pregnant man has baby documentary

[gerlassie]

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned but, did anyone see the docu. about the "guy" who had a baby. I'm someone who really doesn't care what anyone does or who they chose to do it with but, I found this one to be a bit odd and it just got more and more unusual as the program went on. I really tried to be open minded but found that what I was watching seemed more like a train wreck...knowing that I should have just turned it off but, couldn't quite press the buttons on the remote. I am not trying to offend anyone but, I'm just curious as to what others think of this.

gerlassie

[Cherie2]

I have seen news clips and tabloid reports and a little bit of the oprah interview.. but i didn't know there was a documentary... i did see he was pregnant again

what channel was it on? do you remember what it was called?

[gerlassie]

It was either the Discovery Network or Dicsovery Health. I just googled it and there are quite a few sites...photos, clips. If you catch it in a re-run please let me know.

gerlassie

[socialworkmamma]

I watched it. It was on the Discovery Health Channel. I suppose my feelings are this, it was not a pregnant man, but a pregnant transgendered female. And that's fine, not a problem IMHO, but please, they are not a "man". They might feel more masculine than feminine, they are able to grow facial hair (as am I due to PCOS), but the individual is a biological female. They chose to become pregnant as their wife had a hysterectomy. I'm not sure of the wife's age, but her adult daughters came to visit the baby. I'm also amazed they are able to be a legal man and married as they have not had the re-assignment surgery past a double masectomy.
The hate mail they received is sad, but at the same time, the couple "outed" themselves by posting a photo and article on the internet.
The baby is adorable and they seem to be very happy.

[gerlassie]

I too am happy that they have a healthy baby...and I want to be clear that I am not judging. I do however worry about their child's future. Will she ever be able to have a normal ( for lack of a better word, I've been up since 4am ) childhood?

gerlassie

[MamaGwynn]

I saw it and thought it was a great documentary. I'm happy for them and am glad to hear they're having a second!

[haleyelianasmom]

I saw him on 20/20 and I must say I was a bit irritated by him. I guess it was just the fact that he was putting himself out there so much, but primarily the fact that he wanted to be officially listed as "father" on the birth certificate. I'm sorry, but if you gave birth to a child, you are, by definition, the birth mother. You can have the kid call you whatever you want, but to go through legal battles to be called the "father" when you are in fact genetically and biologically woman and the woman who birthed the child, then sorry, but no. Am I the only one?

Perhaps I just have an issue with people trying to be something they are not. You are a mother who looks like a man because of clothing, hair, and hormones. End of conversation. Trust me, I'm highly supportive of equal rights for gay couples (marriage, adopting children, etc), but this just didn't sit right with me.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by haleyelianasmom

I saw him on 20/20 and I must say I was a bit irritated by him. I guess it was just the fact that he was putting himself out there so much, but primarily the fact that he wanted to be officially listed as "father" on the birth certificate. I'm sorry, but if you gave birth to a child, you are, by definition, the birth mother. You can have the kid call you whatever you want, but to go through legal battles to be called the "father" when you are in fact genetically and biologically woman and the woman who birthed the child, then sorry, but no. Am I the only one?

Perhaps I just have an issue with people trying to be something they are not. You are a mother who looks like a man because of clothing, hair, and hormones. End of conversation. Trust me, I'm highly supportive of equal rights for gay couples (marriage, adopting children, etc), but this just didn't sit right with me.

No.

He is *legally* a man! So by listing him as "mother" rather than "father"....they are legally saying a MAN is a mother.

That makes just about as much sense as what you are saying (that a father can't give birth so he must be the mother)....

In surrogacy situations, they list the intended bio mom (not the surrogate) as the mother on the BC, even though she didnt give birth at all....i think they explained very well why they wanted "mother" and "father" instead of "parent/parent" listed on the BC, and they are actually lucky they live in a state that even recognizes "parent/parent" because i bet alot/most states dont.

By saying its just "clothes hair hormones" that is making him a man....just because he hasnt attached a surgically altered "penis"? So...its a *penis* that makes a man? So...if a man has an accident and the penis is lost (which sometimes happens, cancer or whatever...)....is he no longer a man?


Katherine

[haleyelianasmom]

Chromosomes. I have an XX, my husband has an XY.
Biology/anatomy. uterus, vagina, breasts, etc. vs. penis, testicles
Hormones. Different levels of estrogen, androgen, testosterone, progesterone, etc.

I don't totally agree with him being able to change his sex legally. I guess it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't go and tattoo/dye my whole body a darker color and then legally call myself "African American" or "Middle Eastern". If you're 40, but only feel like you're 25, you can't legally change you're age. You're 40. That's it. I just don't get why sex should be any different. I know there are those whose sex is a bit more ambiguous, but for the general public, if you have an xx, a uterus, and carry/birth babies, you're a woman. You can dress however you want, have people call you whatever you want, take hormones, cut/grow your hair, get plastic surgery, etc, but at the core you're still the same person. I'm glad he's happy for who he is, I'm glad he's having healthy babies, I just don't agree with him legally wanting to be "male" and "father".


ETA: I hope this didn't sound offensive, it's just something I've thought about and I just don't understand it. I'm open to receiving any information that may change my mind.

