL context, which was a little tricky for me! That's only because I haven't been too preoccupied with or mindful about "CL or not" when proceeding in life, for awhile.  But I think CL values/practices greatly influenced my approach to parenting (and for awhile I actually did try to make choices...
In response to LunaLady, I think screaming tantrums are different (on the level of being problematic or not) than hitting and/or throwing things at someone.  Meaning that I think the latter situations require some sort of intervention, just taking the responsibility to keep yourself safe and/or protect others from physical violation, and to protect the upset toddler from inflicting harm, too.  I think it's important to protect a child from the hurt he'll carry from...
Parent Effectiveness Training is an old favorite book of mine.  I have never taken the course or had an instructor (which is a neat thought), but I do think you can get a lot simply from the book.   Yes, Alfie Kohn does quote Tom Gordon in Unconditional Parenting.  (I think maybe he interviewed him?  And quotes from or references this interview in UP?  Maybe the full interview is available someplace.  Or maybe my memory is faulty!)   I think the similarities...
Hi again.  I agree that micro-managing interactions at the age of 6 or 7 is usually more intervention/intrusion than necessary, particularly when there's a lot of (parental) emotion & opinion going into the involvement.  But it sounds like some intervening with the goal of facilitating (so both children are helped to move their interactions past the point of this frustrating impasse) would be helpful in this situation.   I think if your "discipline" or intervention...
I was surprised at the age of the children, but I guess what I think still applies.   I think this kind of behavior expresses tension in the child.  It is driven by feelings.  I doubt very much (particularly with an older child!) that it is driven by conscious thought or intention.  It is impulsive ("driven") behavior.  She probably would be at the same loss you are if pressed to "explain" the logic of behaving this way, given all that she "knows" will happen.  But...
One other thought I had was that the statements I'm describing in place of "because I said so!" are basically communicating with compassion, in a caring way.   It's not frustration or annoyance speaking, and it's not like barking something that (hopefully) will shut up the objections.  That's a very defensive, antagonistic shut-down.  (I think most of us dislike the idea of "Because I said so" for those reasons....we don't want to suggest that how children feel and...
  With the sort of situation you describe (the sink, or times when my objection is about what "could" happen and not wanting to go there), I do tend to respond along the lines of "Because I said so" but I don't use those words.   But I am clear about the fact that I am making a decision: it is about whether or not I am willing to do something, and I'm not.  Basically, that is the language I use: "I'm not willing to....," or "I'm insisting on this."   To me, this is...
One of the things I recall is a comment the authors of "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" quoted from a parent who attended one of their parenting workshops.  The parent observed that the more you try to push certain of your child's feelings away, the more he tends to become stuck there.  Kids have an easier time letting go of feelings (or really, engaging and moving through a process), the more comfortably you can accept the expression of...
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