Constantly BF toddler and pregnant

[petitchou]

How do you deal with a toddler who wants to BF all the time during pregnancy?

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure how to put into words how I feel and I don't even know whether I really need advice, hugs or just a place to vent. So here I am.

Ds just turned 2. I am 3 months pregnant and in addition to having no energy, being depressed and being sick all day, I just can't take the constant nursing anymore. My nipples are KILLING me. I've pulled out the Lansinoh again to help with the exterior pain. I don't think it would be so bad if I could actually sleep. But he's always nursed every few hours at night and this past week, he won't sleep unless he's actively attached. All.night.long.

We've tried night weaning twice - the first time got messed up by the jetlag when we came back to France from the US this summer and the second time he got sick in the middle of it and I felt bad not nursing him at night when he was running a fever and not eating and so obviously needed it. Both times were accompanied by quite a bit of crying for a few nights and I feel guilty pushing and trying it again right now - he is going through a lot already.

I feel so horribly guilty for feeling so frustrated and angry with him. I know that pregnancy hormones are coming in to play here but I hate the way I feel about him. I get so mad at him and I just want him to stop touching me (or, rather, my breasts) and leave me alone! During the day, I'm able to deal with it better (not great, just better) but I can't stand having him there all night.

I never had any real goal about BFing a certain amount of time and I don't know that I want to tandem nurse - I've always just played it by ear. I really thought I could go either way and didn't want to force ds to wean if he wasn't ready either. Now I don't even know how to get from day to day and I'm secretly hoping he'll just stop at some point during the pregnancy...(yeah right...)

Thanks for listening to me ramble. I don't really have anyone else to talk too - everyone thinks I'm crazy for BFing this long. Even dh is not supportive of it. Last week, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't take it anymore and pulled him off for a break during the night and he screamed the whole time (about 15 min). Dh told me it was my fault for nursing so long - that he wouldn't be going through this if we had weaned at 6 months. And that makes me feel guilty too, even if it's not completely true

[dex_millie]

Hi,

I was were you were just recently. Found out I was pregnant when DS was 21months, at that time he was still nursing like a newborn (night and day). I knew I didn't want to tandem nurse. Nursing also became too much for me. I was angry. I would take him off at night like you and he would cry for a little while. I wanted to scream and hit. I would kick up my foot. I was starting to be mean.

I say if you don't want to tandem nurse you will need to start gently weaning. DS is almost 25months and I just stopped his last nursing(at around 2-4am) 4 days ago. He still asks for 'milk' but I get up and gave him Ricemilk or food.

It wasn't easy at first, sometimes I would gave in depending on how he was. I started with the day time. Giving him food, drinks or playing with him for distraction. It did take time and sometimes I just wanted to say this is too much work. But eventually I got him down to just nursing for naps and nighttimes. Then took away nap time, by walking him. Then nursing to sleep at night by the same walking/holding him. And last his wake-up early in the morning nursing that was they hardest as I was so sleepy during those times and he was very angry if I tried anything else besides getting up and holding him. DH helped at times, especially on non-work days.

I would say it took 2 1/2months and I was slack during some points with it, especially when I was too tired to move and just gave in.

Dh didn't say anything, but I wonder if he was thinking something. For me at least I was getting to the point that I wasn't looking forward to nursing this baby. I also believe that I may start limitations earlier with this one. I didn't start with DS until I started to wean around 21.5/22months.

[Maggirayne]

I'm 13 weeks pg and my DD isn't driving me so crazy, but crazy enough. It is hard when you get touched out. I love being touched, so this is new for me feeling touched out. I understand feeling so angry and feeling bad for feeling upset.

Dh told me it was my fault for nursing so long - that he wouldn't be going through this if we had weaned at 6 months. And that makes me feel guilty too, even if it's not completely true

It is not your fault. Weaning at any time can be difficult. It's hard for babies to change, and they don't have the understanding that adults do of situations. That is not fair, supportive or kind to lay that blame on you.

[D_McG]

ugh - I feel your pain I absolutely hated nursing during pregnancy. I thought it would be OK and I would just see if he could wean himself during that time but right before I got pregnant the heeby-jeebies set in. And then when I got pregnant the pain and just complete claustrophobia kicked in full force. I was comfortable weaning though. Neither tandem nursing nor CLW feel natural to me (I don't mean they are unnatural. but they are not something that feel natural to me, if that makes sense). So I just weaned.. hour by hour.. day by day until we were done. I Was done by the end of my first trimester. It was OK - It wasn't easy but it wasn't that hard either. I comforted the tears when there were some and kept my eye on the prize.

Good luck whatever you decide.

and of course it's not your fault!

[kdtmom2be]

I too feel your pain and don't have much advice. There should be a pregnant nursing moms support group on here. Ugh.

