someone please tell me how to keep my 3.5 yr old in bed

[hopeandolive]

before I lose my mind!!!!!! Seriously I need some help on this matter. In the recent weeks it takes over an hour of her getting up just about every 5 minutes. She just keeps saying "I can't sleep" ...doesn't ask for a drink, bathroom etc as of yet. Any and all tips, tricks and suggestions are welcome!!! I have about zero patience left at this point!

[ma_Donna]

She might just want to be with you until she's good & asleep. I don't know your DD, but if it was my DS that's what I would guess.

[Mama Mko]

What happens if you wait for her to fall asleep on her own schedule?

[hopeandolive]

My daughter has always gone to bed on her own, including as an infant (I tried cuddling, nursing her to sleep etc with her and she would cry until she was put down) so this is new. I have never stayed with her until she fell asleep. And if I waited until she went to sleep on her own she would be up later than me!

I am back to work full time after a 3 month leave. She now has a new sister and I think some things may be jealosy while others are a 3 yr old testing boundaries. Her bedtime routine has not changed, only now it includes her 3 month old sister. So basically we all read books and then tuck in the 3 yr old. Generally the 3 month old nurses and then goes to bed shortly after.

The other side of the coin is that I have TONS of things to do once these kiddos are in bed so it is important to me that she stays put and goes to sleep. We are fighting on the going to bed part and she is waking up at 5ish am on a regular basis. I'm not sure if cutting out the nap would be the answer as most days she will take a 2-3 hour nap once she settles down.

My husband works 2nd shift so I am on my own M-F.

[Nolamom]

I have a feeling alot of it has to do with the new baby. When DS was born DD (3) started wanting to sleep in our bed. She never had before. She slept in our bed for 1 1/2 years! Only just moved back to her bed! Getting a new sibling is a big deal.
A suggestion - could you put the new baby down first? If she goes to bed shortly after your 3 year old could you try reversing the routine? Then DD gets a little mommy time on her own.
When DD continually got out of bed at the age of 2, we just gently led her back to bed stating that it was nighttime/bedtime. After a few weeks she stayed in bed. Time consuming but definately the path of least resistance (easiest) for us.
Good luck!

ETA - Our DD totally gave up her nap at 3 - right when I was pregnant and needed her to nap the most! Maybe shortening or phasing out the nap would leave her more ready for bed at night too.

[LynnS6]

Duct tape? (no, I'm not serious!)

At that age, we laid down on the floor while our kids fell asleep. I'd bring a book and get some reading done, dh would bring his laptop and get some work done. The deal was that if they stayed in bed, we stayed. If they got out, we would go get our work done and come back.

As our kids got older, then we transitioned to checking on them. We set the timer, and when it beeps, go check on them. If they're in bed, we'll say hi for a minute or so. If not, we don't check on them.

[jnpsmommy]

Threats work,lol! What I mean is have some sort of consequence for getting out of bed. Perhaps you could give your daughter 2 coins and each one represents a pass to get out of bed. She has to give you the coin when she gets out of bed. Once those 2 passes are gone make it clear that there will be a consequence. For my 4 year old son the only thing that worked was threatening to take away tv for 2 days. And if my son does stay in bed he gets to stay up 10 minuted later to play with mommy. So far it has worked like a charm.

If the problem is that she is really not tired I think slowly cutting back on the naps is a good idea. Maybe you could also give her some books to look at in bed until she feels more sleepy? *Hugs* mama. My sleep and alone time are very important to me as well.

[Ruthla]

I'd forget about 'making her go to sleep' and focus on "staying in bed." I'd get her some soft toys, books, etc, and tell her 'you don't have to go to sleep, but you need to stay in your room quietly" IF she's simply complaining that she can't sleep, then giving her permisson to sit in bed and play with her dolls might be enough to keep her in bed.

[Carrie Posey]

we used a series of sticker charts for my son when we wanted him to fall asleep without us in the room it worked for him.

[hopeandolive]

These are great replies! I love the coin idea! I already tell her that she can play in bed and she has a small light that plays music so that if she wanted to look at books she can etc.

It isn't even alone time I am after....I get home from work w/ kids at 5:30, nurse baby, feed and let out dogs, feed 3 yr old, some nights give baths....now we are at 8 pm or so. Get 3 yr old ready for bed, book, potty, brush teeth, etc....and now it is 8:30. Meanwhile I have diapers to wash, a baby to hold and cuddle with and perhaps cook a meal that will be for tomorrow. My head just spins with how much I have to get done from the time I walk in the door until the time I plop down for bed.

As much as I hate to admit I must agree that I think it might be her long naps that are interferring. She has gone to bed very good these past couple of nights, only getting up once last night and not at all tonight. I know she doesn't sleep more than 1 or 2 hours at the sitters and she naps earlier there. On weekends here she naps later and sleeps 3 hours. I'm thinking we may scale this back some on weekends and really make sure she gets down by 1pm instead of 2.

[bwylde]

So what do you do when they get up through the night and won't go back to bed? My kids are a little older but I'm seriously getting no sleep because we're playing musical beds/couch/chair/loveseat all night. Even if I go sleep on the couch or chair, there is a kid following me and I'm in bad health and need sleep (I can't sleep lately if anyone is touching me and they can't sleep unless I'm cuddling them). They're terrified of monsters in their room and won't sleep in there, even though it was our family bedroom until a year ago (they've almost always co-slept. It's not getting them to sleep, but not to get up 10 times through the night; I'm at wits end!!).