Regrets about last time & how not to offend people... - Page 2

[madiesmommy]

I don't have much to add other than why not offend them? I plan to with my in-laws next time. When DH called them to tell them ds was here, he said for them to come over the next day. Wel MIL called and offered to bring dinner, so we consented to a short dinner visit. They showed up at 2 pm (I had him at 10:35 am) and stayed past dinner. DH didn't have the nerve to tell them to go away... This was very stressful as they rile up my dd, and they simply stress me out when they are around. So, next time I am going to call them to tell them the babe is here and that we do not want a visit until the next day at the earliest, and we will tell them when. I don't care if I offend them!! I learned the hard way what I need is most important after just giving birth.

[AniellasMommy]

As far as offending people, I am in charge of my family, he is in charge of his. My family is used to me being pretty direct about what I want. We call people and say "Hey, the baby is coming we'll let you know when its here." If anyone argues we always say "There is absolutely no reason for you to be here now." This offended DH's sister with DD but I don't really care . Shes over it and now she knows for future reference. I am REALLY private about birth so before they can get offended I take the position of being offended that they would even assume first It is kind of wierd that people seem to think they can invade such a private moment/space. Umm I don't remember people arguing about not being invited to the conception, this is JUST as weird to me. We call people ONLY AFTER everything is cleaned up, stitched up, what have you and we are ready for people. I don't get into the whole "people need to know the very second he/she is in this world." but then again like I said, Im VERY private about birth.

[acp]

Originally Posted by littlemomma

I did that the first time with hb. Now I wonder what I'll do next time. I mean, can you really be too busy twice, once MIL told you and showed you how hurt she was over it?

Ultimately, this is YOUR decision, and your MIL has to understand it. If she's hurt, that's her issue. I wouldn't try the indirect, not-calling approach again - if she asks, I'd simply say that you're only comfortable with a very small number of people in the room, and you're excited for her to meet the new baby after it's born, but that the birth is quite a private event for you. Again, if that offends her, that's her issue. I think that frankly, there are very few women who would want their MIL present at their birth.

To the OP, I think you've gotten lots of great suggestions. I'm so sorry for the way your first birth went - I can't believe how insensitive people were, or that they'd possibly think you wanted all those folks in the room right after giving birth! I agree that you're giving way too much though to how to respect their feelings, when what you really need to be deciding is simply who, exactly, you want there in the room, and then be very direct and clear in telling people what your wishes are.

[claddaghmom]

I told my sister first that I was in labor and told her not to tell anyone. She assisted us by getting some last minute supplies and food (baby came a week early).

Towards the middle of the day, I let my mom know that I was in labor. My parents camped out at our appt complex in their car, but didn't invade our privacy. (They have U/C and were our "support/advice" couple).

By the end of the third day, we got a MW and I wanted my mom with us.

So, DH, MW and mom all witnessed the end of the delivery. Once baby was out, my dad came inside, too. He got to hold her after me and he was the only one who had enough brain cells leftover to take a picture with his cellphone. That's the only photo I have. :

If I had been lying on the couch like that, I would've started up a cussing storm and tried to attack them, lol

[tammyswanson]

WOW..did they serve popcorn and beer at the event too? How'd you fit all those people in? Wow! I was amazed at your story. How did you feel comfortable with all those people watching? Wow! I would have turned into Linda Blair and (head spinning) with a deep demonic voice ordered everyone out.

Me, personally we did a UC HB with our DS. I couldn't even imagine having anyone in the room with me at all, I even told DH to get out, ha ha! We didn't call anyone till 2 days later, and didn't have anyone come down till 2 weeks. My parents (first grandkid) were respectful of our wishes, and didn't push it. Lucky for me my IL's already have a bunch of grandkids, so they didn't show up for a month or so.

I can totally understand you being angry, but being mad won't help reverse the outcome. Hopefully next time your HB will be a lot nicer! No one *has* to be at a birth, except the mother to be...she's sort of required.

[hollytheteacher]

omg that is awful, i'm so sorry! I wouldn't even worry about being tactful as she had no tact in inviting them all over like that!

[ellemnop]

I'm subbing to this, because I had a really hard time with unexpected/wanted visitors after my homebirth.

Take care,
El