6 year old and toys

[meemee]

first let me say - i am not sure what i am asking for.

maybe just your thoughts might help.

so my dd has never really played with toys. since a baby. actually what she does is she plays with them a few times and that's it. no more.

yet that has not stopped her wanting them. even now. she goes through so much inner turmoil wanting them. and then when she gets them - she is done in a couple of days. and i go thru so much turmoil. i want to and dont want to get it for her. i mean what's the point if she isnt going to play with them.

i tried the put it on the list - or if she wants it for a long time then get it for her. well even that didnt work. one time i waited a month. she got it. played with it for two days and then was done with it. even if i put it away and then bring it out later, she gets excited - maybe plays with it for a day and then is done. right now i have this box of toys that seh hasnt touched in months.

to me it seems like she gets sucked into the toy by advertisement (has v. limited access to ads) or just by itself (mostly by seeing it somewhere - either on the shelf or at friends) and then doesnt really want it. she has been a huge spiderman and hannah montana fan - without even seeing any movies or tv shows. just what they look like on a beach towel or a backpack.

it seems all the 'glitter and gold' really attract her.

the only things she really loves are books and erase board. for toys she either makes them or turns other things into toys - kitchen items, boxes, leaves, twigs, stones, pinecones, etc.

i guess what i am trying to figure out is for her to see she gets sucked in by appearances. or is this something life will teach her. i can see this leading to so much heartache in the future.

[mamazee]

Are you wondering what to get her for Christmas or something? I'd get her something you know she'll actually like. Art supplies, books, whatever she'd really use. My daughter makes a list of everything she wants, including garbage toys she's unlikely to ever play with AND stuff she'll probably use. She knows she won't get everything on the list, and that way she still gets a surprise. I wouldn't make an issue of it, just get her something nice that she'll really like for a long time. I don't see why it has to lead to heartache.

[meemee]

aaaaah thank you for the guidance.

it isnt about christmas presents.

its more about the philosophy of it.

to me it seems its not so much the thing - as much as just wanting something for the sake of wanting. but when she gets it she doesnt want it.

the heartache comes when she doesnt get it. some are on the whim. put it on a list gets that need met.

but its more. seeing something, thinking its exciting, and then .... what conclusion would i draw from her reaction. plays with it for a couple of days and then is done with it. so she just was curious and when the curiosity was met she was done.

a part of me is involved in it too. it costs money and then it is just put away. for me i either put it away and bring it back later or give it away.

what would work v. well for us is we had a library of toys we could check out toys and then return them.

but just buying for two days looks like a waste to me. esp. since i am on a budget.

but then should i define how long she should play with it if she wants it.

kwim. its all the layers that i am concerned about.

[bc1995]

This is one of the reasons we buy toys at garage sales. It is easier to turn right back around and donate them, etc. when we have very little $ in them. I totally understand the worry though. I worry that my kids are becoming major consumers and won't be able to overcome it without tons of heartache.

[mamazee]

All kids want toys they don't get. Kids don't suffer heartache from this. So long as she has stuff she truly enjoys around the house to play with, whatever that is, she'll be fine. She'll get garbage toys from kids at birthday parties and grandparents and that kind of thing, and she will eventually mature and learn that she likes other things better. This isn't something to get worked up about IMO.

[almama]

This is quite natural, and I'd take solace in the fact that she finds most pleasure in made-up toys.

Here are some strategies if it is bugging you though:

1. Put the toy buying in her hands. Do you give her an allowance? We like the $1 for spending, $1 for savings, 50 cents for donation route, with no tie in with chores. We also give options to make more money (tasks over and beyond personal chores). Then when a toy frenzy comes up, we help our kids decide if that is really how they want to spend their money.

2. Do some media literacy. Help her break down the ads and figure out the selling techniques. We take pictures of Legos to see if we can make them look as cool as the ads. We talk a lot about the sales pressure to kids and help them ID the words and tricks used.

3. If she is interested and you feel it is OK, talk about the toys and where they are made, and how. A handmade local toy has a very different story than one made in China.

