Why did this upset me?

[AlpineMama]

Yesterday we had our first EI session with a new lady. She's very nice, and DS loved the toys she brought to play with. One of the toys was supposed to, I guess, bring out the empathy/pretend play in him. It was a baby doll which had two bottles, full of "milk" and "juice". Now, DS was formula fed through necessity (I couldn't even pump for him), and although DD eats from the tap, she also likes to snatch his bottles and sippies, so both of them know full well what bottles are for. Anyway, DS did beautifully giving the baby doll the bottle, and DD also crawled on over and tried to take one of the bottles in her own mouth to drink from it, which the therapist had a good laugh at.

I became quite bothered by the whole scene, and I'm not sure why. Should I have said something to the therapist, or was I out of line getting upset? I know there was absolutely no harm intended or done, and I'm usually very easy going, so I really can't figure out why I'm upset by the whole thing.

[johnsmom]

I don't know why it upset you, but this is why it would have upset me - it is the constant pairing of babies with bottles as though it is the norm. Whether you needed to bottlefeed your first or not, bottles should be the exception, not the rule. As long as the 'baby bottle' is the ultimate symbol of babyhood, bf won't be normalized.
I get a little irritated when I see DS1 playing with my neices dolls and the bottles come out. Or when I got gifts at my baby shower and all the wrapping paper was covered in pictures of little bottles. Or when I tried to find a 'You're a big brother book' and every one had images of babies being fed by bottle.....It's just so pervasive and frustrating.

[ramama]

I cringe at bottles always paired with dolls. I cringe when my girls feed their babies with bottles. They also nurse their babies. I used to be rather militant in ridding our house of toy bottles and forbidding their use, but I've gotten over it, although I still dislike it. Now I use it as an educational tool. I tell them about bottles, why some people need to use them if nursing doesn't work or if the mom can't always be with the baby. They know BFing is the default and I just have to trust that my experience nursing each of them into their third year (and perhaps beyond with DD2, who's still going strong) will override some silly toy in the long run.

[Otterella]

Originally Posted by johnsmom

I don't know why it upset you, but this is why it would have upset me - it is the constant pairing of babies with bottles as though it is the norm. Whether you needed to bottlefeed your first or not, bottles should be the exception, not the rule. As long as the 'baby bottle' is the ultimate symbol of babyhood, bf won't be normalized.
I get a little irritated when I see DS1 playing with my neices dolls and the bottles comeout. Or when I got gifts at my baby shower and all the wrapping paper was covered in pictures of little bottles. Or when I tried to find a 'You're a big brother book' and every one had images of babies being fed by bottle.....It's just so pervasive and frustrating.

:
I get that bottles are sometimes necessary, but identifying them so consistently with babies is just perpetuating the social norm. You wouldn't expect to see a baby doll come with a pretend NICU incubator, right? Yet sometimes those are necessary and life-saving. Bottles should be viewed the same way, I feel. Glad to have them when necessary, but not a normal part of the baby package.

[kiara7]

You have very right to be upset. It is the same reason that it is perfectly fine for moms to bottle feed but people cringe at a mama breastfeeding.

I got upset just like you at my baby shower when DH's aunt gave me a nice homemade basket with a baby quilt she made herself, books, toys, 2 bottles and a box of rice cereal.

[LadyCatherine185]

It is upsetting because it further ingrains that "baby feeding=bottle" into young minds..

this is OT, but ramama- before we found out we were having a boy, our girl name we picked was Avery Claire!!

[CEVmommy]

Originally Posted by johnsmom

i don't know why it upset you, but this is why it would have upset me - it is the constant pairing of babies with bottles as though it is the norm. Whether you needed to bottlefeed your first or not, bottles should be the exception, not the rule. As long as the 'baby bottle' is the ultimate symbol of babyhood, bf won't be normalized.
I get a little irritated when i see ds1 playing with my neices dolls and the bottles come out. Or when i got gifts at my baby shower and all the wrapping paper was covered in pictures of little bottles. Or when i tried to find a 'you're a big brother book' and every one had images of babies being fed by bottle.....it's just so pervasive and frustrating.

^ ita

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by kiara7

You have very right to be upset. It is the same reason that it is perfectly fine for moms to bottle feed but people cringe at a mama breastfeeding.

I got upset just like you at my baby shower when DH's aunt gave me a nice homemade basket with a baby quilt she made herself, books, toys, 2 bottles and a box of rice cereal.

It's everywhere isn't it? I think the important thing in cases like these is to understand that the individual's actions don't come with any malice towards BF, but that it is just so much an accepted practice in our society to bottlefeed that they can't imagine anything else. It's sad, but true.

In these cases, where well-meaning people have given me these gifts I might emphasize the fact that I'm nursing, I love it, it's how babies are fed, and how baby doesn't EVER use a bottle and I'm ok with that. I'll also nurse in front of them more often!

[Thalia the Muse]

I don't think it's entirely that people can't imagine breastfeeding -- even moderately well-educated women get a lot of breastfeeding information, it's become much more accepted that "breast is best," even if not enough women choose to actually do it.

I think the main reason that bottles tend to come with baby dolls is because it's fun to pretend-feed a doll and you can't very well throw a plastic breast in there. Kind of like how many baby items/shower invitations show diaper pins, even though no one uses them any more, because you can portray a pin with a ducky on it more readily than you can a cloth or disposable diaper. Or how prams are often shown on baby stuff and sold to little girls for their baby dolls, even though hardly anyone uses a pram anymore unless they're super-rich.

Unfortunately, it does tend to enforce the idea that "babies eat from bottles," but I don't think that's INTENDED, exactly.

If it's any consolation, all my dolls came with bottles but I never even considered formula-feeding!