My birth left me in pieces, I'm broken and I can't fix me - Page 2

[FullMetalMom]

I had a similar experience. It just doesn't seem fair to work so friggin' hard to just end up with a traumatic experience when some women don't do anything and don't care and end up with a normal birth.

[Mountain_Mama]

I am so sorry this happened to you. It does take time to heal, and I hope that someday you will start to shake that feeling of failure.

One thing I wanted to add: My first surgical birth crushed me, but it motivated me to have a drug free VBAC (and I wasn't really the type to go drug free). The gift of my second birth is SO much more poignant because I know what I missed the first time.

[Photochef]

I am so, so sorry for you. I have been where you are, as far as the feelings of crushing, suffocating failure. It sucks. Time is the only thing that has lessened it any.

The best I can do most days is to think: I did the best I could. I NEVER meant for any of this to happen. My partner does care, and she also did the best she could. She didn't know any better. My midwife could not intervene without getting kicked out of the hospital. And the hospital staff need to be $%^%^&$%^&$%, and told to go and reeducate themselves, the ignorant blind uncaring practitioners that they are.

That is the only way I can stop myself from spiraling down down down. I don't believe it, but I tell myself that, and then I force myself to think of something else.

I don't know if you were looking for advice at all, but I know I needed some when I was in the dark depths of Post-Traumatic-Birth disorder.

I send you love and caring and complete acceptance of all of your sadness and pain. I hope it helps some.

I DO know that I am a better mother than I might have been otherwise...I am WAY more ferocious.

[readytobedone]

oh, mama. i am so sorry. i do know what it feels like to think you failed yourself, your baby, and your husband. i felt the same way after my c-section; i was stunned and saddened beyond belief. the year after my DD's birth was one of the darkest of my life...and yet.

you are NOT broken. you WILL heal. maybe part of you will never be the same, but you will grow and change and come to terms with this. like any grieving process (and it IS a grieving process when you feel like this after giving birth), it takes time. but you will come out of this dark place, and when you do, you will know so much more about yourself, who you are meant to be, what matters in your life, and what you need to let go. i don't know what those things will be in your case, but you will learn from this, i promise.



please don't hesitate to get help--therapy has made a world of difference for me. and please remember that it's okay to feel HOWEVER you feel about your son's birth, and it doesn't mean you love him any less, and it doesn't mean you are any less his mother.

[nerdymom]

Originally Posted by MamaCaveBear

I send you love and caring and complete acceptance of all of your sadness and pain. I hope it helps some.

I DO know that I am a better mother than I might have been otherwise...I am WAY more ferocious.

thanks. I have noticed feeling immensely more aggressive without fully understanding why. I have wondered if this is me trying to regain control, or just typical new-mother tigress feelings.