Anyone NOT want siblings there for birth?

[callieollie]

I know a lot of people like the idea of being able to have older siblings present during a homebirth, but I'm wondering whether anyone wanted a homebirth but didn't want older siblings present? I wanted my older son present for my dd's birth at a birth center but it ended up having so fast and in the middle of the night that he slept through it all and we were home shortly after he woke up! But after her birth, I thought it was probably a blessing in disguise that ds wasn't there. He is VERY sensitive to noise and to other people's feelings and I was very vocal during pushing - I think it would have scared him. So I was thinking that if I ever had a homebirth, I don't think it would be good for him to be there but if it's at home, it might be hard for him to NOT hear all of the noise. Did anyone have a situation like that where an older sibling would have been better not being able to see or hear what was going on, but because you were at home, it was hard to not have the child there?

[KBinSATX]

This was really worrisome to me because DS is only 2 and very sensitive.
What we did is hire a homeschooled teenager to come once a week and play with him starting about 12 weeks before due date. (he needs a while to warm up to new people).
She was 'on call' for the birth.
It worked out great! Couldn't have wished for better.
During labor he was able to come in and out. When it got mroe intense they went outside to play and then after I and the baby got cleaned up a bit he got to come see her.
No trauma. No real separation. It was perfect for us!

[CarolBe]

We had a homebirth with our last one and plan one with this one. We didn't want our older two children present for the birth, but we had only been living here for about 5 months and didn't really know anyone and dd came so fast not even the midwives made it in time, (dh almost didn't either). Long story short, they were in another room (ds was 4 and dd was 2). Our reasoning though was not only were we worried about them being sensitive to something they saw (couldn't really protect them from what they heard at the time), but that there are parts of me I just don't want my children seeing. To us, birthing is a private thing. This time (due March 2nd), we're hoping to have someone around (if it's not at night) so that they can be distracted and we don't have to worry about them at the time. My mother may come up, but she lives nearly 6 hours away and my labors are getting shorter every time. Also, it's going to be winter and if this one is like the last, it may be too wintery for her to come up.
Anyway, my .02 on the subject.
Carol

[brendaziz]

Definitely depends on the child and time of delivery for me. My almost 5 year old is SO excited about being there when the baby is born and I am excited for him to experience it. But I also will respect his wishes and if he says "I wanna go- i don't wanna watch anymore" he'll be out of there (with an assigned person hanging out with him) but I will NOT wake him up in the middle of the night. not worth it- he can see the baby in the morning. He wouldn't be able to snap out of sleep to appreciate anything :-) Now my 2 year is bouncy adn climby and hyper and a big ball of energy. Super great kid- but I would NOT want him around me when I'm pushing a baby out. Just my preference w/ his personality and age taken into account. So if it's nighttime and he's sleeping no biggie- but if it's daytime I have a sitter lined up on call.
Everyone's different- but this works for us. :-)

[chic2chic]

we're not planning for our children to witness the birth. i'm a very private person and know from experience that i'm most comfortable with as few people around as possible.

(it makes our birth plan more complicated, because we have no family around, but i have lined up child care even for the middle of the night)

of course, i do want my girls there as soon as possible after the baby is born...

[wbg]

My kids were around for our homebirth. They came up at the beginning, but then I asked my dh to set them up downstairs as I could not focus with them in the room. I had arranged a sitter. My daughter popped her head in just minutes before baby arrived. I was pulling on dh and saying something along the lines of "help me please". I sounded quite overwhelmed and scared which we know is a sign that our baby is about to arrive! But my daughter (Aged 6) was a little taken aback. She went downstairs and told her brothers: the babies coming soon, but don't go up there its scary!" I hope I have not put her off childbirth!

In retrospect, I am glad they were not around during my active labour as I need to be very focused and need my partners focus to be on me. However, if I had to do it all again, I would ask the midwife to call them up, just before I pushed out the baby. I think it would be amazing for them to see.

[jmo]

My dd will be 3.5 when this babe is born and we don't plan on having her at the birth. Dh's parents life very close by and have offered to come get her whenever. She loves them so she'll be fine. I have gone back and forth on having her there, but in the end I think it's not the best idea. She is also very sensitive and tends to want me regardless of who else is around. I could have a support person there for her, but I really do not want to deal with a meltdown b/c she wants me instead of dh or support person. I think I will be more able to relax if I know she is elsewhere being taken care of.

[pazerific]

i thought i would want dd1 at dd2's birth. when labor started getting more serious, she started driving me nuts. she wanted to hang on me and kept stripping and trying to get into the birth pool we called one of my bff's to pick her up and take her to my friend's house. i gave birth within 15min of them leaving. i needed to not need to worry about her.

[nutritionistmom]

I wasn't sure about whether ods should be there or not. He was 7 and ultimately made the decision for himself NOT to be there. As it happened I went into labour in the morning and my parents came to get him. If I had laboured overnight I would have just let him sleep and made sure someone was there to attend him in the morning.
I had planned to have my mom be there for him if he had decided wanted to be there, in case he changed his mind.

[zak]

Our 2.5 yo was in the house, but not around me during birth at all. He had two support people. They baked cookies, watched movies and played (all from midnight - when I woke him up with my noise - until he passed out around 4am - shortly before the baby arrived). He came into the bedroom about 2 hours after the birth. It worked out great.

[theretohere]

My Dh and DD1 weren't present- they went outside because I was kind of loudly screaming and scared DD.

