Waiting 3+ mos to ttc? Wanna start a group thread? - Page 2

[Monarchgrrl]

knittinanny- Yes, I'm trying to just walk more, instead of making it a chore or something I have to plan. It's hard, though, because I have a bum knee and am having extensive surgery on it at the end of January. So, it hurts quite a bit to walk for any length of time now, and then after surgery I will be on crutches for 8 weeks and be doing rehab for 6 months before I'll be walking any length of time. I'm going to try to use a pool for rehab, so that will help with some exercise and then hopefully get a bicycle for therapy and exercise. The whole knee issue just puts a wait time on exercise for me. But I know that with eating better and doing more weights and upper body stuff, I can lose some weight.

Work plans once the future baby comes:
I'm an Accountant, so I'm into budgets, big time. I've already figured how much I will earn by then (about 2 years-ish- IF I can wait that long!) and I've done our budget for having a part time in-home nanny for the baby, after our 3 month maternity leave is up. My DW gets 3 months maternity or paternity leave, FULL PAY, even if I have the baby. Her work has great benefits. I won't get full pay, but I'll have saved up at least 3 months of salary by then. Then I can work from home one day a week and DW works 4 days/week anyway, so if those days are not the same day, then we'll only need a nanny for 3 days/week. That's the plan, so far.

I've always wanted to stay home or have the other parent stay home, but unless I can increase my salary by almost my DW's salary amount, then it just can't happen for us, especially living where we do. I'm going to keep trying in the next few years to earn even more, but I just don't think it's realistic for us. So this is our plan B. I'm already saving up for our egg donation thingy (no idea what it's called when I would carry her egg) so we can pay cash for that. AND then saving up for my midwife-attended homebirth and doula (I will need a doula because my DW has already said "Well, I at least I won't have to work hard to help you. All I gotta do is say 'push push' at the end"

Whew! I'm glad I have a few years to save up for all that!

knittinanny, why don't you talk about your plans and maybe we can help throw some ideas at you, so then you can feel a little better about it?

[knittinanny]

Monarch - sad about the knee! Exercise in water really helps after surgery. My sister has a bad knee and spends lots of time in the pool.

Basically, I have my 'dream' plan for after we have babies and the starting reality we've got to work with.

The reality right now is that DP doesn't make enough money to support us both, even without a baby thrown into the mix. He's a Montessori teacher and has a second job working at a bike shop on Saturdays. He works really hard and loves what he does.

I work at non-profit and make about twice what DP does, which still isn't very much. I have a MA in gender studies, which isn't terribly useful or profitable outside academia (and that would require me to go back for my PhD) or the non-profit sector (where you make very little money). I don't really like my job and I really don't like working 9-5. I like being a homemaker. I have some random skills (I'm a very good cyclist and could possibly teach cycling safety, I used to teach dance, I'm very crafty, experienced in childcare) but feel like if I've spent all this money on higher education, I should probably use it. I would like to go back for my PhD at some point, but I don't know exactly what I want to study or do with it.

My dream plan is that I would stay home for at least a year while DP worked, and then after that I would do some stay-at-home work or part-time work so that I could be home as much as possible and doing the bulk of childcare. By the time a baby was 2.5 or 3, they would be able to be in DP's school for at least half the day, possibly all day, for free or nearly free. We currently have a friend living with us who will continue to live with us for at least a year after a baby is born, and will be able to provide some childcare (like maybe I could ask for one morning/afternoon a week) but not tons.

Thrown into this mix are these other things: I have lots of student loans (need to consolidate but currently about $700 a month), we really want to try to buy the house we're living in, and our long term family goal is to spend 70% of our time (the school year) in London and 30% of the year (summers) in Texas and/or Atlanta where our families are. I also really want to open a Montessori school which DP will teach at and I will administrate.

Wow. That's long. Sorry I just dumped the contents of my head out.

[megan sacha]

Great idea for a thread! I need something to do while I wait 10+ months! DS who was carried by DW was born in 4/07 and we initially were going to start trying with me around his 1st birthday but our KD left the area for what we thought was a year and it's now two years. So, we're planning to start ttc as soon as he returns.

