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Posts by captain optimism

I know this is veering slightly off-topic, and that I need to make a disclaimer here: I have one, exceedingly easy and compliant, child at home.  It strikes me that "expecting obedience" (or let's say, compliance) from  your daughter when she's picking up her baby brother is not working for you.  Obviously, you have to stop potentially dangerous behavior when it happens. I wonder whether you might get more compliance overall if you take time when the baby picking-up isn't...
  Once children become adolescents and adults, you won't be there to tell them what to do all the time. They will be at school, and at their jobs, and at college, and in social situations without you. What I read her saying is that she's trying to get them to share her values about good behavior, not to obey, because she won't always be there to boss them around.  Even a six-year-old goes off to school without Mommy and has to behave well on the playground and in the...
 I think the way her husband is doing the time out is essentially negative reinforcement. He withdraws positive attention until the child does what he wants, which is to sit still for a six-minute reprimand. The fact that he's had to do this more than one time says to me that this is not working for them. Can you imagine repeated six-minute lectures at age six?  I don't think you're advocating that people raise their children in the way you train animals, though. Right? If...
  The OP hasn't found the courage to stand up to her DH? Let's put the onus of responsibility on the DH for that, though, OK? To me, you shouldn't need courage to talk to your spouse, unless his behavior is a little scary. I am divorced now (!) and I am not afraid to tell my ex-spouse stuff about our child. Even at the nadir of our marriage, we were on the same page about most parenting stuff. I know, that's my good fortune. It's not my courage.  I do not agree that...
  If you write to advocate a position that is different from that of others who have posted in the thread--which you acknowledged by saying that you see things differently--then it's not actually surprising that others post to say that they disagree with your position. That's true even though it's clear that you aren't advocating making children obey arbitrary commands.  Though discussion board writing is very informal, if you don't say what you mean with some precision,...
 Yes, I think you are looking at it differently, and that people are disagreeing with you rather than bashing you. I didn't think you were saying that you wanted to do like the OP's husband. I'm going to continue in the same vein as Linda on the Move, because it's working for my son in the present and she's given a nice picture of how it could work in the future.  It is a problem in general that it's hard to explain what we're going for when we try to elicit thoughtful...
There are obviously some situations in which we have to enforce obedience, because we can't wait for the child to understand the reason. Buckling the seat belt, being safe in the parking lot or the crosswalk, taking care with hot and sharp things--there are some situations where the parent may have to just take charge.  Still, obedience is not my end goal, ever. My end goal is for the child to understand, so that as he grows older, he can take more responsibility. At some...
Do you think she might have learned to read? It's a normal pre-reading behavior for children to pretend to read--it shows reading readiness. I've met one two-year old who did learn to read at that age.    I had the opposite problem: my son loved being read to so very much that he dragged his feet through the process of learning. I had to promise that if he read to himself, he'd still get to hear me read to him. Of course, if he'd been a gifted reader, he would have just...
See, I think it's better not to distract them, but rather to focus them on the mechanics of the story. Last winter, we watched The Incredibles with a mixed age group, and had to have a break for Chinese food. (Because we eat Chinese food on Christmas.) One of the kids got scared by the dramatic tension, so it was good that we had a break. As we were eating, I asked, "What superpower do you think the little baby brother has?" and "Why does the costume lady say 'no capes'?"...
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