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Posts by Complexnatural

I left my ex when my oldest son was almost 5 and my twin boys were just turned 3.  He was much like your husband but he had a good job. He was an alcoholic, who spent all his time home drinking in the basement.  He rarely interacted with the kids and did nothing around the house.  When I left him, life was better because I had been doing everything for the kids and around the house, but it was better because I didn't have him to deal with.  He kept most of the money for...
Blessings on your twins.  What a roller coaster it is, trying to do everything. I had twin boys when my oldest son was 21 months old.  I didn't find out I was having twins until I was 7 months and nursing my oldest.  I didn't want to wean him because I thought he might feel replaced by the twins nursing.  He was only nursing to sleep at that time.  The twins were a week overdue when they were born so their birth weights were 7.6 and 7.10 lbs.  They were heavy...
I agree.  I think parenting becomes much more of a supporting position as they get older.   I nurtured my kids, not babied.  I was constantly encouraging them to stretch their boundaries to see if they were ready.  If so, great, if not, I pulled back and tried again later.  This gave them the confidence to realize what they felt internally when they were ready vs not ready.  A lot of anxiety is generated internally when we try to push ourselves to do things we aren't...
I truly believe that this parenting style has a positive effect on allowing the kids to be who they will.  I am not saying that life was perfect when the kids were growing up.  And, I also believe that they are who they are and that contributed to who they are today.  My oldest son was high strung and anxious growing up.  He was affected most by the divorce.  But as a 25 year old, he still has some anxiety but functions very well at school and also works 24 hrs/wk.
I love this!  Home should consistently be the place where we are always welcome, with a strong supportive atmosphere.  I always maintained an atmosphere in my home where respect and support was paramount among each of us.  People thought that because I had 3 boys that it would be a free for all, with fighting and competition.  Others said that I should let my kids learn that life was harsh and that I shouldn't "baby" them or they wouldn't be able to function when they...
I agree that they don't need active parenting anymore.  But being in a family doesn't stop once the active parenting is done.  My boys are in university, so I find I am still providing guidance in many areas, such as budgeting (Mom and Dad are helping to pay for it), emotional support when school issues arise, etc.   I think this still falls under parenting.  Jem, I agree with you, that parents parent adult children in an "evolved" way.  I like that term.
I find this also.  My boys have not shown to be affected by peer pressure that much but are very popular among their peers.  My oldest son is quieter than my twins and not as social but I find that he walks to his own drummer and has fewer friends by choice.  I don't take credit either for the way my kids turned out when people (teachers, coaches, family members, friends) but I do agree that the things you describe so well in your last sentence has a lot to do with them...
mamazee, thanks for the welcome!  I have been a member for a few years and have done lots of reading of posts on the forum but haven't really posted.  I hope I can be of help to the ones here who have young children.  I have been so blessed to find a way to parent that is so respectful of my children and myself.  I feel there is a need for parents of adult children to connect here, as our children as young adults are different than their peers. I am definitely feeling...
Mtiger, do you find that your kids are very well rounded now that they are older?  They are just behind mine in age.  I am curious to know if you feel that your parenting style (similar to mine) has had a positive effect on them.  I am sure that it has.
Pek, I am sorry that those close to you have not recognized how amazing your son is.  Many who were so adamant that I was going to damage my kids with my parenting style are now amazed at what thoughtful, respectful, engaging people they have become.  I have had many teachers tell me that they wish they had a class full of kids like mine.  I am sure that I was not a perfect parent but definitely my parenting style has given the boys a good solid base.  I find, though,...
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