Of course, my obsession right now is that I learned through his BF that he has started smoking again (hasn't for maybe 15 yrs) since he's lonely and stressed where he is. I can't believe he's smoking and don't know what to do about it. It's killing me but I don't feel I can bring it up to him, you know? I certainly don't want to try when he's smoking and I know he plans to stop when he returns but I want it stopped NOW!! ::

So, I can't make him healthy but I'm working on myself. I've started some vitamins suggested by my ND, but need to find a prenatal I can take. (I have a hard time swallowing large pills.) I've been seeing another ND specialist to help me with a long term GERD problem which he has pretty must 90% resolved after a 10 year battle. Yay! I want to lose about 25lbs by the time I ttc but have stalled on that. Need more exercise. We eat relatively healthy but not all the time. DW is suddenly on board for trying to get healthier too so we'll have a back up uterus if I'm not successful. I have PCOS, so I'm a bit negative about my chances. But, I REALLY want to be the one to get pg and she supports me in that.

We need to make a plan to save $$ and vacation time but haven't done that yet. There's so much to do and it's hard to find the time to think it all through with a toddler.

Glad to be able to share ideas on health optimization and get support here with you all.

[osker]

Welcome megan-sacha! I think that our group tends to be a bit of a slow one, especially with the holidays and ends of semesters... but then we're all on long roads, so slow and steady is great!

[milletpuff]

Hi! Forgive my temporary absence, but I'm now mostly done with finals. YAY! I've got a take home one that's not due till Jan 1 and a state licensing exam in a week, but those two aren't too bad to me.

I love to hear about peoples' plan, esp for budgeting. I have been thinking about this so much! We aren't going to have as much money as I'd like when we start TTC, but how do you budget for something that could cost $1,000 or could cost $40,000?? I like to do my budget for a year in advance too, and right now I'm going nuts because I have no idea what my income will be after I finish this program, or even when I would start earning an income, and I have no idea how much money it will cost to get knocked up.

Ideas?

Also, I'm wondering what the non-carrying partners out there are doing to prepare. I had a long long talk about it with my DP who is super supporting and wonderful. I am the obsessive researcher between us, and that's always worked for us, but now we both kind of don't know how she can be engaged in the process and a part of it.

Ideas?

xo

[megan sacha]

Originally Posted by milletpuff

Also, I'm wondering what the non-carrying partners out there are doing to prepare. I had a long long talk about it with my DP who is super supporting and wonderful. I am the obsessive researcher between us, and that's always worked for us, but now we both kind of don't know how she can be engaged in the process and a part of it.

Ideas?

xo

Well, does the non-obsessive researcher like to research at all? Could you give her a "task" of researching something related to ttc or social networks you could be part of as ttc or pg or parenting partners or things you'll need for the babe once you have one?

[milletpuff]

Eh, I don't think she's as into researching as I am at all, I also think she feels a little overwhelmed with all the research I've done maybe? That's a good idea tho, I could definitely come up with something and see how that goes. Two of her co workers had the same midwife for their home births and loved her, I could get her on that trail, since a finding health care practitioners is sort of looming at the top of the list!

[osker]

Kittenanny - Are you having a birthday today?? If so, I hope it is a good one!

Happy Birthday!

[Monarchgrrl]

Originally Posted by milletpuff

Eh, I don't think she's as into researching as I am at all, I also think she feels a little overwhelmed with all the research I've done maybe? That's a good idea tho, I could definitely come up with something and see how that goes. Two of her co workers had the same midwife for their home births and loved her, I could get her on that trail, since a finding health care practitioners is sort of looming at the top of the list!

That sounds exactly like my DW. She won't be doing any research or probably any reading! I'm going to try to make her read the Birth Partner book since I will want her support for the birth but we'll also have a Doula for that stuff, so if she doesn't read it, it's fine.

I think my DW is mainly much more concerned about life and what happens once the baby is born. I'm perfectly fine doing all the research and preparing needed for the conception, pregnancy and birth. I want it all done my way, anyway

Sorry, I don't really have ideas. I've resigned myself to the idea that I am the researcher/preparer and she's not and that's fine with me since I'll be carrying and she won't. She can help more with the stuff that happens once the baby is in our arms. We're still having some discussions about vaxes. We're close to being in agreement (I think), but not quite. That's the only thing we've found so far that we don't agree about 100%.

