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Posts by Tigerchild

If it's still bugging you, why not just be honest with FDIL?  State your concerns and the fact that even though you know it's not all about you, you don't want to give the wrong impression to her family or be embarrassing (or you don't know what to expect at her church).  I bet she is not concerned about it at all, and her knowing that you care enough to ask should win you major points!  I grew up in conservative churches, and really, I saw women in nice pantsuits and...
Yes, and IMO it is okay (and necessary) to teach kids that unless your *life* is being threatened, pretty much it's *never* going to be acceptable to use violence.  No matter how much you think the other person "was asking for it."   I don't think that negates a parent's responsibility for also advocating for their child who is being bullied.  You have to do that too.  I see what went on as separate (but linked) issues.   But really, as long as someone feels...
Lashlock and erigeron, I am not new to the triad or this forum (or this debate).  I do feel it's important, though, to call attention to the fact that relinquishing your biological child is not the same thing as surrogacy, surrogacy also is not legally protected in *most* areas of the the US, and the final decision for anything but a TPR adoption rests with the birthparent *as it should*.  Talking about a baby as a gift, or presuming that once you tell a couple that...
The child would be disciplined for assaulting another child at school, not 'standing up to a bully'.   Here's the reality--you can and will suffer serious consequences if you respond to someone goading you by putting your hands on them.  This applies to school, work, and life.  Sometimes life is not fair--even if someone's a brat to you and/or they taunt you, you don't get to physically attack them.  Or you can, but it's going to be your butt parked in jail or...
I'm starting to feel really uncomfortable with people speaking as if once she decides (even pre-conception) to 'give' her baby to someone then for some reason that's an iron clad obligation.  Ugh.  No, it is not.  A verbal (or even written) agreement is worth nothing until the baby is relinquished--which can only happen AFTER birth.  The OP would not become a passive vessel because she said she'd give the child to her friend.  That would be HER baby, period, until she...
Feeling uncomfortable about confronting someone directly:  normal.  Waiting until you see them again and discussing an uncomfortable subject in a rational way:  admirable.  Blindsiding someone at the library with angry accusations *months* after the fact and threatening public shaming/reporting even though she talked to you and you explained your intentions *at that time*--so very NOT normal or admirable.  I deal with a lot of people upset with school...
  Regardless of what you or anyone else thinks, my past did not get erased with my adoption.  My birthparents ARE my parents.  The people who raised me ARE my parents.  It's not a contest, it's reality.  And it's really not that complicated.
  Amen to this.  I do not think you can *ever* truly escape "complicated" when it comes to adoption or for that matter surrogacy (traditional or gestational)--not only are their multiple people involved, even worse these people are not static, they grow and change over time as well.  Doesn't mean it can't be happy or turn out well--but whenever you involve people in anything, autonomous people who have their own thoughts and feelings (and this includes the future...
I think you should also take into consideration that your oldest is going to be 5 or older at the time that you do this.  Maybe it will have no impact, but it may.  I have met quite a few birthsiblings who searched (and felt deep loss) even when their parent did not seem to feel the same way.  This isn't just about you, or your friend.  And you don't have control over how your children will feel about it--either the one you place or the ones that you do not.  
Hard to read (even though it's not new info, at least not to me) but...thank you for sharing this blog, Tiffani.  
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