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Posts by IdentityCrisisMama

Oh, yes!  This whole process right now is about working through feelings so I can avoid any long-term resentment. I definitely don't think FIL has any idea that I was nearly as bothered as I am and I do plan to either resolve it or get over it. ;-)   What I really need is time to have a chat and a vent with my DH about this but it's a busy week for both of us. Venting and talking with my online friends is working in the meantime. I love Mothering for a vent that I can't...
I was trying to avoid venting too much on this thread but this is very much my feelings on the matter. In my family there is no need to stipulate who gets what or control the passing of family stuff. Everyone is just respectful and generous. The idea that this process needs to be controlled in an authoritarian way is irksome for the reasons you mention.  The reality is that I have a background in photography and art. The art on my walls is cherished far more than anyone...
Yes, I think this is his thinking. He does have a son with a son (his only biological grandson), however, and I think that if there are a few things he would like to only go to the males, that those things should pass directly through that branch of the family. 
Yes, that is a good idea (and I think RM mentioned it earlier). Unfortunately, this has been done in a variety of ways already. FIL is a massive ancestry person (some may call him obsessed ) so his family stuff has been distributed to everyone in every way imaginable (books, photos, online family trees, and etc). I think the gift is very much about "the original". 
Oh, no, no worries at all. To tell the truth, I read most minor vents about family and think, "Is this the hill you want to die on?" (a favorite saying).  And, I did ask and genuinely want to know what others think and would do.  A big part of me also wants to understand how tradition and etiquette should be employed by FIL. Issues with gender, biological children, and favoritism aside, it still feels to me like he is somehow *wrong* (from and etiquette standpoint) in how...
Also, I wanted to add that another layer to this is that I am from a split family and I am a step-grand child to 4 grandparents. My FIL/MIL also have both male and female step-children (one male lives quite close to them).  My feeling protective of the children in the family does not stop with my own children but also extends to those step-children. I feel somewhat angry that they are not included in this. My DH and I have several things from my step-grandparents and the...
Thanks everyone!  I really appreciate all these opinions. As is often the case when seemingly small issues are focused on by family members, there is more to this for me.   Yes, part of it is the practical, aesthetic, emotional issue I have with making a connection with an heirloom that is not intended for me and my children.  I realize this may seem like a small thing to some but it feels genuinely uncomfortable to me. It is in its own way a piece of art and a wonderful...
The thing for me is that "staying out of it" is difficult because I'm a really visual persona and my home is full of art that has meaning to me. To have something hanging on my walls  that is a symbol of my DH's family and a tradition started by my FIL that reflects something about gender bias that I feel badly about...this is something that is difficult for me to reconcile.    By "law" I thought we were talking about the "law" of etiquette. As of now and for the...
I'd like to know tradition in addition to getting some help about what to do about our specific situation. The reason I'd like to know "the law" is that will help me understand where my FIL is coming from with this.   But, as far as this specific situation, I am not convinced that this is not a patriarchal tradition invented upon the gifting of this item to us.  My FIL is alive and gave DH this heirloom last weekend while we were visiting. Here are the specifics:  *It is a...
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