[knittinanny]

Originally Posted by osker

Are you having a birthday today?? If so, I hope it is a good one!

Happy Birthday!

Thanks! It was my birthday! I had a lovely surprise party, but then I got the flu and I've been out of commission for a few days. I'm on the mend now, but it's totally messed up my charting and temping for this month. C'est la vie, I suppose. I'm still waiting on my copy of Fully Fertile. It's amidst Christmas post and is taking a long time to arrive.

I don't feel like my DP is that involved in the TTC process yet. It's been a hard slog just getting him to be ok with the whole baby idea. He's mostly excited about it, but is still pretty fearful. Just last night, he said again that babies are too much work. I'm not sure how to get him more involved. I'm the obsessive researcher in our house. I'm sure once we get nearer and start talking about medicine and procedures and stuff, he'll be more interested, especially if we end up being able to use his eggs. I am really aware though that right now, TTC seems like 'my baby project' rather than a family thing.

[knittinanny]

Hey everyone! Happy new year! I finally got my copy of FF and I'm starting week one on Monday. I skimmed some of it over the past few days and read that a follicle starts getting ready at 120 days before you ovulate it. That's like...now. That's both exciting and utterly terrifying.

I also did some obsessive research about caffeine. I think I have to cut it out entirely. I don't want to do anything to risk my fertility especially since (guilty confession time) I just stopped smoking for-real about a month ago. I was down to one every two or three days, but still, I'm sure it was affecting me negatively. But I'm totally done with it now.

So...how's everyone doing?

[osker]

Congrats on stopping smoking! That's awesome!!! Good for you!!!!
I'm glad you got your copy of FF. Now I'm thinking about the hot lemon water for week one... yum! I kind of miss it, I may have to go get some now just for the yumminess of it. Word of advice though, add the lemon SLOWLY! Yowsa! I had one where I added way too much lemon! Yikes!

I cut out caffeine too (I think I said this before), and it was hard for the first two weeks probably, but since then it's been awesome! I don't get tired at the end of the day, I fall asleep no problem.. it's been so great.

We're technically supposed to be on week six or something like that, but we haven't been able to get past week three, where you change all the food you eat for healthier stuff... We can't seem to move beyond the really quick foods that we pick up at the closest grocery store. This happens to be the really expensive organic store, so we try not to buy the really expensive stuff there... which means that we buy the packaged crappy food... and then wish we had a closer store for produce and fresh stuff that didn't cost an arm and a leg. Ugh. It's such a pain. We need to put in more effort, but we get caught up in the snow and lack of time and many other excuses for not making effort. Last night we even ordered pizza and now Heather wants to just order pizza again tonight. Blech.
Anyone have tips for healthy, easy eating?

[milletpuff]

Hey! Happy New Year! As we were raising our glasses this time, we were all, um hopefully next year it'll be fizzy water in my glass cos I'm knocked up. Exciting and terrifying indeed, knittinanny!

Osker, the best thing we did to get our healthy eating on track was to make a list of 5-ish breakfast-y things and 10-20-ish lunch/dinner-y things that are pretty easy to make, pretty cheap, and pretty healthy. That way, when we're feeling lazy and can't "think" of anything to eat we have a quick reference list. Also, most of those are dishes that can freeze or store well, so if we make dinner, we make 2 or 3 times the recipe and freeze. Actually, I got a chest freezer for this exact reason, thinking about baby-times and wanting to have a freezer full of healthy frozen meals for after the baby's born and no one wants to cook.

And, now I'm going to get that damn list out because I forgot all about it and after the 107,750,236 calories I consumed over the holidays, I am so ready to get back on that train.

[milletpuff]

PS I meant to post an update and a thanks to your replies about getting my partner involved. I guess posting here made me realize that I was having feelings about it that snuck up on me, so that was good. I asked her about getting the midwife info, and mentioned the part about feeling like I wanted her to feel engaged in the process too, and she was like OH YES DEFINITELY! She got the midwife info a day or so later, and has been waiting till after the holidays to call, but she's really into it!

She's also taken on the task of perhaps trying to find a Jewish community here that we can connect to, and a rabbi or someone to perform a commitment ceremony or blessing for the kid.