I am stuck between not really wanting to nurse DD any more and knowing that she's not done and not ready to be done. She 18 months and I promised myself a year, but at a year she wasn't really eating solids, so there was no question that we would continue for much longer than that! However, now she IS eating, and she is down to three nursings a day, sometimes two if I am not home at bedtime or nap time. But she is allergic to milk and supplementing BM with water just doesn't cut it with her! And I'm not really keen on formula, or goat, soy or rice milk either. So what to do?

At least my DH is supportive.

[luv]

I have an almost 15month old and I'm 27 weeks pregnant. I know EXACTLY what you feel. I went through a period where I just wanted to throw Kacey across the room because I couldn't stand her little hands mauling me while she was nursing. It got to the point I couldn't stand to be touched by anyone.

We had to put limits on nursing. We do a LOT of distraction. "I see that you want to nurse (as she's giving me the sign for nurse) but lets get a drink of water and a snack first." Limits are the only thing that has saved our nursing relationship. If it was a anytime situation as it always had been I would have easily turned into a very resentful and bad mommy. Not to say I don't still feel that way sometimes but it's manageable.

I am also in Paris France. If you want to get together sometime, even if just to vent. Let me know. We're always looking to get out!
-luv

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by kdtmom2be

She 18 months and I promised myself a year, but at a year she wasn't really eating solids, so there was no question that we would continue for much longer than that! However, now she IS eating, and she is down to three nursings a day, sometimes two if I am not home at bedtime or nap time. But she is allergic to milk and supplementing BM with water just doesn't cut it with her! And I'm not really keen on formula, or goat, soy or rice milk either. So what to do?

I was just going to say that DS was the same way. Barely ate until a year. by 18 mos was eating OK but refusing all milk-type things (and is allergic to dairy and soy). But once we actually weaned fully he started drinking rice milk. But now I re-read and see that YOU are the one who is reluctant to use rice milk. But I just wanted to share in case anyone else has a breastmilk-substitute averse child!

[RedPony]

I've nursed thru two pregnancies with the same child now. DD was 13 months the first time, and 26 months the second time. The constant nursing was a real grind, but there was no way I was ready to quit the first time, DD was way too young and I really wanted to continue. So we did, but we nightweaned at 18 months. I really, really needed the break! I also could barely make it thru the constant night nursing as well as the day nursing. DD did super with it, and it was a gradual process that probably took four months (14 to 18 mo) to complete. (In a side note, my milk all but dried up with this pregnancy, and DD inhaled solids while continuing to constanly nurse.)

So... by 26 months, we weren't night nursing, I was pregnant again, and my milk supply didn't nearly disappear like last time! As a matter of a fact, I've got more than enough. But, up until a month or so ago, DD was asking to nurse everytime I sat down, and we were. Lately, I've kept her to 2 hour intervals, and she's gradully accepted that. Not only that, but we nurse less than that sometimes. She's stopped asking so much! I don't nurse in bed anymore at all, not even for naps or cuddles. It isn't comfortable for me, and I get irritated, so I'll simply sit up or move. DD now nurses for a few seconds to a minute or two at a time on a side. This I can live with!

I say try nightweaning again, definately. It will save your sanity, and gradually improve the sleeping of your child (at least it worked that way for me). Then start cutting back during the day (if you wish). I'm also not too keen on tandem nursing and am sort of hoping DD quits by then (she'll be three and I think that's an awesome age to be done!).

[paula444four]

I was newly pregnant when I nightweaned my son at 24 months old...by nursing him to sleep then putting him in his own bed (next to ours). I told him before he fell asleep that milk goes to sleep when he goes to sleep...over and over I told him. When he asked for it during the night I reminded him and consoled him and offered him water. He mourned the first few nights...but actually much much less than I had feared. In fact he only cried for maybe 5 mintues the first night and then just a minute each time for a few nights. Then a miracle happened. He started sleeping through the night! I mean he still wakes sometimes due to bad dreams etc...but he goes right back to sleep WITHOUT nursing. Its a miracle . I just could not tolerate the night nursing anymore....with my extra sensitive nipples etc..so this worked great and just in the nick of time.

I also started distracting him from day nursing whenever possible..always offering the water or cows milk on occassion. If he persisted I gave in. In the last month we were down to just nursing to sleep...nap, night and then sometimes when he woke in the mornings. However...it was starting to drive me batty. Each time...I just told myself...you can take it....but really I couldnt take it anymore when I realized that it was making me crazy, irritable and depressed. When he nursed it was worse than fingernails down a chaulkboard...I could handle the pain...but just the tickling feeling or something...I was hyper sensitive. So finally...after a night where I just bawled and told my son it hurt too bad and he would have to stop...and he said OK and fell asleep beside me...I decided to wean him cold turkey.

