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Posts by Kathryn B

Quote: Originally Posted by natensarah I would give your dd more credit. I think she probably isn't drawing the conclusion that she deserves to be treated poorly, but that her aunt isn't a very likeable person. Amen! It's probably much better that you didn't to anything to make things worse. It is highly doubtful that this incident even made an impression on your dd -- all people have their own ways of behaving and dd probably doesn't have...
I think that you were very respectful and it was important for him to understand your limits/standards. Well done!
I think that there are a lot of misunderstandings about the Love an Logic program. Love and Logic isn't about getting your children to do things your way, it's more about training yourself to be a better parent, to allow your children to have a certain amount of control and responsibility in their lives and having this result in a home of mutual respect. If there are methods we are using which we feel are not respectful or are passive-aggressive, we are probably not...
It is so hard to be our best when we are sick. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself some credit that your children aren't afraid of you even when you're grouchy!
My response to the use of "foul language" from my children (or nieces and nephews) has been a bored-sounding, "You know, that's really not very polite... it might be better if you said it a different way." I strongly encourage a broad vocabulary because, like it or not, people who go around dropping F-bombs, etc. tend to be regarded as less-than-intelligent; it just makes a really bad impression and it can greatly limit the individual's interpersonal mobility in a variety...
Usually I have handled name-calling or "shut-up" with a kind of light, "Oh, guess what? We don't talk like that here... just thought you should know." If it continues, it turns into a, "Hmmm... people who choose polite language get to be in the public areas of the house." Sometimes it's a surprised, "Oh my! I hope nobody called one of my children that... I'm not sure what I'd have to do if someone spoke to one of my children so disrespectfully... I sure hope it doesn't...
Quote: Originally Posted by Kirstyandgirls ...say something like 'I didn't like the way you asked me, maybe next time you can ask nicely and we can get it for you'... I don't know...is this not a bit manipulative? If we make a simple statement about the conditions under which we will do things, that is not manipulative, i.e.: "I get things for people who ask me nicely the first time." If we turn it into, "I don't like your tone, so no, you...
Love and Logic has some great techniques: http://www.loveandlogic.com/ They even have a free audio download so you can get an idea of what it's like to use it. For the "I'm thirsty!" How about asking him what kind of thing he's thirsty for, or what his favorite drink is, or how long he thinks it will be before you will be home and he can get a drink? This way he is the one thinking and you don't have to try to come up with a solution to his thirst-problem. For the...
My youngest (4) had a tendency to hit his older sister (12) as well -- I don't know why as he didn't treat his older brothers this way, but I finally just began consistently telling him that he would be allowed to be with his sister when he could be nice. If he screamed that he wanted to play with her, I would tell him that she wasn't allowed to play with people who hit her; so,maybe when he could be nice, they could play. It has seemed to help quite a bit -- and it let...
How is the general environment in your home? Is it generally peaceful and playful or are things more stressful? How do you generally respond to his "dark" comments; does he get a shocked, "Why do you say things like that?" or an inquisitive, "Oh my, you must have some pretty bad feelings right now, what's going on?" I have a nephew whom we took care of for a year when he was twelve (behaviorally, he was about 5 or 6 at the time) and he would say all sorts of things...
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