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So I wigged out at the Walmart greeter today... - Page 5

post #81 of 181
This thread. First of all, I understand some of us hate Walmart. I admit, I've posted about avoiding walmart and gotten in arguments with people who say boycotting walmart is worthless. I've also shopped there. We do what we can, but that's not the topic of the thread. Way to change the subject and judge someone who wants feedback on something totally different. I'm sick of the way we sometimes need disclaimers here... like "I stopped at McDonalds today ***WE ONLY HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM AND DD GOT A FRUIT SALAD BECAUSE SHE HADN'T EATEN LUNCH TODAY BUT WE USUALLY NEVER GO THERE IN FACT WE'RE TOTALLY LOCAL ORGANIC VEGETARIAN*** anyways, I ran into my friend..." etc etc etc. Who cares why you were at McDonalds. On with the pertinent story. The sad thing is, if someone were to post the story without the disclaimer, we'd have several moms jumping in saying "ooh, I'd never feed my kids that garbage, maybe that's why he had that meltdown 2 weeks later, or why he had an accident that night" um, yeah.

Anyways, back to the actual story. I personally would have been gentler in the way I spoke to him. It sounds like he was well intentioned, even though he was crossing a line there. I guess I would have picked up dc and said "no, she's nervous right now" and stepped back a bit to set a clear picture that were weren't okay with him grabbing dc. If it continued, I would have gotten increasingly firm with him.
post #82 of 181
Thread Starter 

UPDATE! Again!

I got a call from Walmart yesterday (Sunday) from a manager who said he assured me this type of action would not happen again (I am assuming he spoke to this guy) and he apologized for any trauma it may have caused (those were his exact words!) and gave us a gift certificate. I gave the certificate to a friend who really needs the money and I just will avoid that particular place again. I don't shop there all the time, it was just nearby and my girl was already fussy and I just wanted to get my shopping done. Get the picture? Anyway, wow, I just read all the posts (it was only 2 pages long the last time I was on MDC) and I can honestly say after the incident I am very proud of how I handled the situation. I will be more wary of greeters and hopefully I won't have to experience this type of situation again. It is not pleasant to experience. Having an old man try to pry and hug you already shy and upset 2.5 year old daughter it just awful
post #83 of 181
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by haleyelianasmom View Post
This thread. First of all, I understand some of us hate Walmart. I admit, I've posted about avoiding walmart and gotten in arguments with people who say boycotting walmart is worthless. I've also shopped there. We do what we can, but that's not the topic of the thread. Way to change the subject and judge someone who wants feedback on something totally different. I'm sick of the way we sometimes need disclaimers here... like "I stopped at McDonalds today ***WE ONLY HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM AND DD GOT A FRUIT SALAD BECAUSE SHE HADN'T EATEN LUNCH TODAY BUT WE USUALLY NEVER GO THERE IN FACT WE'RE TOTALLY LOCAL ORGANIC VEGETARIAN*** anyways, I ran into my friend..." etc etc etc. Who cares why you were at McDonalds. On with the pertinent story. The sad thing is, if someone were to post the story without the disclaimer, we'd have several moms jumping in saying "ooh, I'd never feed my kids that garbage, maybe that's why he had that meltdown 2 weeks later, or why he had an accident that night" um, yeah.

Anyways, back to the actual story. I personally would have been gentler in the way I spoke to him. It sounds like he was well intentioned, even though he was crossing a line there. I guess I would have picked up dc and said "no, she's nervous right now" and stepped back a bit to set a clear picture that were weren't okay with him grabbing dc. If it continued, I would have gotten increasingly firm with him.
Thank you
post #84 of 181
I don't think I would have yelled at him. That probably wasn't handled very well.

BUT.. why on earth would he not notice that hugging a screaming child that he doesn't even know would be acceptable? That seems pretty out there to me. No matter what his disabilities are.

As if the fact that you were already at your breaking point wasn't clue enough to smile and back away.... I don't understand why an adult would think that talking to your child in that freakishly huggy tone would be O.K.

When my dd was really little, and she was suffering from having her tonsils out. I went into Wal Mart to get some Children's motrin. Up until that point, Children's motrin was by prescription only. SO, I ran in to get some when it first came out over the counter.

