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Posts by IdentityCrisisMama

When our first member brought up abuse, I will admit that I sort of cringed because your DC's desire for autonomy right now sounds well within the range of "normal" to me. But, I'm so glad they did because it allowed us to talk more about the issue and how it affects your family. I will say, gently, that I recommend you discontinue discussions about inappropriate touching with your daughter until she is much older.  I really don't think a child this age is able to process...
So many great thoughts. I just love a philosophical parenting discussion!     Meemee, I totally, 100% agree with you and think your point about communication being as much about the listener as it is about the person doing the talking!  I am not a person who tends to feel judged. I've nurtured a healthy combination of self-confidence and obliviousness.   I have found that on occasion where I do feel judged if I just lay on the obliviousness, that the person will give up...
Our DC's schools has always done a nice job of discussing scores. My DC knows that the tests are intended to evaluate the education she's getting -- not to evaluate her, if that makes sense. My DC also gets fairly average scores. There have been years that she got below average and years where she was above.  I think the important thing is to discuss them by their intention -- which is to evaluate education received. And to discuss that they are extraordinarily limited in...
Sure!  I suspect that if it's the American culture of having an aupair eat dinners with the family and this OP was advised to eat once/week that she is hosting an aupair in a culture with a different set of norms. If the OP is not clear on standards for hosting an aupair for things like wardrobe, it's possible that she isn't quite up on expectations for other things like meals.  OP, to be clear, if your aupair culture is to eat with your aupair once/week, that sounds fine...
 I agree.  I commented on the weekly meetings and the nights off to add another perspective to what others have said about the OP not inviting the aupair to dinner - depending on the situation that may well be very welcome for the aupair. But, the dress code certainly does not indicate any extra layer of professionalism. At least not from my perspective.  I also agree that the language is fuzzy.  American use of the term may well not be very informative and I suspect...
It occurs to me that I may not really know the lingo. I called myself as nanny but I think I may have been defined more accurately as an aupair. I wasn't into it for the long-haul and I relocated and lived with the family. It seemed to me at the time that the goal of a lot of families was to fold the aupair into the family dynamic. From my perspective (and that of a lot of the other aupairs I knew), this seemed far more advantageous for the employer than it was for the...
I was a nanny (live-in) so I come from this at a different angle. I do think that folding nannies/aupairs to the family dynamic can have some negative results (it did for me and for the other nannies/aupairs I knew). I'm sure it works just fine for families that are inherently respectful of the nanny's time and boundaries. But, for the ones who aren't, including a live-in CCP as part of the family can mean that the the CCP is working 24/7. 
I'll take a crack at this and try to  be as open minded about the various standards of dress in the sub-cultures I'm familiar with. I was also a nanny so I can answer from that perspective a bit.    I suppose my first question is whether she is from the same culture as you. I think that could make a big difference in how this should be handled. If it's a matter of a education about your greater culture (assuming your expectations are in line with your culture), I think...
I am not the mod of HB - haven't been for a while now. I will ask Adina to update the listing. MM there are links at the top of the main HB forum. If you're looking for more specific information a Google search or library books are a good way to start. If you'd like some input from the community, you are welcome to start a thread. If you need Mod support for something, you can PM any mod and they can help. 
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