i don't know if you could ask him this or not...its sort of embarrassing but during the day does he *feel* like he has to pee in a gradual way... like a little bit and then gets progressively worse until you pee....or does he not feel it until he has to pee RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!!! ? B/c maybe if its the latter he just goes to the BR as quickly as possible during the day but at night by the time he is awake enough to *feel* the urge... he has already gone.
Does he wet the bed at his mom's house? does he do the same thing with the sheets if he does? is there something special about his favorite sheets that make them his favorite? maybe if you could get him an extra set you wouldnt have to try and wash those every day. If you do get him start washing his sheets i would really include all of his laundry yk? just b/c even if he knows its b/c of the sheets its not so blatantly obvious. maybe also ask him if he wants pull ups again. if that makes the wetting the bed less shameful for him tell your dh to get over it. yk?
is this an every night without fail kind of occurrence? My little brother wet the bed until he was 12 or 13 i think. His was anxiety related... and a few months with on paxil plus a really great psychologist he hasn't wet the bed in years! which is good b/c he's a freshman in college. Does he have nightmares or noticeable fears? my brother did the nightmare thing for awhile.. and HATED being home alone.. and going in the basement alone.
it started when we moved from the house we had lived since he was born so i think that had something to do with it.
you agree his dad is going about this the wrong way. you said his mom is trying to help. Do you have a good relationship with her? does dh? If so will he listen to her about how to deal with this? Maybe you and her can talk and come up with a plan of how to start helping SS. Then you can tell your DH about it.. and she can tell him about it.. and if he's getting it from both sides it might click
like i said above if SS wants pull ups again this would also be a good way to get dh on board.. or at the very least get him to deal with it b/c its best for his son.
have you asked him why is so opposed to the medication (or any other option?) did he wet the bed growing up? (can you ask his mother? lol) I think he might not know how to help his son and he is worried that something is seriously wrong. It is easier for him to ignore the whole problem and hope it goes away (which i realize is not the best method... but some people totally shut down when they feel helpless) but this is at the expense of you and your SS. Your SS won't be getting the help he needs.. and you end up with the extra work.. not to mention the burden of trying to help your SS which you can't really do without DHs help. That part sort of irks me. you shouldn't have to try and come up with ways to help your SS inspite of his father yk?