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Posts by DevaMajka

I disagree. I don't think there is a loving way to hit your child. A person might think they are justified in doing it, but that doesn't mean there is a loving way to hit a kid any more than there is a loving way to hit your spouse. I wouldn't feel love if my partner hit me, and I'm sure kids don't feel love when they get hit either. When I'm hit, I feel mad, angry, sad, misunderstood. But not loved.     I imagine that at least some of the people who hit their kids in...
Well, I am one who doesn't equate spanking with violence. Or, I should say, I didn't at the beginning of this thread. What I think of when I think of "violence" is war, bar fights, gang violence...stuff like that. I don't have a vested interest in that thinking though (meaning, I don't spank, so it doesn't matter to me if it's violent or not). So I got to thinking...domestic violence is hitting your spouse/partner. Any type of hitting. So I guess, hitting your child would...
I think that calling it violent is provocative because violence is such a negative word. People discipline the way they do because they think it's the right thing to do. They don't want to feel like someone is judging them as violent, or mean, or evil. Because they aren't those things (again, I'm talking about typical socially accepted spankings).   I'm Wiccan. I don't think anyone would get me to convert, but they CERTAINLY wouldn't get me to convert by telling me...
I was thinking about this thread earlier, and had a few thoughts. The parents that I know that spank their kids are loving, caring, fun, involved parents. I should say, they appear that way, and just from seeing them with their kids in person, I would be really surprised if they weren't, kwim? In talking to exdp about discipline, upon hearing that he does not spank, one of the first questions he gets asked is "if you don't spank, what DO you do?" Honestly, exdp isn't the...
Don't blame the mods. The mods had to enforce the letter of the UA, and there was sometimes very little wiggle room. So, not the mods' faults.   I agree that the former UA was too much, and I like that the rules are more relaxed. I do, however, think that some things (non-ap, non-gd) shouldn't be allowed. This is my safe AP space, and I'll be very sad if I lose it.  
  I think there are some things that are right and some that are wrong. It's pretty clear to me that it's wrong to stone a woman to death because she had premarrital sex. Rape is wrong. It's wrong for one spouse to hit the other. It's wrong to hit kids. Some things are just wrong, period. Every one of those things have been socially acceptable actions at some point in the past. That doesn't mean they were "right."   eta- I've spanked ds1 a couple of times. It was wrong....
If you want concrete ideas on how to discipline (what to do, how to view their actions, etc) I really really recommend the discipline sections in Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. www.becomingtheparent.com It's aimed at ages up to 5yo, and talks a lot about WHY they do the things they do. It really helped me survive the toddler years!   For books that discuss the philosophy of gd, why to gd, etc there are a number that I like. These books build a foundation so you...
I definitely need to do this. When we moved out here, we could only bring what would fit in a medium u-haul truck. It's been 5 years, and we've gone and cluttered it all up again. lol You saw the toys in the living room, right? That's about half of them- my mom put half in storage when she was here. It's much easier to clean up toys now than it was before. So yeah, I can see how less stuff overall would be helpful. Decluttering is stressful, but I'm determined to do...
I think that parents are in a natural position of authority, and I think that position is strengthened by attachment. Spanking undermines a parents natural authority. If you have to hit to enforce your authority, then it's a sign that something needs to change.   I taught ds1 not to touch the stove without ever hitting or punishing. You can convey the seriousness of a situation without being physical. Ds2 is not quite 2, but he's definitely getting the idea that he may...
  I totally agree with you. What you did is probably along the lines of what I would do (and still consider myself non-punitive). Exdp would probably do what many of the other women have said they would do (which is, talk to dc about it and supervise better in the future). Neither way is wrong- exdp is a fantastic dad and I love his discipline style. But I'm a good mom, and my discipline style works for me.    
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