Why do people do this?! vent

[mommy2two babes]

I was on my FB and there was a picture of a very pregnant belly.
Underneith are a whole bunch of comment like "breathing ha ha ha you better ask for the drugs" and "If thats all baby you better ask for the drugs now" and such.
Why do people say these things:

[southernmommie]

Insensitive and totally selfish people do.

[kriket]

because they are clueless and they think its funny.

[mommy2two babes]

Just what ever first-time Mom needs to hear to 38 weeks

[peainthepod]

Because they are ignorant and afraid of birth and want to spread their misery to you. Let it roll off your back--you can and will do this!

[dogmom327]

I'm starting to wonder if a lot of formally pregnant women are really emotionally damaged and therefore very defensive about their choices during labor (everyone must need to do what I did because I had no choice and if I can't do it, no one can). Obviously everyone can make decisions for themselves, but the level of animosity involved is kind of scary. Those statements just seem so mean.

[kriket]

: isn't that the truth.
the way people talk you would think the human race would have died out generations ago, and we should all know at least 10 people that died in childbirth. :

[mommy2two babes]

Originally Posted by peainthepod

Because they are ignorant and afraid of birth and want to spread their misery to you. Let it roll off your back--you can and will do this!

Thank-you unfortunatly this isn't me.It is my younger cousin (20) first baby and hoping for a natural birth. The odds are a bit stacked against her.She had to switch from a MW to an A$$hole OB who has made atrocious ( sp?) comments to patients in the past such as if the bleeding doesn't stop we will just have to rip er out ( meaning her uterus) in a horrible hospital I wouldn't take my dog to. All this due to trasportation issues. I had a half decent hosp. birth with my DD and a good HB with my DS. I really don't want her to miss out on the power of a natural birth.

[L&K'smommie]

Yeah, if I were her I would definitely be looking for a way to get to a mw...that doctor sounds awful. Is there any way she could do a homebirth?? Then the mw can come to her.

[mommy2two babes]

I tried to tell her about HB but she said she and her BF would be to nervous. They also live in a small dark basement apt. HB is out for her and I can understand why. Thats why my DD was a hospital birth, we were living somewhere that I didn't feel comfortable giving birth. I am so sad and I am praying all goes well for her and thier baby. Thats why those comments especially irk me, she has enough going againt her without that stupidity.
ETA it was all of the in office appts with the MW she couldn't get to. The closet office is 2 towns away from her. The hopital they have rights at is even furthur.

[Hilarity N. Suze]

Some people think they are funny, some people think that's the only way to do it... Opinions are like farts, everyone has them and they all stink. Maybe leave some comments of your own?

[barefootpoetry]

Because they are tactless idiots who have never given birth, or have never done it naturally.

[mamallama]

I used to think things like that were funny. : Now that I know better, I do better.

Seriously, I am horrified by some of the idiotic things I used to say.

[Sheryl1678]

Originally Posted by dogmom327

I'm starting to wonder if a lot of formally pregnant women are really emotionally damaged and therefore very defensive about their choices during labor (everyone must need to do what I did because I had no choice and if I can't do it, no one can). Obviously everyone can make decisions for themselves, but the level of animosity involved is kind of scary. Those statements just seem so mean.

:

I see this with other parenting choices as well, like vaccinations, cosleeping and babywearing. I think when people make choices that vary from the norm, it makes others question their own decisions and they become defensive and rude.

As far as the dumb comments about labor, I also think the vast, vast majority of people honestly believe that the medical model is the only way to give birth. They simply do not know any better.

[asoulunbound]

I am 21 and just had my daughter induced (pre e) but drug free.
I honestly think we as a society doubt womens abilities to birth. We doubt ourselves, and thus doubt each other. Also, generally speaking, it seems the avg American is quite happy to pop a pill for any and every condition. Yes drugs are necessary to treat some diseases, but last I checked pregnancy wasn't a disease.

As for silly things people say? A co-worker, 19, childless, and in nursing school, told me that if I had a drug free birth she'd "kiss the ground [I] walked on" and that when I was in labor I'd "be begging for drugs." I brought my daughter in to work (I'm on leave) and said "Shouldn't you be kissing the ground I'm walking on?"

[mommy2two babes]

Originally Posted by asoulunbound

As for silly things people say? A co-worker, 19, childless, and in nursing school, told me that if I had a drug free birth she'd "kiss the ground [I] walked on" and that when I was in labor I'd "be begging for drugs." I brought my daughter in to work (I'm on leave) and said "Shouldn't you be kissing the ground I'm walking on?"

