PG after Infertility/Loss

[songbird45]

Can we start a thread for those of us who have experienced m/c or infertility? I just want a group that understands that paralyzing fear I feel every time my symptoms subside for a bit. I am dying to have the next ultrasound even though the last one was just last week, just to make sure everything is still okay. A week is an eternity for a little embryo, anything could have happened!

I just want to know I'm not alone, and that paranoia is normal...

[rjruiz_415]

Oh mama!
I have not experienced IF, but I did have a m/c earlier this year, so i understand where you are coming from

[*violet*]

We experienced secondary infertility, then finally got pregnant in May, after nearly a year and a half of trying each month. Sadly, I m/c in late June.

I'm a nervous wreck. My midwives won't see me until I'm 11 weeks. If I want an u/s, I'll have to see if I can have one scheduled. I sure wish I could go sooner and have a transvaginal u/s.

[songbird45]

I had a visit with the midwife this week (7 weeks), just a kind of "get to know you" visit. She explained about the practice and the hospital's protocols and stuff like that, and had some suggestions about m/s and whatnot. But the next visit at 11 weeks we're going to try to hear the heartbeat and I'm super nervous! I wish we could just fast forward time until that appointment! I don't know how I"m going to wait four whole weeks. I just want to see that everything is still okay in there.

[songbird45]

A funny(?) story:
When I told my mom about the pregnancy, I said, "I got a positive pregnancy test."

When dh told his mom about the pregnancy, he said, "You're going to be a grandmother!"

I'm just not ready to think so far ahead as to imagine an actual child.

[shantiani]

Oh good, I'm glad someone started this thread! I was just thinking about doing the same thing earlier today. It's nice to have a safe place to worry (or whine ) without unnecessarily freaking out everyone else in the DDC with our stories.
I've been a little hesitant to post anything other than a hello, because I'm only 4w5d and I've had 3 m/c in a row. As I watch people introduce themselves, and then other people sadly leave, and others talk about early symptoms... I just get this sinking feeling like "I was just here! Three times! And now I'm starting all over!"
But on the bright side, I'm feeling really good about this preg. Maybe it's because my boobs are getting bigger already and I'm tired in the afternoons. I feel like this one is going to be a strong and healthy pregnancy : : : : :
I read that last sentence and I sound soooo much more confident than I feel. : I really DO have a good feeling .... but I am so scared anyway and I just can't help it!

[2sweetboysmom]

My name is Joy, it took me 4.5 years to become pregnant with my first (many many Clomid and Repronex IUI cycles with more u'sounds and blood draws than I care to remember) I have had a total of 5 early losses over the past 11 years. I very likely could have lost my youngest at the end of my last pregnancy, I firmly believe it is only by an extra measure of God's grace that he is here. :
This time I have no insurance so I am flying blind (no HCG or u'sound confirmation of a healthy looking pregnancy) I am pretty neurotic constantly checking the tp and considering each symptom, lack of symptom, twinge, bloop and cervical zinger.
I definately understand being anxious.

[blissful_maia]

Hey mamas and mamas-to-be. I am also glad to have this thread. I was absolutely devastated to lose my last pregnancy. I have two daughters, and consider myself pretty fertile. I had a small window in which to become pregnant, and was so confident and ecstatic when I conceived. The day I started bleeding, I wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. I thought I was not going to be able to have another pregnancy/baby for about a year. However, after much reflecting, praying and listening to our intuition, we decided to go ahead and try (even though the "timing" isn't perfect). There's so much more to life than practical or logistic goals, IMO, including building a family how and when we feel in our hearts.

So here we are. I got a BFP at only 10dpo and have already been feeling totally nauseous (never did with my past 3 pregnancies) and exhausted so I feel like this is a sticky, healthy little one. I just really, really hope this one stays inside long enough for us to meet him.

to all of you! :

[veganmama719]

Secondary infertility and losses for us. My first 2 were conceived pretty easily in my mid-thirties. We've been trying since July 2007 with 2 losses (In Feb and Aug).
Glad to be here, I hope we can all stay.

[WeasleyMum]

Originally Posted by songbird45

I had a visit with the midwife this week (7 weeks), just a kind of "get to know you" visit. She explained about the practice and the hospital's protocols and stuff like that, and had some suggestions about m/s and whatnot. But the next visit at 11 weeks we're going to try to hear the heartbeat and I'm super nervous! I wish we could just fast forward time until that appointment! I don't know how I"m going to wait four whole weeks. I just want to see that everything is still okay in there.

Originally Posted by songbird45

A funny(?) story:
When I told my mom about the pregnancy, I said, "I got a positive pregnancy test."

When dh told his mom about the pregnancy, he said, "You're going to be a grandmother!"

I'm just not ready to think so far ahead as to imagine an actual child.

Songbird, I could have written these posts exactly. I had a scan at 6 weeks, at 9 weeks, and again two days ago at 12.5. Each time, the wait between them is interminable. When we got the positive test and DH started thinking, "baby", I was thinking, "embryo". I can't wait until we all have our babies safely in arms.

[ArtsyHeartsy]

I haven't had infertility, but I have had 2 m/c's, the last was terrible, the first was before I even realized I was pregnant. I completely understand the anxiousness. I called the midwife yesterday and since i had a period (???) in Oct they won't see me till mid December! I am pretty sure that the bleeding was not a period though because my bfp was wayyyy too soon, (cycle day 11) anyway...I just want to get in to see her and hopefully get an u/s. I'm dying to make sure there is something going on!!!!

