Dress Code Rant!!!

[socialworkmamma]

I'm so steamed right now! I just got an e-mail from DD's teacher that OTHER teachers have told her my DD is "freqently non compliant" with the dress code. She herself has not noticed this as my DD "is always so cute and modest". She has not noticed it because it's not true!! Our school is a private Christian school and adopted a dress code around 5 years ago. The first two years were fairly strict, but recently they have lightened it up and even put in the first year newletter that it's more about modesty and safety than the letter of the law. Spirit shirts and polos are always okay as are modest dress and dress tops for girls. The only thing my DD has ever worn non compliant was a t-shirt that said "cute as a cupcake". It was under a big sweater, on a Friday, and I decided to be a rebel. Now I get this e-mail that other teachers are talking about my DD like she is never in the code. DH is going to take care of it. We shop with the code in mind, and I know we are putting her in appropriate clothing day in and day out. Also, she's in second grade for pete's sake. Her teacher also said she was appropriate today. I know she was yesterday as well as she wore a school t-shirt. We put her in sensible shoes everyday, and when I pick her up I always see little girls in flimsy flip flops and on chapel day, dress shoes with heels! That's real condusive to a fun, safe recess!! Okay, I had to get that off my chest. I think what hurts is the fact that I take it seriously and it's not coming from my child's teacher. Seriously, do these ladies not having anything else to worry about!!!!

[amcal]

Well, if you decide to be a rebel and let her wear a non dress code shirt then, I guess you have to be ok with getting a note about dress code.

Also, maybe they are cracking down on everyone because, even though they said they were being more lax, parents/kids took advantage of that and dressed outside the dress code so now they are having to be more strict?

I would ask that you be notified any time they feel your child is inappropriately dressed with specifically what the issue is so you can address it. If you don't know the specifics of what they're finding inappropriate, it's hard to correct.

[socialworkmamma]

you're right, I knew the one shirt was not in the code. I will follow your suggestion and ask for what has been non compliant, as I truly don't know other than the one item worn one time. The other problem, is who do I ask as my DD's teacher hadn't noticed it. I wonder if I should ask what teacher told her DD is non compliant so I can ask that teacher?

[CarrieMF]

I wonder if the other teachers got your dd mixed up with a different student?

It could also be that these other teachers are more strict with the dress code.

[amcal]

Originally Posted by socialworkmamma

. I wonder if I should ask what teacher told her DD is non compliant so I can ask that teacher?

I would. I would ask your DD's teacher to ask those who made an issue out of it specifically what they found to be out of the dress code. I would approach it like you want to be aware so you can correct the situation. If they're just being nit picky, they won't be able to come up with concrete examples but, if there are real issues, then you need to be aware.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I would definitely follow up. And definitely with the "I really want to be sure I understand, want to be sure that she is compliant, but to do that I need specifics" sort of way. (Even if that's not how you feel about it). And, as a PP suggested, it may be that they are "cracking down" in general and everyone got a similar note. Or, they could have her mixed up with someone else. Or you could have missed a line in the code that you aren't complying with. Or they could have an unwritten rule that you aren't aware of. For example, our uniform code says that "Bike shorts are for under dresses only and not for sports" (We have a shorts/T-shirt sports uniform and the dress for the rest of the day -- there is a different (less tight) set of shorts for sports for the girls). It doesn't say "Girls must wear bike shorts under their dress", but turns out that is a "rule" just the same. Or maybe they changed something and your notice got lost in the mail. Our school recently changed the guidelines on hair adornments of all things. You just can't know until they can give you the specifics. Once you have that, then you can figure out how or if you are going to address it.

[Zach'smom]

I would contact the school and ask for specifics. Just tell them that you were anaware that your child was wearing something that was against dress code. Ask them specifically what your child has worn that is not appropriate so that you can make sure that she doesn't wear it to school again. If the other teachers are just being snarky this will stop it. Also ask them to contact you immediatly if dc shows up at school in something against dress-code. That way there is no vague second hand information.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by amcal

Well, if you decide to be a rebel and let her wear a non dress code shirt then, I guess you have to be ok with getting a note about dress code.

Also, maybe they are cracking down on everyone because, even though they said they were being more lax, parents/kids took advantage of that and dressed outside the dress code so now they are having to be more strict?

