No Vax & BF's family discussion .... eeek

[JessesGirl23]

My bf & I plan to start ttc next month, we both agree not to vax, as I already have 2 children unvaccinated. Last weekend though we got into a heated discussion with his father about my choice not to vax, of course he cited "back in the day" references, but, even "back in the day" my father's side of the family did not vax (for religious reasons) and my grandmother to this day goes around raving at how she and her siblings never got a shot and they are still here, lol, I love her for that, but anyways. My bf's mother is also a nurse and we haven't discussed the vax issue or the fact we are planning to homebirth, but is there anything you can easily say to end the discussion and not make it an arguement, but still prove your point?

[Marnica]

I have found that arguing with family who have differing opinions is totally counter productive. You do not have to prove anything. I have offered to show my family all of my research (which is quite extensive). They have expressed no interest so I basically have told them. My child, My decision, and it is not open to discussion although if they ever want to actually learn why i came to the decision i did and look at all my research Id be gald to share it with them. Trying to "convince" them of your choice wont get you anywhere and will just leave you feeling angry and exhausted.

[Full Heart]

This only works with people you know well. I have used it on my ils before and it worked great. You can use this for bfing, hb, cosleeping, whatever: "Do you really think that I would ever do anything to intentionally harm my children? Don't you think that I, as their mother, have researched all options and have decided what has the lowest risk but highest reward? I love my children more than anyone else in the world, don't you think I want whats best for them? Do you really think I would on a whim do something that might endanger my children? If you really think I would do something like that than you don't know me very well."

And in some cases where CPS has been called because of refusing certain things you can add in there that you could risk a visit from CPS because of xyz and its not something you took lightly when you decided on it. I don't argue with anyone, its pointless. They don't care. It was funny because I used that very argument on my bil before he had kids. After he had kids he started asking me lots and lots of questions. About everything. It took years but he actually thought about what I said.

[Pariah]

Why discuss it at all with them? I wouldn't bring up vaxes, homebirth, etc if they're just going to argue with you...too stressful! If they bring it up, just brush it off with a "Sure, thanks for your input," smile, nod, and change the subject. I understand wanting to prove your point but a vast majority of the time the effort isn't worth it.

[peainthepod]

"Hmm, interesting. I'll definitely give it some consideration. Pass the salt?"

You don't owe anyone an explanation. If they genuinely want information about how you came to your decision, then great--enlighten them! But if they're just looking for a fight (which often seems to be the case, unfortunately), change the subject politely. If they won't let it go, make it clear that the matter is not open for discussion. Your children's medical care is no one's business but yours and theirs. Period.

[elmh23]

I'm pretty sure only one of dh's sisters knows that our son is not 100% vax'd (our daughter is for the most part.) I only told her because she was pressuring everyone to get the flu vax because her daughter is on a ventilator and has really bad complications when sick. Knowing the family, everyone knows, but they would never mention it.

So in other words, don't mention it.

Also, I only told people I was homebirthing (really it was at a free standing birth center that was basically a home, just not mine) because they were probably come to visit while I was in labor.