[srlpenny]

My older 3 all slept through the birth completely (and I was not even remotely quiet!) dd(4) woke up just as ds(5) was crowning. We had decided well ahead of time that I did not want them present so we had a childcare doula there and she took care of my toddler until we called for her to come and visit and then she held her until DH left the room a little later to help put her back to bed.
I'm very glad I didn't have any of them present, but if/when we have another, I may offer the girls the option of visiting during labor, I think it would do them a world of good to see a natural birth. Lord knows they're unlikely to see it anywhere else.

[leerypolyp]

Originally Posted by jmo

She is also very sensitive and tends to want me regardless of who else is around. I could have a support person there for her, but I really do not want to deal with a meltdown b/c she wants me instead of dh or support person. I think I will be more able to relax if I know she is elsewhere being taken care of.

This is why we're not having our 3yo at the birth -- she'll want me or dh, and I'm going to need him to be with me! She'll go to the neighbors' apartment, so just down the hall.

I'm also concerned that even if we did have a support person for her, she would be disturbed or overwhelmed but wouldn't want to go, then have a meltdown.

[new1267]

I definitely do not want my 4 year old DD and 2 year old DS present at this birth. DS was born at night and DD was sleeping. I could not focus on the birth if I had to be worrying about my other 2 kids.

[StrawberryFields]

I thought it would have been ok for ds to be there and told my MIL she could watch him at our house or take him to her house if he needed to leave. Sooooo glad she took him out of there around lunchtime because I was in a lot of pain at the end and he would have been seriously disturbed by the screaming and freaking out. He was 2. I had no idea it would be so horrid. If he had been here it would have really gotten in the way. I will definitely plan for our kids to be out of here for any future births.

[shelleyd]

I didn't want my dd there for the birth of her sister. I went into labor at night and I felt bad waking her up, but she actually did fine. My parents had to pick her up around 3am. I was very quiet in labor with dd1 but this time I was much louder and so I'm really glad dd wasn't there. She would have been scared. Also, I didn't want to worry about her and I didn't want dh to worry about her. I wanted all of his attention for a few hours!

We planned for dd1 to come back home right after the birth but it ended up being a couple of hours later that my parents brought her back. She was so excited that she didn't fall asleep at their house for a while after they picked her up and so when dd2 was born at 5am, we didn't want my parents to wake up dd1. So she came over around 9am. And that was great too because then we had some nice time alone with dd2 just like we did with dd1 when she was born.

[madiesmommy]

Did not have time to read previous posts...but I did want dd to be there. We prepared her with the book Hello Baby and talked about it alot. The day came. She was in summer camp, and I felt hours away from birthing so we called our babysitter girl to come get her and take her on to camp. Baby was born while she was at camp and I was SOOOOO happy things worked out that well. I was able to stay relaxed and focused and the last 20 mins were so painful, I would not want her to see me that way. I remember being loud and yelling alot, although they tell me I did not. Anyways, I got stitched up and we did all the exams (baby born at 10:35) and by the time we finished these things she was home (1 pm) and was able to hold him and enjoy him.

I understand why people want it both ways. I think with young ones (mine is 4) you can prepare for both ways...and it will likely work out they way it was meant to.

[~*~MamaJava~*~]

Our kids were home but sleeping, which is what I had hoped for! I knew they would want to swim in the birth pool and I don't think I could be a parent and labor at the same time. Ds2 was awake in his bed for quite awhile but Dh just kept going in to check on him and reassure him and he was fine, just listening. He got to hold Ds3 ten minutes after his birth which was just beautiful! We let the other two sleep til morning and find a nice surprise in mom and dad's bed.

[JosieAK]

From the perspective of the child at the birth:

I was 16 when my mother had my little brother. The whole pregnancy I read books and talked with Mom about things. I went to the sonogram (with the rest of my family) and at least one OB/midwife visit, but my mother never did decide for sure if she wanted me in the room for the birth or not.

The hospital was an hour away and, on the big day, our whole family of four climbed into the van at 5 am to drive to the hospital. Mom had been laboring for an hour. Her water broke in the car on the way, and my dad called my grandparents to let them know what was happening. My brother and I sat in the waiting room for about a half an hour while Mom changed into a hospital gown, etc. I went in to check on Mom and everything was happening at once. The labor was proceeding very fast, but everyone was treating her as if she was experiencing only light labor. Because the EFM wasn't hooked up right they thought she wasn't contracting, while the truth was she was having non stop contractions. They were trying to give her an IV in the middle of this, which she refused until she got a break with contractions (which never happened and they scolded her for this later when they gave her a shot of Pit in the leg to release the placenta). At 7, the hospital staff changed shifts and the midwife walked into the room to see how Mom was. I remember her announcing--"We've got a baby! Right here!" At 7:07 Isaac was born. I had been standing at the head of the bed and did not view the birth itself, but I got to see my beautiful little miracle brother immediately after he was born. My dad, my mom, and I all cried together as we greeted him for the first time.

I have to say that this is one of the most imprinting memories of my life. I am so thankful that I witnessed it, but I don't think I would have been ready to see my mother in such extreme pain or the "trauma" of the hospital at a young age. A big part of the reason why I want a homebirth is to avoid the invasion of people and technology that my mother had (and that was probably her easiest birth of the four!). This is not a pro-sibling-at-birth statement, I will probably choose to have my babies in relative privacy and, from what I've seen, little children at a birth can be extremely distracting. But, as a teenage girl, being at my brother's birth was a gift that I will always cherish.

[Effervescence]

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