[gerlassie]

Haleyelianasmommy, I kind of have to agree with you. The whole situation is pretty weird. If they just quietly "became a family" and made news after the birth I think I would feel differently. But, they seem to be more of a circus than a family. I go through great lengths to protect my children and would never, ever put my family in the media especially with something so unusual. I strongly feel that they are craving this attention and maybe are profiting from it as well. But, at whose expense. Their children are going to pay the ultimate price. How will society treat them. Will they be strong enough to manage other children and parents who may be judgemental? Will they have a good sence of self worth or will they feel like second class citizens? If their privacy had been protected from the start, I feel that they would have a fighting chance. The parents seem very proud of themselves and fortunately they have a healthy baby...and healthy pregnancy but, this shouldn't be about them. I haven't seen any follow up stories and I'm not sure I can watch any more..."he" did kind of wear me out. But Haleyelianasmommy you did give me a new spin on this...if "he" went through so much to ( for appearences sake ) become a man but, endured so much to have a baby how can he call himself the father? My SIL and her partner have 2 adopted Chinese daughters and my SIL is the adoptive parent and is mommy. Her partner is also mommy but she is referred to as "mommy lola" ( not her real name ) but, you get the idea. What's the big deal with having 2 mommy's?

gerlassie

[tanyam926]

I agree with the pp that the real problem with this whole situation is that they are choosing to make a circus out of their lives and that it could potentially negatively affect their children. There are crazies out there who don't just disagree, they get violent and I would never be willing to take that risk for my family.

[Amberoxy]

I totally agree with a person's choice to change from one gender to another. But, this person seemed to want the best of both worlds - he wanted to be male but when they decided to have a baby, he brought his female parts back into play. I mean, a male that is born male just does not have that option so I don't agree that this person can say that he is a male having a baby. He went back to his biological female roots to have a child and had a child as a female as only a female can do. And, I think it is totally great that he had that option still to have a child but to then put himself out in the world like he did something amazing is just kind of weird. I too think that the family should have just done their thing and left the rest of the world out of it.

I would bet that he probably isn't even the first transgender female to male to make this choice, just the first (that I've seen) to court a media circus in the process...

[Kritto]

Originally Posted by gerlassie

I really tried to be open minded but found that what I was watching seemed more like a train wreck...knowing that I should have just turned it off but, couldn't quite press the buttons on the remote. I am not trying to offend anyone but, I'm just curious as to what others think of this.

gerlassie

A trainwreck? Ouch. Sure, they've brought a lot of publicity upon themselves. I see that. I personally wouldn't have taken that approach. But I, like most people, can't fathom having to make the kinds of life decisions he (yes, HE, as he is now legally male) has made in his life.

I just wish he and his family the best.

[ziggy]

Posts like this make me so sad - I'm getting to the point where I wont' open threads on Thomas Beatie. I always think of Mothering as a more progressive site, but on this issue I guess not.

I didn't see the documentary, but my points wouldn't change. Thomas is a man, Thomas' wife was unable to have a child, and because Thomas was able to, he did.

They came out about it, as they have stated numerous times, so they could tackle it before your friendly local neighborhood paparazzi came to them. They didn't accept money for their people article, or their television appearances and not once did they solicit donations.

But even if they had - it seems like there's more support here for the Duggar family, who do accept money for the television show they have, or Jon and Kate + 8 (ditto - lots of money given to them by the station they are on), so I don't think that's the biggest issue.

In regards to having his gender legally changed when he doesn't have a penis... I assume you haven't done much research, but both phalloplasty and metoplasty are very inexact procedures and much less frequently done than the creation of a vagina on trans women. I don't think that anybody but Thomas should be able to tell him what gender he should be, or tell him that he's supposed to conform to YOUR perception of male and female roles.

[starling&diesel]

Hear, hear, Ziggy ... couldn't have said it better.

[purplemoon]

The fact that they were creating their own media blitz is a little strange and I would imagine there would be ways to ensure privacy.

However, I do consider him male because he considers himself male.

[annettemarie]

Please keep in mind that the purpose of the television forum is to discuss things seen on television, not to discuss the MDC members who discuss them. That sort of thing is best addressed via PM.

[leosmommy]

I think they are wonderful parents. The baby was born naturally and is breastfed by the mom (she had kids years ago & relactated). Those are 2 gifts that most babies don't ever get. And you can obviously see they love their baby tremendously.

[amcal]

I don't think anyone is begrudging them having a family.

My issue is the "miracle" they make this out to be. The miracle of a man having a baby when in reality, it's a biological female having a baby.

He can call himself anything he wants. He can go through whatever legal channels he wants but at the end of the day, he can not change his basic biological make up. He is a woman. No matter what he says, no matter how he feels on the inside, no matter what hormones he takes, no matter what legal changes he makes. He is and always will be a biological woman. So really, there is no miracle in his having a baby.

That beings said, I wish them the best. I wish them all the happiness in the world.

[queenjane]

I think its great that he is perhaps drawing attention to options that transgendered men may have. I was irritated when i watched the 20/20 show, and some in the "community" seemed to have ANGER with him for drawing attention to what apparently is kind of a "secret" (males keeping their ovaries/uterus in order to bear a bio child)...trailblazing is never a comfortable thing, people will always accuse you of seeking attention, or being greedy, etc etc. But i bet the next man who comes out as "a pg man" will get less attention, and the one after that, and after that.

They seem like really nice people to me.

I think the man had a point when he said it would eventually get out (the "secret" of him being pg) as he was living as a man fulltime, his neighbors knew him as a man, his job, etc...and he IS a legal male. Given how many people would be involved, from the people at the hospital to those at the birth certificate office....how could it not?

Katherine