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Posts by eclipse

Well, you can certainly step out of the conversation if you choose. Like I said, I'm certainly willing to answer questions, but it would be nice if I felt that my answers were going to be considered and not argued with defensively. And, even if the OP is out of the conversation, I still think it's a good one to have. Anyone have any good links for anyone who stumbles upon this in a google search? www.rainn.org is a site devoted to providing resources to rape survivors...
1) Someone being more ignorant does not excuse ignorance.2) You don't get to tell survivors how they can/should advocate. I mean, you can, sure. But it isn't helpful.
OP, it would also be very thoughtful of you to add a ***Trigger*** warning to the title of this thread so that survivors who are not in a place to handle this sort of discussion won't be stumbling unknowingly on it.
It seems to me like you're the one trying to shut down the conversation. I'm not twisting your words. I'm responding to them. I'm saying that the difference in advocacy is necessarily different because of the nature of the subject. I don't think I've said anything sarcastic. Everything I've said has been 100% upfront. Obviously, this is a very raw subject.Think about it like this, though - do you think you not wanting your child's grandmother to care for her because...
Also, racism itself is very entangled in the reasons many women don't report. Women of color who are victimized by white men tend to be treated very, very poorly by the system. Here's an idea? Maybe women like you, who are concerned about your children growing up in a world where they have to worry about sexual assault can educate yourselves, try hard not to add to the stigma yourself, and advocate for better treatment of survivors. That would help a bunch.
I think there's a huge difference between being a minority and a victim of a violent crime. However, many rape survivors DO become activists and advocates. What do you think we're doing here? But my list of things to do in the immediate aftermath of being raped did not include "become an advocate." Not killing myself seemed like a better use of my time, tyvm.
If you have real concerns about her husband, you should figure out what they are, address them, do a background check, etc. Honestly, though, given your attitude towards your child's grandma being a rape survivor, I'm not all that inclined to trust your judgment on it. You might be able to include right of first refusal in your custody agreement, but then you must keep in mind that it would be true for you too. If you wanted to go out for an evening, you wouldn't be...
The reasons I did not report: I didn't want to be blamed. I had been drinking. I had had some consensual sexual contact with the man. He had a job closely related to law enforcement. I did not want to feel re-victimized by a rape exam. Due to the nature of the rape, there was unlikely to be any physical evidence supporting my side of the story (again, he knew enough about law enforcement to use a condom, to put me in the shower afterwards, etc) It took awhile to mentally...
I'm coming back to this thread because it's really been bothering me. OP, if you'd like to be educated about why a woman might not report a sexual assault and why that doesn't automatically make her someone who is dangerous to be around your child, I'm sure there are quite a few of us who are willing to have an open conversation with you about it. Attitudes like the ones you expressed in your OP can be very hurtful to sexual assault survivors and contribute to the very...
I'd let him have at it. Just little bites of whatever you're eating, until you know his stomach can take it.
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