I love that.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by Sheryl1678

As far as the dumb comments about labor, I also think the vast, vast majority of people honestly believe that the medical model is the only way to give birth. They simply do not know any better.

:
They really, honestly & truly believe that declining to take pain meds in labor is as silly, pointless, masochistic & crazy as declining drugs for a dental procedure or even surgery. I'm sure we've all heard, "Natural birth makes as much sense as natural dentistry."

That, and people can just be -ing

Originally Posted by asoulunbound

when I was in labor I'd "be begging for drugs."

Yup. I remember DH's co-workers telling him this if he mentioned NCB... and these were people who didn't even know me!

[eewieew]

Ugh, I deal with this now, and I have gotten pretty good at letting it roll off. I'm 27 wks with my 1st and am excited to deliver naturally. My feeling is that modern medicine has only been assisting (intervening and ruining) in childbirth for a relatively short time, and women birthed at home or in the fields as they worked for eons before. My body was designed with this function in mind. I want to experience the primal female act of giving birth...of REALLY giving birth, pain and all.

My stepFATHER (man who has never had children of his own nor has he ever pushed a baby out) INSISTS that I'll NEED the epi because the pain will be unbearable. How on earth does he know? :

Yesterday at Thanksgiving everyone flocked around me to share their horror stories of excruciatingly painful long labors, c-sections, botched epidurals...and everyone gave me these condescending "she has no idea what she's in for" sorts of looks. I actually know full and well what I'm in for. I know it's going to hurt. I know I'm going to lose it sometimes. I've done tons of reading and have been preparing my body since I found out that I was expecting. Learning how to push, what positions are the most productive, breathing and meditation to get me through the pain.

It just irks me that people want to talk you out of it. I just want people to be supportive of what it is that I want to do.

[peainthepod]

Originally Posted by jdubbelewe

Yesterday at Thanksgiving everyone flocked around me to share their horror stories of excruciatingly painful long labors, c-sections, botched epidurals...and everyone gave me these condescending "she has no idea what she's in for" sorts of looks. I actually know full and well what I'm in for. I know it's going to hurt. I know I'm going to lose it sometimes. I've done tons of reading and have been preparing my body since I found out that I was expecting. Learning how to push, what positions are the most productive, breathing and meditation to get me through the pain.

It just irks me that people want to talk you out of it. I just want people to be supportive of what it is that I want to do.

:

Birth scares people. They're mostly pretty ignorant about the subject beyond what the mainstream tells them. The mainstream tells them that birth is dangerous, dirty, excruciating, and cannot be done without hospitalization and constant medical monitoring. Even women who have successfully had an unmedicated vaginal birth often do not believe that their bodies worked as nature intended; instead they say, "Thank GOD we were in the hospital, or something terrible might have happened!"

When you dare to tell people that you feel brave enough and educated enough to have a confident, natural childbirth, it threatens their worldview and also makes them feel insecure in their own choices. So instead of being supportive, they lash out in hopes of making you feel the same fear they're wallowing in.

I agree that this attitude is pervasive not just with birth, but other aspects of non-mainstream parenting. It's relentless, but you just have to grow a thick skin and ignore the ignorant. They told me I'd be screaming for an epidural, that I have a low pain threshold, that a safe homebirth isn't possible.

They were wrong about everything, and I'm proud to say it. They were wrong and I was right, and you're right too. Congratulations and good luck!

[elanorh]

Given her age, I'm going to make some assumptions about her friends --

1. If any of them have given birth, they are likely to have been heavily managed by the hospital staff/OB during said process, and fed a lot of lies (it seems that is more likely with young mothers).

2. They don't know much about birth and rely on media etc. for their information (and we all know how supportive the media is of NCB).

3. They also find the whole birthing process a bit freaky and foreign, so they are joking about it to try to get past that.

....If I were you, I'd post something light-hearted under their comments, that you think your cousin would recognize as supportive of her choices .... Maybe something along the lines of, "I used to worry about that - but two kids later, I know that a woman's body is amazingly capable when the time comes!" Or etc. And keep reassuring and supporting her IRL.

When I had a similar conversation with a friend's friend who was pooh-poohing breastfeeding, we actually ended up discussing it via email ourselves, and I was able to tell her how important the support of my friend who hadn't breastfed was, when I was struggling - that we owe it to our friends/sisters to help them do the best they can and not assume they'll fail.