The greeter said "Awww... You look sad, do you want me to hold you while your mom shops?"..... LMAO!!! "Um... No?"
post #85 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I wonder if this particular Walmart greeter has some sort of disability himself that makes it hard for him to read other people's body languge.
That was my first thought.

I've had this happen a lot with my kids. I just tell people no, firmly, but nicely, and move on, fast. It's really hard though when people don't take no for an answer.
post #86 of 181
OP, having read the other replies, I want to come back and say that I'm glad you're proud of how you handled things.

Way to go, standing up for your child!

It is absolutely unacceptable for someone to try and pry your crying child away from you!

I also think most of these critics might find themselves yelling if the "sweet elderly gentleman" were treating them, as adults, the way he treated your child, and not taking no for an answer!

I don't understand why some people want to go soft on those that don't respect children's boundaries.
post #87 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
OP, having read the other replies, I want to come back and say that I'm glad you're proud of how you handled things.

Way to go, standing up for your child!

It is absolutely unacceptable for someone to try and pry your crying child away from you!

I also think most of these critics might find themselves yelling if the "sweet elderly gentleman" were treating them, as adults, the way he treated your child, and not taking no for an answer!

I don't understand why some people want to go soft on those that don't respect children's boundaries.
I don't think it's soft to see alternatives to yelling. I have this issue with an elderly acquaintance who can't accept my kids ever being shy or upset. She wants to prod them (ie tickling), hard, in the tummy, to make them laugh. I move them away, and tell her that they don't need that, but never, ever, have I yelled at her, and she can be, well, very persistent.

But I think that an elderly person deserves as much respect as my child. She doesn't intend to be mean. She just does not read the cues.

It's my job to protect my child, but also my place in society to deal with difficult situations with grace and good manners. Now, if I were walking down a street and a stranger tried to pry my child away, heck, yes, I"d yell. But in a store? No. I'd firmly lift my child, and tell the man no, but not yell. No matter how stressed. But then, I"m not a yeller. Or at least, I work hard not to be.
post #88 of 181
I would love to say that I would not have yelled at him as I know there is a better way, BUT the truth is that it is hard to say what I would have done in that situation. I think I might very well have handled it in the same way!
post #89 of 181
I think it's weird so many are worked up over compassion. something our society lacks GREATLY! I get that your DD was scared but geesh, what is yelling at someone for trying to comfort her teaching her?
post #90 of 181
It teaches her that it's okay to speak up in no uncertain terms when you are not comfortable with the way someone is touching you.
post #91 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
It teaches her that it's okay to speak up in no uncertain terms when you are not comfortable with the way someone is touching you.
This.

I was faced with a similar situation (with a person who may have been mentally disabled), I put my hand out infront of me (between the person and myself -DS was behind my legs) and said firmly and clearly, "Please stop. He does not want to be touched." They stopped.

Now if they had not stopped and tried to pry DS away from me? Heck ya I would've yelled at them.
post #92 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum View Post
I don't think it's soft to see alternatives to yelling. I have this issue with an elderly acquaintance who can't accept my kids ever being shy or upset. She wants to prod them (ie tickling), hard, in the tummy, to make them laugh. I move them away, and tell her that they don't need that, but never, ever, have I yelled at her, and she can be, well, very persistent.

But I think that an elderly person deserves as much respect as my child. She doesn't intend to be mean. She just does not read the cues.

It's my job to protect my child, but also my place in society to deal with difficult situations with grace and good manners. Now, if I were walking down a street and a stranger tried to pry my child away, heck, yes, I"d yell. But in a store? No. I'd firmly lift my child, and tell the man no, but not yell. No matter how stressed. But then, I"m not a yeller. Or at least, I work hard not to be.
Bravo. I agree with your entire post.

We're also here to teach manners, and how to interact with members of society who may or may not be disabled or suffer from mental illness.

You can show clear boundaries without yelling. It's what GD is all about, right?
post #93 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by kriket View Post
I really can't stand walmart. I don't know how you ladies shop there.
They have good prices, good selection, convenient.
post #94 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by SueSB View Post
I have problems often because my 2.5yo is sort of timid around strangers. People seem to need to persist with her. Why can't they just leave her alone? I need ideas for what to say to people. If I say, "She's shy," they usually leave her alone. But I'm not really comfortable labeling my daughter right in front of her!
Yes, I struggled with this when my daughter was younger as well (now that she's 4, she talks to everyone about everything ) I never used the word shy - because I think it can become a self-fulfilling label, and she really never was shy - she just wasn't fond of large groups or of people getting in her face.

