Another bipolar mama here (Bipolar 2)
I hope you have some good support to help you get through the rough times.
As a person who avoided meds for 31 years, things finally got bad enough for me that meds were necessary -- found a pdoc who was willing to work really slowly with me, starting with infant sized doses of meds and slowly titrating up so that side effects were manageable.
Of course, deciding whether or not to use meds is a really personal decision. Keep us...