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Posts by mama40

Kim, put him out and use your hand. Nothing good can happen here. If you can't control yourself, get up and go sleep on the couch. I had an ex once who was so hot he just about spontaneously combusted. Every so often he showed up, and gave it a try. It was incredibly tempting but I said no. Good thing too. We were able to stay friends, and many years later he apologized. Told me he'd been a very messed up young man, just looking to score; he didn't care who it...
Beppie, it strikes me this is a small rural area in a part of the country where people set much store by honesty. If you hide the pregnancy and try to use them, they'll remember it for many years, which would be particularly bad if you ended up living there for a long time. I'd also keep in mind that one thing employers do not like is bad surprises. I've found in hiring that if an employee looks great, but my offer is met with "Oh, one thing I didn't mention...."...
purplehaze, she was saying that because if you didn't say "hypothetically," she would have to start an investigation. She's a mandatory child abuse reporter. So she was trying to protect you from an investigation that could do more harm than good. If there is a shelter, try calling them back and asking what would happen if you decided to leave, what you would have to do to get into the shelter, what would happen there, how they would help you get back on your feet. ...
Janna, we just see things differently. I haven't had to go through this with my daughter's dd; my stbx has been in dd's life nearly every day of her life. But I have protected her from other family relationships when I thought those relationships could have seriously harmful emotional consequences. In general I think it's a bad idea to train girls to tolerate poor treatment, esp. from men. I think it's a better idea to set boundaries for how they can be treated, and...
Quote: Originally Posted by trinity6232000 It seems to me that if a child's father wakes up one day, realizes he has been wrong, and wanted to get custody or visitation that would benefit the child right? Unless the parent we are talking about is a horribly abusive man, which I don't think is the case or OP wouldn't be putting in the effort for her child to spend time with him. It might be a good thing, but my guess is that most of the...
Quote: Originally Posted by Vypros You're right, I want to be a FATHER to my kids. Which means SPENDING TIME WITH THEM. Which means, the MORE TIME THEY SPEND WITH ME, THE LESS THE COST OF RAISING THEM TO HER IS. Does that make sense? Actually not a hell of a lot. Unless she's noncustodial, she will still have to maintain a place big and safe enough for them to live in, arrange for their social lives, education, and extracurriculars, pay for...
Quote: Originally Posted by Vypros So, in essence, you are saying that (and I'm not trying to be crude here) because I was born with a p**is, that that means I am some fountain of cash? You don't think that $600 a month is contributing to the care of my child? You think that every last dime I have in reserve should go to the child, yet she is entitled to take a "break" once in a while and go party it up, even though her son only has two...
Vypros, how come you to be telling women what assistance they should apply for (as if they know nothing about it) when your own child and child's mother qualify to live in a HUD building, and you're here typing away complaining about how the state's screwing you? First of all, the state is not screwing you. The state is recognizing that it costs money to raise your child, and that you are responsible for part of that cost. But unless you live in one extraordinary...
Quote: Originally Posted by singin'intherain Based on my experience, I think there is a wide grey area between telling him he isn't allowed to see the baby ever again, and putting up with all kinds of inconvenience to facilitate that relationship. No-one is bending over backwards to make sure I have a glowing relationship with my children. I, along with almost all the other mothers in the world, would knock down mountains to raise my children. A lot of us...
Quote: Originally Posted by Holland73 I cannot control ds' relationships with others, including his father. I disagree. When they are young, unless a court orders it, we have quite a lot of control. There are many people whom we would not allow to play with our dc.
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