My mw's nurse is going to call me next week to see if I can get in earlier based on my situation.:

[Mama_Michelle]

I have also been very anxious. During quiet moments, I have a hard time thinking about anything besides the possibility that I could m/c. And, sadly, it is beyond my capabilities right now to think of me carrying my "child" - right now it is a "pregnancy". I feel very disconnected from myself. I really hope hearing a heartbeat in a few weeks gives me some needed reassurance.

[Pavlovs]

I'm coming in a little late, but am thankful for this thread. I've m/c twice this year, and have the same tentativeness you guys seem to feel. I had an appointment at 6 weeks, but my doc had to cancel at the last minute, and they couldn't reschedule me for 2 weeks. It seems like a lifetime before I can know things are ok (at least for the time being). My only solace is the 24/7 m/s and exhaustion, but I still worry. I haven't even introduced myself to this board yet because the last 2 times I did I m/c soon after - I'm paranoid! Hopefully posting today won't jinx me.

[Sophiasmomma]

i mc this yr.. in May at 12 weeks
My fear this time is going that far along again to only have it happen again

[chrissy]

: to all you mamas.

I have had 2 miscarriages, both between my second and third living children. The first was at 8.5 weeks. We had already seen a healthy heartbeat on ultrasound, and then I just started bleeding one day. The baby was already gone at that point. I got pregnant again a couple of months later, but started to miscarry almost as soon as the pregnancy was confirmed by blood test. I insisted on some testing and they all came back totally fine. I asked about Progesterone and the OB said that the research is inconclusive as to whether or not it is a cause of miscarriage and whether or not suppositories could help. Because of that he didn't see any reason to test me for it, but said that he would have no problem prescribing it b/c it couldn't hurt. So, I thought it over and researched it and discussed it with my midwife and my acupuncturist and decided to give it a try. The next cycle I used it once O was confirmed and got pregnant with Rowan!

Interestingly, I was nursing during both of my miscarriages. Lilah had weaned just before the cycle that I started progesterone. Then we weaned, I started progesterone and I immediately got pregnant again and carried that baby (Rowan) to term.

So, this time I am taking progesterone but I am also still nursing. I am not going to wean Rowan, but I am nervous that nursing is a factor in my miscarriages. My midwife recommends that I eat a ton of protein (100 grams/day) and drink a ton of water and take extra EFA's.

I feel myself cringing inside when Rowan wants to nurse, out of fear that it will cause me to miscarry.

[majorsky]

After my first m/c I developed a rule for myself -- I keep my PG secret until the fetus is an actual 5 weeks old, then I call the doc/midwife and say, "I just found out I'm pregnant but I don't know how far along!" It helps to be vague when they ask when your last period was ("I think it was ______, but then maybe it was before that."). They have to do an u/s to measure the fetus, and they'll find the heartbeat for you. It's hard enough for me to wait until the fetus is about 5 weeks -- I would go crazy if I had to wait longer for the u/s. So that's my plan... first week in December I'll call and get an appt.

for all the ladies on this thread -- I completely understand what you're feeling. I go through waves of anxiety and fear all day long.

Kristin

[kjbarr1174]

Songbird: I'm so glad you started this thread!

Because DH and I have been trying for quite some time, it feels so weird to say "We're pregnant." I'm totally paranoid. I'm considered "risky" because I couldn't conceive for 2 1/2 years, so I get an u/s every week. It feels a little surreal. Also, I'm scared of my genetic history - my mom had 5 m/c. I feel like I shouldn't get too excited too soon.

When are you mamas telling people that you are pregnant? Due to my paranoia, I don't feel that it is safe to tell people until I've hit the 12 week mark. But... my mom knows. And she's already started to blab to people. Thanksgiving is coming... but I'd only be 8 weeks along.

[shantiani]

I'm telling people pretty freely already (friends and family anyway) and I'm only 5wks. It's funny though... my first preg I TRIED to wait until 12 weeks but was so excited that I told quite a few people. It was so horrible untelling people that I was much more secretive about the next two. The thing is.... when I miscarried that third time at 9 weeks, I was upset, depressed, couldn't focus at work, and really wanted to talk to people about it. I ended up telling several people that I had had another miscarriage even though they didn't even know I was pregnant again (like at work, I felt like I had to explain why I started spontaneously crying on my computer, or why I was running late on deadlines). It was weird because they didn't get to experience that whole cycle of excitement, anticipation and then disappointing shock along the way and so, for those who didn't know I was pg, they weren't all able to sympathize in quite the same way as people who knew. It is truly horrible to "untell" people after a m/c but I just realized that it's actually easier for me to be open with people (that I know well and will see often) straight away and let them ride the experience with me, for better or for worse. I've found the most amazing support in surprising places that way.
It such a personal decision (when to tell) and, for me anyway, has really depended on my state of mind going into the pregnancy. This time around I'm feeling an odd mixture of a little bit of confidence and a lot of reckless abandon.... F it..... I'm telling anyone who is interested!
(Possibly also related to my absolutely psychotic hormones making me crazy!)

[Dalene]

I'm tentatively joining in here. My son died in labor in April, possibly due to a compressed cord. He was fullterm, healthy and perfect and weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz. He died and I wanted to die, too. I'm 6 weeks today and holding my breath until I hopefully get to see a hearbeat on Dec. 1. I've lost my innocence and I hate that.

[blissful_maia]

Originally Posted by Dalene

I'm tentatively joining in here. My son died in labor in April, possibly due to a compressed cord. He was fullterm, healthy and perfect and weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz. He died and I wanted to die, too. I'm 6 weeks today and holding my breath until I hopefully get to see a hearbeat on Dec. 1. I've lost my innocence and I hate that.

I remember reading your story around the time that it happened. I am so sorry for what your family has been through, and will be thinking of you until you have a gorgeous healthy babe in your arms. I hope this pregnancy is healthy and healing for you.