Thank you so much for your perspective and that article. I am easing into the step-mom role (we arent married yet) and balancing that with expecting our own, and have been looking for some guidance. Luckily, my relationship with my stepson is quite wonderful now, but of course that could change when the baby comes, when he hits puberty, etc, etc.
btw, I am in New Mexico, too, and I am 9 days older than you! Small world!