Hope that helps!

[Flor]

I do kinda have the same issue. My 5 year old does discard his toys very quickly, too. I really like toys and so do my parents, so he seems to get a lot. I've tried to give him an allowance now. It just seems to make him wait a bit and to be more careful in what he wants. We also talk about advertising. Sometimes he picks up a toys and I say, "Well, what would you do with this?" since most of those things are electronic or don't have a lot for the child to actually do. He likes star wars figures and he does play with them, but he is also really attracted to the glitz. He has seen this cupcake machine on tv that he really wants, but we bake to gether in the real kitchen with real ovens all the time. He thought he wanted some fisher price fake workbench, but I talked him into a real workbench with real tools. I don't like to spend my money on things that I know he won't use for long, but I also want him to have some power to make choices with his money. Hopefully he learns when he is disappointed.

[Girlprof]

There is something like netflix for toys. I think it's called Baby Plays or something like that but googling netflix for toys should get it for you.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by bc1995

I worry that my kids are becoming major consumers and won't be able to overcome it without tons of heartache.

aaaaaaaah this is it!!!! THIS is my fear. it is the major consumer fear. just buying for the same of buying. you see it. you want it. whether you need it or you dont. shopaholic and clutterer as a grown up?!!

Originally Posted by mamazee

All kids want toys they don't get. Kids don't suffer heartache from this.

mine does. she dreams and wants and feels sad because i cant buy it for her. for her any toy is garbage. because she doesnt play with toys. at home. at others houses sometimes yes. but not at home. and yet she cant help wanting it. as flor said she is going for the glitz. perhaps like a short high.

that is another of my dilemas. wanting something she doesnt really want.

mamazee my child is one of those spirited kids. sensitive too. so she feels everything v. v. intensely. yes there are toys she wants but doesnt really care if she gets them or not. and then there are toys that she must absolutely have. and she goes through a process of IMO - wastes energy - all that longing and wanting - talking about it for days. and then spends a couple of days of playing with it and is done.

because she is emotionally so invested i wonder if she is going to look at her childhood as she grew up with no toys. that she longed and didnt get her longings fulfilled. she does get a few - but not all that she wants.

Originally Posted by almama

This is quite natural, and I'd take solace in the fact that she finds most pleasure in made-up toys.

Here are some strategies if it is bugging you though:

1. Put the toy buying in her hands. Do you give her an allowance?

2. Do some media literacy.

3. If she is interested and you feel it is OK, talk about the toys and where they are made, and how. A handmade local toy has a very different story than one made in China.

1. I have had to put her on a toy allowance. and even that she finds agonising. i guess life has become pretty agonising for her once she turned 5 and realised she cant have everything that she wants. and the toy aspect is one of the many areas where she faces a real dilemma.

i guess i am trying to find a process that will make her understand its not such a big deal.

2. Here is the funny thing about media literacy. she totally gets it. only in adult ads. even before i could begin literacy for her she was telling me about how the makeup ads just hide. dont really change you. she is able to see thru most adult advts. but where children's advt are concerned - she struggles. i have done some literacy but poor child still gets sucked in. i have shown her how the cover shows so many pieces - but in reality she only gets a few of those pieces.

3. i havent gone down the - how is the toy made route yet. or the plastics and recycling bit. maybe that's what i need to do with her. she is v. much in the green route and not wasting. recycling. i havent talked about associating toys with the green aspect.

Girlprof - THANKS for baby plays idea. even though they are younger toys she might enjoy them. it IS something i am going to keep in mind. not sure if it is going to work for us. because you do it once a month or once in two months. plus you make a commitment of 6 months. not sure if they have that many toys in their inventory for my dd. the toys on the list is an issue by itself.
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[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Girlprof

There is something like netflix for toys. I think it's called Baby Plays or something like that but googling netflix for toys should get it for you.

I was gonna say there ought to be a library type exchange type thing for toys, so kids can borrow things and return them in a week.