So instead, I tried to say things like, "DD is feeling quiet right now" or "DD isn't feeling like talking right now". Or... I'd just smile &/or talk to the person myself, then turn to DD & say something like, "It's alright if you don't want to talk".
post #95 of 181
I am so appalled though that kids are not offered the same respect as adults as far as personal space goes.
No stranger would ever get in my face if I was feeling grumpy or try to hug me or touch me like I see people touching kids.
When my littlest guy was two he was crying in the corner of the post office. A woman got right up in his face and started saying "ooohhh whats the matter are you grumpy?" in a condecending sing songy mocking manner. He growled at her and she just laughed and got closer... so he kicked her in the shin! I was mortified , but in the same sense she was way out of line. I am sure she was a nice woman and ment best.
I have two kiddos on the spectrum and both have issues with needing a little bit of extra personal space when they are overstimulated. I try to advocate for that space for them ALL of the time because people just don't seem to respond when the kids either ask for space or are obviously terrified or crawling into a corner to get away.
My kiddos are so sweet, but I have to say that they get more than thier share of personal space invasion from people who are being playful or nice. It isn't always welcome and it is really unfair that people don't give children the same respect as they would to other people.
While I agree that it isn't nice to snap at someone ( I have done it a couple of times) I sort of get panicked myself when I am not being listened to in that regard.
post #96 of 181
double post.
post #97 of 181
He was making a bad situation worse. I think it's understandable that she was short with him, he wasn't exactly helping was he. If things were calm and fine and she had flipped that would be one thing. Screaming child being pried from me while I'm trying my best to exit a place as quickly as possible gets yelled at. Forgivable in my book.
post #98 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by haleyelianasmom View Post
This thread. First of all, I understand some of us hate Walmart. I admit, I've posted about avoiding walmart and gotten in arguments with people who say boycotting walmart is worthless. I've also shopped there. We do what we can, but that's not the topic of the thread. Way to change the subject and judge someone who wants feedback on something totally different. I'm sick of the way we sometimes need disclaimers here... like "I stopped at McDonalds today ***WE ONLY HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM AND DD GOT A FRUIT SALAD BECAUSE SHE HADN'T EATEN LUNCH TODAY BUT WE USUALLY NEVER GO THERE IN FACT WE'RE TOTALLY LOCAL ORGANIC VEGETARIAN*** anyways, I ran into my friend..." etc etc etc. Who cares why you were at McDonalds. On with the pertinent story. The sad thing is, if someone were to post the story without the disclaimer, we'd have several moms jumping in saying "ooh, I'd never feed my kids that garbage, maybe that's why he had that meltdown 2 weeks later, or why he had an accident that night" um, yeah.

Anyways, back to the actual story. I personally would have been gentler in the way I spoke to him. It sounds like he was well intentioned, even though he was crossing a line there. I guess I would have picked up dc and said "no, she's nervous right now" and stepped back a bit to set a clear picture that were weren't okay with him grabbing dc. If it continued, I would have gotten increasingly firm with him.
Yeah, pretty much word for word, I agree.
post #99 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum View Post
It's my job to protect my child, but also my place in society to deal with difficult situations with grace and good manners. Now, if I were walking down a street and a stranger tried to pry my child away, heck, yes, I"d yell. But in a store? No. I'd firmly lift my child, and tell the man no, but not yell. No matter how stressed. But then, I"m not a yeller. Or at least, I work hard not to be.

Bolding by me.


What is the difference? It is my job to protect my child and teach him how to protect himself EVERYWHERE. The OP had already tried being firm and polite and it wasn't working. It is sometimes ok to be seen as "rude" to protect yourself and our children need to know that.
post #100 of 181
"Thanks, we're fine, DD is ready to go home. DD, let's go, sweetie."

And if you want to reinforce the boundaries issue, I (hope) I would say nicely, "dd, you don't have to hug if you don't want to. Let's go."

My background is not North American, so that may explain it, but I see the elderly man as trying to be helpful, misguided as he was. I find it sad that there is "clapping" for him being yelled at. I get that the OP was frustrated, and annoyed (could've been me, my ds was the same way), but I don't get the congratulations for yelling at him.

I hope his manager was kind when he explained how to better interact with children.
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