Irene

[Susana]

my mom passed away yesterday morning. She had been battling cancer and was in so much pain. My sisters and I were with her when she passed. She opened her eyes right before she went and a tear rolled down her cheek.

I am heartbroken.

My dad died this past March.

I don't know how I am going to proceed with my own life. My kids and I visited grandma and grandpa's house all.of.the.time and we were all so very close.

[Igraine]

Susana,

I am so sorry. I am almost two months past the death of my mother from Cancer as well.

It is heartbreaking to lose someone who you spend so much time with as a family. We also went to grandma and grandpa's house a lot. We continue to visit grandpa because their home is so full of my mom. And my children love to be there.

My heart goes out to you and your family. PM me if you want to talk further. I do not have the "answers" to how to grieve the loss of my mother. I am just doing the best I can each day. Some days are better than others. And some days there are little gifts from my mom that are impossibly to miss.

Hugs to you,

Stephanie

[babygrant]

I'm so sorry, but I bet you are so thankful you were able to be with her when she passed. Were you able to bring mom home?

[sebandg'smama]

I am so sorry.

[angie7]

I'm so sorry

[meemee]

susana i have been waiting for your update.

i am so sorry for your loss.

i can relate to you.

everyone has such a personal path to expressing grief.

i wish i knew how to help you. all i can share with you is it is a loss as well as a celebration. you do have the hospice support team if you need that you know that right? for a whole year.

for me the first 3 months were the worst. even now (its been almost 5 months) all i have to hear is the ambulance and i start bawling - no matter where i am.

what helped me was sharing my grief with my 6 year old. to just express it. to also give her an opening to share her grief. even for her its the same. something - just a comment - triggers her and she is totally reduced to tears.

we do little things right thru out the day to remember them. sometimes its just looking up at the sky and saying hello.

on halloween i dont know why i drove by their old house and then drove down their favoirite tree lined road to the mall where we used to go for a walk. i kinda did it as a wake for them. i cried the whole time.

i have found it has helped me tremendously is allowing the pain to flow thru. allowing those thoughts to come up - because its not grief all the time. you kinda laugh at those happy moments. for me its been a time of tears and laughter. and that laughter along with time heals the rawness of the pain.

i dont know how i am going to make it thru TG esp. this year. and xmas. those are going to be esp. hard. i am crying about it now just thinking about it.

everytime i see your name i think of you putting your earrings on your mama and her smile.

[momma of monkeys]

Oh momma, I am so sorry ...may your journey be gentle....

[ColoradoMama]

I am so sorry. I wish I had words to comfort you.

[Igraine]

Originally Posted by meemee

everytime i see your name i think of you putting your earrings on your mama and her smile.

So sweet. I am wearing a sweater of my mother's right now. You are so right about how personal a path grieving is.

Hugs to all of you who have lost someone close.

[Ifluffedthree]

I am so sorry for you loss/s. They are so close together and allow you no time to heal.

I have lost both parents and my husband and 3 sibs. I can only say time will help make the walk less painful.

Hoping God will hold you close in your walk through this journey. HUG

[Susana]

you guys, thank you so much for the sweet words. I need all the love I can get now! how wonderful to get on mdc and see you all offering me support and sympathy.

babygrant, mom passed at a beautiful hospice house. Our hope was to bring her home, but the hospital staff urged us to do otherwise since her pain was so great. Mom was feeling *no pain* at this place! My sisters and and I thought we'd bring her home eventually, but the truth is she passed so quickly after moving from the hospital and mom never once asked to come home. I take comfort in that fact.

meemee-I have the earrings on as I type! I'd put them on her to bury her, but my sisters won't have it...they want something gold and dainty. I'm writing a message on one of my favorite bandanas (I wear them all of the time) and will attach the earrings to it and will put it in the casket with mama. My dad went with my favorite brown bandana. Bandanas are so *me*, and mom and dad knew it (everyone knows it!)

as far as letting myself feel the pain, I am doing it. I have always been one to embrace feelings, including despair at the right times, but I admit this feeling of sadness is overwhelming. I'll face it. I have to or I'll never move forward, I know. I have an appointment with a grief counselor tomorrow. My sister told the woman when she called to check on all of us that we were all "fine". I told my sister-not so fast...gimme her #. and I called and made the appt. I need to talk, for sure.

Igraine...my kids and I are seriously confused as to what we will do for righteous fun now. My kids are 15 and 16 now, and they have social lives and all, but we've all (my sis and her kids, too) been going to grandma and grandpa's for forever. and they were fun to be with! We could go over, spread out throughout the house, sit down on the couch and watch football and drink coffee with grandpa, color and play Uno with grandma, do their yardwork with them, sit on the patio furniture in the Florida room together, read the paper with grandpa, play playdoh with grandma...the list goes on...

I have lost too much. I know I'll make it but I'm not going to like it.

thank you all for your responses! I love them all!