This was 5 days ago. I still feel guilty about it...but am SOOOOO very relieved and honestly my state of mind is much more stable. I justu told him that there is no more milk..it hurts mommy too much..and I am sorry. He is 28 months old now...and he understands the why...and he is trying very hard to be strong. I am stunned with how well he is adapting. He still cries for it...but for just seconds. The real issue now is figuring out HOW to form a new sleep routine/ritual because we completely relied on nursing up to this point. I try to be considerate and keep my bra on all the time and I am not showering with him while he weans. Poor little guy asks to just see them and I have and he gets a HUGE smile on his face...but really its just a tease and like torture so usually I deny the peek.

Anyway....I just wanted to give my testimony and tell you that I know how you are feeling. I would encourage you to night wean immediately. You will be SO glad you did. Then see how days are treating you...and considering denying some of the time. Remember....extending nursing is recommended as long as it is mutually beneficial....and at this time it just is not!

Good luck dear sister. Let us know how it goes.

[petitchou]

Thank you all so, so much.

I cannot tell you how much it has helped to hear everyone's stories and feel that I am not the only mama that has been through this and that I am not alone. And that at 24 months, ds is capable of handling some limits - and that it's okay. And that we will both get through this.

We did start the night weaning process again. The first night was difficult but it has gotten progressively better. He still wakes up 4-5 times a night and fusses a little but a little rub on the back and talking to him about trains/cars/the day's activities/anything that I can think of in a half-asleep state that gets his mind off num-nums seems to calm him down and he falls back asleep. I'm hoping that after a few more nights, he'll just start sleeping through most of those wakings - that's what he did the last time we tried this. The hardest part is around 5am - he's pretty much awake and crying from then until when the 'num-num' light comes on at 6am. We'll have to fine tune that but I am so much more optimistic about it now that we're on a good path for us. It's also very obvious from his cries that he does understand the situation but that he's protesting and very mad - and I am now okay with letting him be mad and letting him know that I am there to cuddle him and listen to him but that num-nums need a break.

Daytime nursing is still pretty constant - ds is very determined and loves his num-nums and will not be distracted by anything else! - but I can handle it so much better now that I have a break at night. Ds also started a toddler daycare three half days a week and had his first nap there last week - he actually went to sleep with no nursing and stayed asleep for 2 hours!!! I am so encouraged by this.

(As for dh...I'm not happy with a lot of things in our relationship right now - haven't been for awhile but it's gotten worse since the pregnancy - and we have many many things to work on. He is in a perpetual bad mood, very passive-aggressive, extremely hyper-critical and condescending - it's like all his bad qualities have quadrupled and come out all at once. (He's a Virgo BTW ) I know things are bad at work but I'm tired of being the only one that seems to be committed to and making an effort to help this relationship. In his defense, his parents live two separate lives in the same house and show no caring or empathy for anyone else either - so he just doesn't know any better. But anyway - that's another thread...)

ANYWAY - again, thank you so much for sharing. We have a long way to go but it's amazing what a little support (and a little sleep) can do for one's outlook on life

luv - I would love to get together! We need to get out of the house more too. Where are you?

[RedPony]

Originally Posted by petitchou

The hardest part is around 5am - he's pretty much awake and crying from then until when the 'num-num' light comes on at 6am.

Oh yes, this was us, too! Maybe for the first 3 or 4 months? Now, DD will still wake up at five(ish) and I'll crawl into bed w/ her for an hour or so, but there's no more asking to nurse, which is tremendous relief.

I'm so glad things are going well for you!

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by petitchou

How do you deal with a toddler who wants to BF all the time during pregnancy?


Thanks for listening to me ramble. I don't really have anyone else to talk too - everyone thinks I'm crazy for BFing this long. Even dh is not supportive of it. Last week, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't take it anymore and pulled him off for a break during the night and he screamed the whole time (about 15 min). Dh told me it was my fault for nursing so long - that he wouldn't be going through this if we had weaned at 6 months. And that makes me feel guilty too, even if it's not completely true

OMG I could have written most of your post. I'm about 8 weeks and her need to nurse is CONSTANT. My nips are killing me and I'm feeling exhausted and bitter about it too. I'm going to go read the rest of the replies. I found your post while searching for night-weaning (which it appears she's no where NEAR being able to do).

ARGH!

[quietserena]

What helped me somewhat is soaking my nipples in epsom salt in water in the evenings after DD was asleep.

Granted, I've had to say no to nursing sometimes too because I jsut can't handle it. Nipples are so crazy sensitive that I just have this face the whole time she's latched on: :

But, DD seems to have accepted that sometimes I can't take it. And for me it's rarely 'no, can't nurse right now' but more like 'you've been latched on for a half hour, i can't take it anymore' so it's not such a drastic transition. She does often go to sleep just spooning with me.