I think it just sort of snuck up on both of us, but it totally didn't take much for her to come up with ways for her to engage too. So, thanks for the discussion. Since I'm new-ish to where I live, I don't have many people to chat with about this baby stuff, and I am DEFINITELY a "figure-it-out-while-talking-it-thru" girl, so I appreciate this opportunity!

[megan sacha]

Originally Posted by milletpuff

PS I meant to post an update and a thanks to your replies about getting my partner involved. I guess posting here made me realize that I was having feelings about it that snuck up on me, so that was good. I asked her about getting the midwife info, and mentioned the part about feeling like I wanted her to feel engaged in the process too, and she was like OH YES DEFINITELY! She got the midwife info a day or so later, and has been waiting till after the holidays to call, but she's really into it!

She's also taken on the task of perhaps trying to find a Jewish community here that we can connect to, and a rabbi or someone to perform a commitment ceremony or blessing for the kid.

I think it just sort of snuck up on both of us, but it totally didn't take much for her to come up with ways for her to engage too. So, thanks for the discussion. Since I'm new-ish to where I live, I don't have many people to chat with about this baby stuff, and I am DEFINITELY a "figure-it-out-while-talking-it-thru" girl, so I appreciate this opportunity!

Awesome news!

knittinanny - great news on quitting smoking for good..what an accomplishment! Now, could you make our donor quit? :

Nothing new here. I'm just charting away, well as best you can with a toddler. I'm trying to work on getting healthier but that's slow going with it being so hard for me to get out and exercise right now. And, I'm trying to refrain from stressing out about my aging body that won't even get a shot at ttc until this fall (yippee though, it's now less than a year away) and trying to not stress about all the things I can't control, like the now smoking KD. Ugh. I just want him to QUIT right now so that his body can clean out before we start but he doesn't even know that we know he's been smoking so it's a little hard to bring up and feels like it's not our place, you know? My DW said she wants to start ttc with him even if he hasn't quit smoking but that feels so wrong to me. Yes, you can get pg with a smoker (my sister proved that) but research shows it really reduces your chances and I don't need that. And, it could cause birth defects. What to do, what to do?

[Monarchgrrl]

Hi all! It's great to read what's going on with everyone.

Right now I'm just dealing with having my knee surgery next week! EEEK! :

And hopefully starting midwifery school in a couple months. I'll come help ya'll deliver your babies.

And then last night DW and I got into a little tiff about vaxing. So, I guess I've decided that if we can't come to an agreement (that leans WAY towards my side. HA!) then I'm not going to have kids with her, and since we're married for life, then that means we'll never have kids. I feel THAT strongly about it. But since we're a few years off from TTC, I'm trying to just not worry about it and hope that she changes her mind during that time, with my well-placed literature and research.

I'll post a lot more when I'm bed-ridden for the next month, and working from home!

[milletpuff]

Wow, that's really tough about the vax issue. Things can and do change so hopefully she can see your way, er, I mean, you can come to an agreement. I had a brief moment of thinking we were going to have a similar issue around circ, but THANKFULLY I don't think that's the case. Well, hugs for that anyway. And, btw, almost everyone I know had a crappy or at least challenging start to the new year. I bet some crazy planet was in retrograde or something.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR RECOVERY! And school

[knittinanny]

Hello everyone! Lots of things to respond to:

Osker - as for the healthy eating and things being expensive: I hear ya! The one thing that I've done in the past year that has made us both eat healthier and spend less money even when we're tired and lazy is to make super-serious meal plans for a month at a time. I do a big shop at the beginning of the month for everything except milk, eggs, and fruit/veg, and then I don't buy anything else the rest of the month. We've set up a weekly delivery of fruit/veg, milk, and eggs through a CSA. We don't get to the point of ordering pizza (usually...) because I always know what's for dinner, and all the ingredients are already there. It sounds kind of fussy and over-organized, but it really really makes life easier. And we've stopped eating pre-made meals and 'veggie fast food'.