[Seedlings]

I am sorry

[~Boudicca~]

I'm so sorry

[Susana]

we buried mom yesterday. It was a beautiful sunny day, and so cold!!

We had calling hours Friday night and there were so many people who came I don't know how I got through that. I saw people from every phase of my life at the viewing. Everyone told me how good mom looked in her casket and that she isn't suffering anymore. That didn't make me feel better. And also, I became so angry at the viewing. My true feelings about what my mother went through the last year of her life and what it did to all of us as a family came to the surface at the viewing and the funeral. My mom didn't deserve to suffer like she did and since I love her so I am so p****ed off that this happened to her.

My MIL came to the viewing with my FIL (he likes me-she doesn't). She kept telling me things that she said would "make me sad" and then would tell me little things that my mom said to her when my dad died back in March. It was like MIL wanted to make me miserable. Sigh.

The funeral was nice. The deacon kept it short but very sweet and then we took mom's body to the cemetery. My 16 year old son was a pallbearer for his grandma. I am so proud of him and I know mom is, too.

after we went to an Italian restaurant and everyone had lunch. I sat with my hubby, son, and daughter, my 2 BFFs and 2 wonderful ladies who are nurse techs at the last hospital my mom was in before she went to hospice. I ADORE these women. They LOVED my mother and she loved them. We're keeping in touch

It's done now except for mom and dad's house. I don't even want to think about it. I'm 41 now and they've been in that house since I was 10. Lots of memories there. Getting rid of it will break my heart.

I've been trying to take care of me..everone hugged me yesterday and said "take care". We have enough food to feed an army in the fridge (from friends and leftover from the restaurant). My house could use a cleaning. My daughter wants to take me to see "Twilight" on her dime today. (this will be our 3rd viewing-silly, but the books and now the movie have been sort of an escape for me and her through the last phase of my mother's life)

I have no idea how I am going to go on from here, but will take it day by day like everyone says to do.

Mama~

[Igraine]

Dear Susana,

Now the work of healing will begin. We heal at different rates. Please be kind to yourself and have something prepared to say to people like your mother-in-law who may (will) be insensitive to you and your family. Make it your mantra so people will not feel the need to give you unneeded advice in the future. Something like "My healing belongs to me. Please keep yours to yourself" or whatever feels right to you.

Death is like being pregnant. People totally lose their thoughtfulness and manners and say stupid things. There is no rule book for death and in this country, we just want everyone to "get over it" so we can get on with our lives. Tough sh*%, I say. My grief is personal. Mind your own business.

Hugs to you.

Stephanie

[Susana]

thank you, Stephanie. I will take the advice on preparing something to say to people. that is a wonderful idea. I'm actually going to go with my hubby and kids to Thanksgiving brunch with MIL and FIL and a few others. I am sure I will get to use my words there, often. I'd not go, but I can't keep my family away from these people, especially now that their other grandma and grandpa are gone.

I hope it goes all right.

I feel all right today...went to the cemetery yesterday and cleaned off mom and dad's graves. Looked at both of them and can't get over that they are both there now. We were just eating Thanksgiving dinner with them last November!

I talked to my younger sis a couple times and we're trying to deal. My older sister called and left me a message and wanted to know "how my first day as an orphan went".
I heard that message and bawled. I guess technically I am an orphan, but why on earth would she want to label us that? It only hurts me to hear things like this...how aobut if she would have said-Hey Susana, I am just calling to check to see if you're okay?
I would have never thought to call and ask her what she asked me.

sigh. I think it might be time to take a break from her if she's going to be weird. My whole year has been weird. I need a switch.

anyway, thanks Igraine. I will think of what to say to those who aren't so bright.

[William's Mom]

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by Susana

It's done now except for mom and dad's house. I don't even want to think about it. I'm 41 now and they've been in that house since I was 10. Lots of memories there. Getting rid of it will break my heart.

Cleaning out moms house was so healing for me. It was hard and I cried alot but my brother and sister were there and we laughed and cried together. Just wanted to send a hug to you... it has been one year for me and its so much less painful now. I am still sad of course ... just know you will adjust

[Igraine]

Originally Posted by Susana

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I talked to my younger sis a couple times and we're trying to deal. My older sister called and left me a message and wanted to know "how my first day as an orphan went".

I call myself an orphan too. Not to my sisters and brother because I do not know how they would react. I am a bit odd too. So, just tell your sister how you felt and that it does not describe how you want to be. And there is nothing wrong with putting some space between you and your siblings.

[Susana]

I definitely need to put some space between us. The thing is, I can't tell her when things she says hurt me because she then acts like I am being a baby.
I'm sorry, Igraine, if I insinuated that I think the "orphan" term is wrong. It's really just a word and I don't know why it upset me so..probably because my sis is so on my nerves and she really can't say anything to me right now that wouldn't p*** me off.

younger sis called last night to see "how my second day of being an orphan went"

see? I need some space! a vacation anywhere outside the continental United States might work....