I would ask that you be notified any time they feel your child is inappropriately dressed with specifically what the issue is so you can address it. If you don't know the specifics of what they're finding inappropriate, it's hard to correct.

I agree to a certain extent. Plus, you don't know if your child took her sweater off once she got to school, right? How else would they know she had the tshirt on if she kept it covered all day?

[socialworkmamma]

Well, we found out a bit more info after DD came home from school. Also, when my DH read it he told me a dad had just told him this last week they had been "busted" on the dress code and they were surprised as they thought they were being compliant. It seems it has been coming from a student teacher. My DD described being in the lunch room while her teacher stood behind her and asked the student teacher if what DD had on was appropriate. I should say my DD's teacher is a very sweet older lady and I do feel like the student teacher saw a "project" for herself and a way to maybe feel more important. Anyway, DD had on a plain turtleneck that day with a school hoodie and she was told this was fine if the hoodie stayed on. I dress her in layers this time of year and she got warm and wanted to take off the hoodie, so her teacher had her go to the bathroom, take off the turtleneck and then wear the hoodie by itself. We looked at this year's dress code and it does not discuss turtlenecks, but they've always been alright as the original point of the dress code was to make sure the older students are dressing modestly. We also realized the comment on being out of dress code most of the time is due to DD wearing dresses with leggings quite a bit. They are simple cotton dresses, without a collar. Which is fine, as it says dresses and dressy tops must only be modest as the guideline. We have decided to take it for what it is and not waste any more time on it. DH sent an e-mail to the teacher the next time DD wore a dress mentioning why it was appropriate. If we hear anything else about it, we'll go from there.
And yes, I take responsiblity for the one time she wore something outside the code and she did take off her sweater. If they wore uniforms it would be different, but it has been said at the start of the school year it's more a guideline and the main goal is modesty.
Thanks for the replies, it just really hit me wrong when I read the e-mail.
Pamela

[eepster]

If the main goal is modesty, how could they possibly object to a turtle neck? How much more covered can one get as far as tops are concerned?

[ChickityChinah]

Originally Posted by eepster

If the main goal is modesty, how could they possibly object to a turtle neck? How much more covered can one get as far as tops are concerned?

ITA with that. I have never heard of turtlenecks being banned!!

[socialworkmamma]

Thank-you ladies! I too agree a turtleneck is about as modest as it gets. I looked around again today when I was there at lunch time and feel totally vindcated with my original feelings. There were lots of little girls in dresses and dressy tops similar to what DD wears, and I know they are in code. The end of the semester is in sight as is the student teacher, so I'm going to let it go.

[MeepyCat]

Socialworkmama, the thing that would get me is the third hand nature of the complaint. Your DD's teacher tells you that other teachers told her that your daughter isn't complying with the dress code... Well gosh. Did they pass her a note in study hall? I don't think there's any way you can talk to the person who is actually talking to you and figure out how to satisfy those other people. It sounds like you've got it covered this time, but if it ever comes up again, I would say, ask her to put you in touch with those teachers or tell her that you really need to hear, from the people who have the problem, exactly what the problem is, otherwise you can't imagine how to fix it.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think I'm glad that DS and DD go to a school that has a really strict uniform code. While sometimes it seems "over the top" specific, at least there is never any question of "in or out" of code. You either have on the correct shirt, shorts, socks, shoes, belt or you don't. Frustrating from a different standpoint on occassion, but at least we don't get caught by arbitrary standards set by individuals.

[pranamama]

you'd think a christian school may have rules against gossip.

All that focus on appearance would aggravate me.

[Peppermint Leaf]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

I think I'm glad that DS and DD go to a school that has a really strict uniform code. While sometimes it seems "over the top" specific, at least there is never any question of "in or out" of code. You either have on the correct shirt, shorts, socks, shoes, belt or you don't. Frustrating from a different standpoint on occassion, but at least we don't get caught by arbitrary standards set by individuals.

-

yup my ds is in a private school --- everyone is in uniform - no arguments in the morning. even the shoes must be plain black with no insignia's.

[CarrieMF]

My kids are in public school & there are no questions on what is & isn't allowed.

[momz3]

Originally Posted by pranamama

you'd think a christian school may have rules against gossip.

All that focus on appearance would aggravate me.

:

[Flor]

Well, reading these posts, I'm totally confused by your dress code. Cotton dresses and leggings? turtle necks? What does the dress code say?