needing to vent...

[Kellie_MO4]

about stupid sheehans syndrome and my babe not being able to get milk straight from me... please excuse the typos in advance...

So, first of all, I am so glad that I can pump and still get mama's milk to my babe... that being said I am just... in such a depressed mood right now... I still don't get why she can't get the milk straight form me.. and now when I try to latch her on (which I've been doign 3-4x/day) she's starting to bite down now, and doesn't even want to try, because the bottles are so much easier since it just comes right out without any rel effort... I feel like such a failure.. I hate being out with her for any prolonged period of time, because then she'll want to eat and I'll have to get the bottle out and it feels like everyone is looking at me, wondering why I'm giving her a bottle when everyone knows that "breast is best", since they don't know that it *is* breast milk, which makes me feel like even MORE of a failure.. especially since I KNOW I'm just projecting my own feelings out there and doign it to myself... adn then seeing other mamas breasfeedign their babes.. it completely warms my heart, but totally breaks it at the same time...

and then there's my mil, who is always saying "so she's on formula now? no? why not?!?", the lady at church smiled when she saw me giving genna a bottle, and then came over and said something about not being able to stand seeing the girls at the mall breastfeeding their babes in public... What I would give to be able to do that

It seems like no one understands how important it is to me that she gets mama milk, and yes, I will continue to pump for the next 2 years if she still wants it and there are no other options... but... I just hate my body right now... thinking about getting a tubal we had been talking about, but I don't know if I'm ready to put a period on the end of my childbearing sentence, yet... but then thinking about possibly going through this again, I don't think I can... I can't talk to Matt about it, he'll be like his mom.. Just put her on formula if you hate pumping that much... It's not about the pumping... but he just doesn't get it...

I'm real good at faking being happy on the outside, but I'm just not really happy on the inside right now

[amyfarr]

I don't really know anything about your condition so I looked it up. I had a fairly severe blood loss after my first and am now very thankful that I did not develop this syndrome. It sounds from what I am reading that you are very lucky to have milk at all but I totally understand why you are feeling the way you are. Are you only pumping and giving the milk in a bottle because your baby won't latch or is there something about the condition that prevents you from actually feeding her at the breast? If it is just that she won't latch have you tried using a supplemental nursing system or lact aid to try to get her to latch? If it is a latch issue can you find an LC that can help you?

I had a doula client who could not get her baby to latch and she pumped for the first 6 months with a Medela hand pump and exclusively fed that baby for the first six months using a hand pump. I told her that pump should be bronzed. Try not to worry about what others think as you are still "breastfeeding" just not in the traditional way. You are still giving your baby the best start and you are doing a great job and should be very proud.

Amy

[alegna]

Also not familiar with your situation, though a quick google shows plenty of reasons you might not make enough milk (and super-kudos to you for pumping you rock!) but I am not understanding why you can't nurse? Especially since it sounds like you're not even supplementing?

Perhaps someone here might have some tips to help you reach your goal of breastfeeding at the breast.

-Angela

[Kellie_MO4]

Yeah, the way it effects my body for some reason is that I won't let down for the babe.. Her latch was fine, great, but she couldn't get any milk from me... then I'd go and pump, and get 3 oz ... She was hospitalized at 2 weeks for 4 days due to dehydration before we figured it out... It has also affected my supply, but not as bad as some.. I always made a TON of milk.. as in with my last babe I BF him and pumped for a freinds adopted babe born 1 day after my babe no problem... I always had a good stach in the freezer for "just in case" or "Mommy needs more than 2 hours out today without babe" ... I mean a TON of milk... and now I'm barely making enough for her.. she *is* getting about 2 oz formula every other day when I'm just a bit low and she's still hungry, but that's down from about 4oz/day... it's just a cosntant pumping every 2.5-3 hours...

And now her latch has begun to suck (no pun intended) and I should see a LC to see what we can do.. Part of me really wants to work on it and get her latch better because I DO want to get her back on the breast... but another thinks that if my body isn't gonna let down for her then why even try... I'm just kind of lost in the fog, wondering around without a clear direction... not fun

[alegna]

I've got to say, I've read a LOT on breastfeeding and never heard of a woman who could let down for a pump but not a baby- of course anything is possible- but you've got one unusual situation there.

I would focus on that.

I have heard that there is a nose spray (prolactin? perhaps?) that you can use to train your body to let down. I've only heard of it used for learning to let down for the pump, but I don't see why it wouldn't work the other way around...

Has your dd's latch been evaluated? That would be my first thought- that she's doing something wrong that prevents milk transfer at the breast- that it's not a let-down issue, it's a mechanical nursing issue.

good luck!

-Angela

[Kellie_MO4]

When we were in the peds unit at 2 wks the LC came in (this hospital is well known for their pro bfing and LC's) and she said the latch is good, no tongue tie, strong suck... but she wasn't getting anything... we did the SNS while there a bit (the HARDEST thing to use! the stupid tube never stayed in line with my nipple, the tape getting in the way, a crying frustrated baby, which turned me into a crying frustrated momma... But what I'm hoping is that maybe once I see a LC again and we can get her new problems resolved, maybe, just MAYBE her suck might be stronger now that she's a bot older, and maybe I'm starting to recover cell/hormone/pituitary wise and it just might work... I mean, it can't hurt, right?

Now if only I can find a great LC with some room and time since I'll have all 5 of the kiddos with me whenever we have a chance to meet...

[ewe+lamb]

of course you not a failure or a fake - you're a momma with a nursing problem which hopefully we can solve - you're doing an amazing job pumping all that milk for her - but the clamping down and refusing the breast really sounds like a case of nipple confusion which you'll be glad to know is easily resolved, I know you're finding the SNS hard work but see if you can get back to it - I think just having your baby at the breast will work wonders, all those hormones passing between you will help you emotionally, try and relax and not focus on your illness but on nursing the baby - easier said than done - I know but it's worth a go! Or you could try the soft cup by medela which is a bottle feeder but with a cup like pour rather than an artificial nipple. Do go to an LC they understand with all the kids about - explain your situation before hand or is there anyone you can even leave two or three of the kids with and only take one or two with you? Phone your local LLL leader and ask if she knows of anyone who wouldn't mind the kids around. You are doing a great job :and really you're not a failure at all.
www.lllusa.org to find a local group for information and support.

[~Mom2thhts~]

I 2nd the SNS. If anything will get you and the babe nursing again it would be that. What kind of tape did you use? I think you are awesome for all that pumping! I hate pumping. With #2 I had to quit BF'ing for 5 weeks for genetic testing. When I started back the only thing that would work was the SNS. I was only pumping once a day. : So I had practically no milk and the SNS was a miracle for us.

I hope it gets better for you.

[alegna]

I have heard that some women have much better luck with the lactaid instead of the sns. Might be worth it to get one to try.



-Angela

[ewe+lamb]

OK - I've been in contact with a friend of mine who's friends with Dr Jack Newman, I have the reply to your question on my other computer (this one doesn't have email access) - could you email me so that I can send the reply from them both to you plus an attachment, it's really good news that because you are able to get some milk expressed all is not lost! In fact the situation; according to him is not permanent so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Getting baby back to nursing correctly at the breast Dr Jack recommends finger feeding so that you can get bb as close to the breast as possible - anyway email me and I'll send on their reply.

You are doing a magnificent job :