Monarch - good luck with your knee surgery! Is it an outpatient surgery, or are they keeping you overnight? Get that midwifery degree started! I'm sure you'd love to take a trip to London in the future to catch some babies, right? DP and I haven't really had a conversation about vaxing yet because I don't feel like either of us have done enough research about it. Can you recommend some good, non-biased stuff for me to read?

megan- if it's any consolation (it's not) my dad smoked when both my sister and I were conceived, and we turned out OK. I'm not sure what the situation is with your KD (whether he's a friend or something) but I think you should gently bring it up with him. He might be feeling really guilty about it and want help quitting.

I've been drinking my hot lemon water for the past 3 days and feel much cleaner already. I got some dental work done on Monday which is still hurting me, but hopefully will be the last 'work' I need to have done. Ever. No me gusta dentists. I haven't started back at yoga yet (or started doing the yoga regime in FF) but have ordered some mats for home so DP and I will hopefully get back on the yoga wagon before too long.

Is anyone interested in answering some of the questions in the FF study guide together? I can link to the guide and explain some of the backstory it refers to for people without the book, if y'all are interested. I'm journaling about it myself, but it would be nice to share and discuss with other people.

[osker]

A meal plan sounds like a great idea. We've also been trying to use the crock pot to make soups ahead of time so that dinner is ready when we get home. It's tough though because the recipes tend to be multiple servings, many more than we need. For example, Heather made split pea soup Tuesday morning and we had it for dinner that night... and then for lunch the next day... fed some to the babies she takes care of... and there's still some left! It's good, but not that good, you know!?!
In effort to get more exercise we started a bootcamp group on a website we've been using for years. They give you a ten minute video every day, so far we've done one for cardio, one for lower body, one for upper body and one for abs. Not sure what today's will be, but it's nice that it's all planned out and done for you and you know it's only going to be ten minutes. We're trying to keep up with it and make it a habit. The nice thing is that we can do the video at home so that the weather doesn't change our plans. We're thinking about joining a gym that's near us as well, but we haven't been very successful with that in the past... we'll join and then never go but pay the fees anyway!

I'd love to do some of the FF study guide stuff with you. Maybe it'll get us to move beyond week 3!

[Monarchgrrl]

Originally Posted by knittinanny

Hello everyone! Lots of things to respond to:


Monarch - good luck with your knee surgery! Is it an outpatient surgery, or are they keeping you overnight? Get that midwifery degree started! I'm sure you'd love to take a trip to London in the future to catch some babies, right? DP and I haven't really had a conversation about vaxing yet because I don't feel like either of us have done enough research about it. Can you recommend some good, non-biased stuff for me to read?

I'd love to head over to London to catch some babies!

Thank goodness my surgery is outpatient, if all goes well. I have a true phobia of hospitals and surgery so unless I'm crashing and literally dying or get a staph infection, my doc knows that I'm going home later that day. That's pretty much the only way I agreed to the surgery. I've been in a 15-week phobia and anxiety class in order to go through with the surgery. It's helped a LOT! Before I couldn't even think or talk about having the surgery without crying or throwing up! Now, in one week, I'm actually going to do it! Well...I think. That's the plan. I'll try not to back out at the last minute. I wouldn't put it past me though, I've rescheduled this thing many times in the last year.


I was maybe being a little harsh about saying I wouldn't have kids because of vaxing. I'm PMSing! I want to have kids so bad, but, I'm not sure how I get over or come to grips with this issue. All in due time, I think. I suggest you check out the Vaccine forum on here. It's great!!! There is so much info in there and the people there have much more info than I do. I wrote a research/debate paper in college about vaxes that got published. I can PM that to you if you want. I know that Dr. Sears wrote a book (I forget the name) that lists all of the vaccines vs. the disease and the benefits and issues with each that lots of people recommend, and then he ends up still recommending vaxes, on a delayed schedule, I think. Then there is Inside Vaccines, and also How To Raise a Healthy Child In Spite of your Doctor. I have that book. It's great! Really, I would just start by hanging out in the vaccines forum and you'll see lots of great book recs, even in people's signatures.

HTH

Also, I'm so proud of myself! I've been working out with weights every day for the last week (minus one day for rest)!! It's mainly upper body stuff, because of my knee, but once my recovery is near the end, we're going to buy a couple bicycles and start doing that pretty often! And since my DW will be off work with me for a month, she's going to be cooking healthy meals the whole time! I hope that starts a good habit.