I couldn't read your post and not reply with some love : : all that stuff... I think you're instinct to make her "world a bit smaller" for now is great. You're doing a great job, momma, keep hanging in there!
We've always done Xmas morning together (on my turf), with SO's invited. Not necessarily because I insist or feel especially passionate about it, it's just a pattern that occurred on its own. I really don't think there's a right or...
I agree with the pp's about counseling for you, for some peace and clarity. Then, you may be able to come up with a family plan. You'll get through this, momma :
ITA with calling the provider to get the charges reduced, especially because it sounds as if some of the fees are their fault. Although I agree that it was wrong for you daughter to continue to go online... I can kind of see where that...