Dh says homebirth is alot of work.

[Mom2SammyJoe]

I say that if I go with the flow like I did last time, I'll end up with another C/S.

DH agreed to a homebirth after watching BOBB early in the pregnancy. We have hired a great midwife with lots of experience and very reasonable fees, which is good, since homebirth is "excluded" from our insurance policy. He was fine with all of that. Now we are planning to go to a Natural Childbirth Class in January. The class is not at a hospital, tought by a doula, runs for 8 weeks, and costs $200. That means we need a babysitter for 8 evenings for our toddler. He is less excited about all of this. Also, midwife would like us to hire a doula, preferrably this teacher, to be present at the birth. Another $500, not covered by insurance (I checked).
Dh says that our nice, simple homebirth is getting out of hand. "Why would we want to hire another stranger to be there?" I do see where he is coming from. I don't know if he is more concerned about money or about invasion of privacy. I really believe that having a doula could be awesome in the hospital, but do I really need one in my own home? Especially after an 8 week class and hiring a midwife? I don't know. But I do see the benefits of having a doula.
Then I start thinking about the other supplies I need to get for birth along with herbal supplements I think I should use and that I am leaving my part time job when the baby comes in April, if not sooner, and this all gets really overwhelming.
I don't think I am asking to get talked into having a doula, maybe I just needed to vent. Any encouragement is appreciated. I just need to know that I have done everything possible to ensure a safe and gentle birth for me and baby, but at what financial and emotional cost?

[luv]

I just wanted to say that I think my husband loved our doula more than I did She is really there to support you both. If you decide you want a doula there but need help convincing your hubby I can put your husband in contact with my husband

-luv

[KikaKika]

Go with your gut instinct - if you think you need an extra person there, you can find a novice doula that is in process of certification and who charges less than $500.
Couple of my friends were so happy to have a doula, just because their DH's forgot what to do at times. It happens.

Maybe it would be helpful if you talk to your DH and find out if it's just $$$ that bothers him. There is alway a way to work out a financial plan, and this should not overshadow your beautiful birthing time.

That said - congratulations on your HB choice! :
It is going to be wonderful, and you are doing all the right things - everything else is fine tuning.

[devon]

I do understand - we are in the same boat (although DH is not complaining about the cost yet). Our "hospital birth" would have literally been free with insurance. But, as you obviously know, it is going to be worth it to have a home birth.

I second the advice about hiring a novice - that might be a good option! And just because your midwife 'wants' you to have this certain doula - you don't even know if it would be a good fit or not with her, and fit is key with a doula.

I didn't have a doula with my first two births(first at a hossy, second unplanned HB). If I was having a hospital birth this time, I would have definitely had a doula. But for a HB? Not neccessarily.

[dogmom327]

The best things in life are often not easy or cheap

I'd try to get more info out of your midwife as to why she thinks you need a doula. It may be that she's the type of MW who provides minimal support and that's fine if that works for you but it would be good to know that now. Personally I can't imagine having a doula for a home birth (would absolutely have one for a hospital birth though--doula's rock!). My MW is the really supportive type though and I really prefer to labor alone so I don't know what would be left for a doula to do.

Also, I agree with PP that you should have a heart to heart with your husband and find out exactly what's bothering him since it will be easier to address it that way.

ETA: "A lot of work" sounds exactly like something my DH would say

[Mom2SammyJoe]

I think my midwife may want a doula, especially this doula, because she does not have an assistant with her at births. I know that she thinks highly of the doula, and maybe she wants an extra set of hands aound that she trusts. At least that is the impression I got.

[D'sMama]

It's possible that he's expressing his fears about the birth or having a(nother) child or providing for the family through this fixation on the doula or the "work" of homebirth. IME, men don't always take the most direct route to communicating their worries.

Remind him that the doula will give him an opportunity to rest, eat and shower, so he doesn't have to be your support person the entire time. And it's not the MW's job to massage his shoulders when he's tense or sore from massaging yours, but a doula will probably be helping him out too. Let him know what's in it for him! That tends to work with my DH.

At what financial and emotional cost? Well, babies cost money! But IMO, a homebirth is worth as much as I can possibly afford. It's the only birth you and your baby will have together, and it's important to give yourself the best opportunity for it to be a healthy and happy one, whatever that means for you. And emotional? Yo, pregnancy is stressful! If you weren't freaking over the doula, or the cost, you'd find something else to freak about.
Seriously, don't stress too much about this. You still have plenty of time to decide if you want a doula.

(Last note: don't hire this teacher as your doula just b/c your MW wants you too - you have to feel comfortable with her too!)

[dogmom327]

Originally Posted by Mom2SammyJoe

I think my midwife may want a doula, especially this doula, because she does not have an assistant with her at births. I know that she thinks highly of the doula, and maybe she wants an extra set of hands aound that she trusts. At least that is the impression I got.

That makes sense. It's too bad though she doesn't just make it a package deal like you often see for the MW and back up. Makes it easier for DH's to process

[peainthepod]

I don't know if you need a doula, but I had a doula at my recent homebirth and she was an angel. And it's true that she was there as much for DH as for me. She was amazing and did everything without being asked. She helped me through the worst of transition and I seriously don't know if I could have gotten through the pushing stage without her moral and physical support.

Personally I will do whatever it takes to have a doula again if I ever decide to have another child. She was worth every penny.

[sanddollarmama]

We are having a doula at our homebirth as well as our midwife and its actually my husband who wants the Doula, I thought I would be fine with him and the midwife!!! My husband says the Doula is for HIM mainly, so he can make sure he is doing the right things as he can be a bit of a worry wart.

[barefootpoetry]

Yes. Yes it is. But it's so totally 100% worth it.

Believe me, I wanted to pack it in MANY times during my pregnancy. There was so much to plan, do, buy, think about, figure out, prepare for. So many times I just wanted to throw up my hands and sign up for a RCS.

But I didn't and I am so incredibly glad. I couldn't see beforehand how it would pay off, but man, did it ever.

[jrabbit]

sure it's *more* work than a hospital birth where they do everything for you! Home birth, you have to really be committed because there *are* risks. And if you don't have the strength to do the work, then what? (I mean emotional, physical, etc)

But I compare what I know about my body and my pregnancy to other moms, I'm actually sorry for them. (i.e., water broke, didn't know that her amniotic fluid would replenish itself as needed through proper hydration after a leak - that just seems to me like basic knowledge that all women should have) There are many very educated women who *want* a natural birth but don't have the knowledge that it takes. And they are often the ones swept up in the hospital protocol and don't realize it. It's much much easier to trust the *hospital* to do all the thinking for you. (in no way am I suggesting that a mom who chooses a hospital birth doesn't know what's happening - I am saying that **most** people do not have complete information.)

Sorry if my comments are rambling and not coherent. I need to go to bed! But all that WORK is worth it in the end, really! : It's what gives you the confidence to get through the hell of labor because you can visualize the reward.

--janis

[alegna]

I didn't have a doula or take classes with either birth. Didn't miss them. But that's me.

I'm not sure homebirth is *more* work as much as *different* work.

No packing bags. No rushing to the hospital. No filling out papers. No negotiating with staff. No searching for food when you want it. No sleeping on pull out chairs....

-Angela

[Beakybird]

Interesting the replies on here. I found having a homebirth to be work free, other than buying a few supplies.

Regarding the doula...it depends on if you are the type of person that needs emotional support, you have already said your husband does'nt, so the question is, do you need her?

I personally get tense if there are people, other than my husband around.

I also took classes before too, which taught me nothing. Each birth is usually very different so there is no one way for all births and that is usually what they will teach you.

There is so much information online and in books that I would not spend money on classes, but again it depends on what you need to feel comfortable with the whole process.

[phatchristy]

Having a hospital birth would be so much work for me emotionally and physically (as well as finding someone I trusted to watch the kids, etc.) and having to fight against staff to get what I want...I don't know if your DH is losing his perspective of the big picture or what.

A friend of mine (doula/birth assistant) has been at the last three births. Honestly, sure I probably didn't *need* someone there, however darn it...it was nice. She has such good positive energy and like someone else said it really took the pressure off of DH. He really just could relax and watch things unfold and not worry that he wasn't doing this or that right, etc.

[MsBlack]

I agree that having a doula at a homebirth can be wonderful....and in some cases where dh is not the best sort for labor support but mom needs it....a doula may be invaluable. However, I can't say a doula should be required even though I do encourage fams to consider who in their fam/friend circle might be a good helper if they need one. Otherwise, 2 things do come to mind for me as a midwife:

1. While I totally understand a mw wanting help on hand, if she really requires that help to be somewhat trained like that particular doula, than yes, it IMO should be part of her fee and she would take care of paying this helper.

2. If she wants you to have a 'doula', then you certainly ought to be able to choose just who--be that a professional doula or a friend/fam member whom you/dh are comfy with and who seems likely to be calm, sensible and helpful in ways asked.

But yeah....homebirth is definitely 'work'. Just not nearly as much work as parenting! And that work is so very worth it in so many ways.

[Emmeline II]

I didn't see it as more work. I thought the prep was fun:. I was so excited to shop for birthing supplies:. Classes happen with home or hospital birth (so tell him a hospital birth would not get him out of the class), though usually just with the first babes. Bradley classes are VERY important for dads who aren't gobbling up birthing books (that would be most dads I think ). I told my dh that he was either taking the $200 class or he could stay home and I would hire the $500 doula:. My first pregnancy he was not into learning ANYTHING and I said that I was not confident in his ability to support me during birth. The Bradley class improved this A LOT; they need to hear these things from someone other than you ('cause you're just a birth obsessed emotional female ).

But for a second babe, the book "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" is very informative. In your situation, I think you would get more benefit from (your own) doula, and your dh reading the book, then taking the Bradley class.

[punkrawkmama27]

My husband says the same thing. He will say that it is going to be a lot of work for him. In the hospital he got to sit there, now at home he has to actually help me. He complains sometimes too about the cost. If we are paying the mw this much, why cant she do this or that. I used to get upset, but I ignore him now, I think he will come through. He doesnt say these things as much as he used to.

[Om Girl]

As far as classes: it's up to you. If you feel that you and your DH have a good handle on the process of birth and your DH feels he can support you in different labor positions and things then maybe you don't need the class.

As far as a doula: It may be nice to have another set of hands around for you and your DH in regards to your toddler. Sometimes having someone able to be there for you and for you toddler is a godsend. We're planning a homebirth and we're asking a friend of mine to come over just for our toddler. (She's also a doula, but I want her there for my DD so that DH can be exclusively focused on me).

I think a homebirth is a "lot of work" but it's amazing preparation for parenthood in that you become much more educated on issues related to birth and the politics of homebirth. I also find that homebirth tends to make my partner and I have deeper conversations about birth and the events leading up to it and exactly how I want to be supported. We understand that we need to take responsibility for our choices and therefore we've done more research and had deeper discussions than with the birth of our first.

[peainthepod]

Originally Posted by punkrawkmama27

My husband says the same thing. He will say that it is going to be a lot of work for him. In the hospital he got to sit there, now at home he has to actually help me.

:

I would tell him that he doesn't know what work is, until he's spent a full day pushing an entire human being out of his hoo-ha after carrying it for over nine months. They call it "labor" for a reason!