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Second Baby Blues? - Page 2

post #21 of 26
Oh wow, that poem is a tear-jerker. Holy moly.

I had very similar feelings during my second pregnancy, and even for the first little while after she was born. I am feeling much more at rest and fully happy this time as I have made a realization. Though children need to share (their mother, their toys, their space), they have the gift of a loving, dynamic family that opens their arms to let them in! Everyone adjusts in time, and it's as though it's always been that way. Totally normal feelings, just try to focus on this baby as a gift for your son!
post #22 of 26
I'm kind of feeling this way too. My 22 month old still very much co-sleeps... it's hard for me to imagine a sleeping arrangement for our family in our tiny bedroom. But we will make it work.

Maybe our kids will just surprise us and not have any issues with it at all! You never know.

I think the main thing I am worried about is the sleeping situation, it is definitely DDs neediest time.
post #23 of 26
Now I'm crying too. That poem really tugs at my heart.

DD will be 3 years 4 months when the new one is born. DD still nurses through the night and co-sleeps, and we are very close. I'm so excited to be pregnant, but knowing that my special relationship with DD will come to an end soon makes me sad. It makes me feel better to know that others are going through the same roller coaster of emotions. I know that DD will be an awesome big sister, but knowing DD will be jealous and mad at me breaks my heart. I love her so much and I cannot imagine loving the next one as much.

When my sister was born, I asked my mother, "wasn't I enough?" How heartbreaking is that? (I was 3.5).
post #24 of 26
I too, have spent much time thinking about this. We talked about it a bit over on the ttc board, in the ttc #2 in our 30s thread. I think something I said there has some relativity here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by learnlovebe View Post
You know, I was thinking about this post earlier today. I wonder....do you think our mothers put this much thought into child spacing, family size, etc?

Do we (this generation of Mommas) just overthink everything?

On one hand, it's good to think about how another child is going to affect (or is it effect? I have a degree in English and I can never remember) our family, our lives, our careers, and the demands on ourselves. We don't just want to jump into things- planning is power, right?

One the other hand, I think this can lead to us worrying about everything and second-guessing our strengths. When were planning/pregnant w/ #1, did we REALLY know what we were getting ourselves into? Everyone told us our lives were "about to change," but how many of us REALLY knew what that meant. Then our beloved first baby arrived and suddenly we're REALLY thrust into motherhood. Some of us had a bit of a learning curve, and some of us thrived from day one...but we all learned, grew, and I don't know about you, but the woman I am today can out-cook, out-laundry, out-multi-task, out-organize, out-problem-solve and out-bargain-shop the woman I was just two short years ago. Not to mention kick her butt.

What I wonder is if this applies to baby # 2 as well. If we concieve in 2 weeks (*hopefully!*), will the mom I am in 2 years be able to kick my butt?

Just some random thoughts I'd share. If you think this is a long post...ha! You should have seen what I had written before! This is the edited version!
And now that it IS happening- my ds is going to be a big brother in July (he'll be 2 years, 1 month)- I find myself looking at him more, just taking in his sweetness, all his features, his energy. I hold him just a bit longer when I put him to bed. I guess you could say I cherish him even more now. Is that weird?

But I guess mostly, I'm excited FOR him. He's always going to be my first child, and there will always be a special place in my heart for him, but now he'll get to be that AND a big brother. His little brother or sister is really lucky to have him...(and now I'm bawling- stupid, crazy hormones!).
post #25 of 26
I was also worried about this when ds2 was on the way. My ds1 is VERY high needs, demanding, intense, perceptive, controlling, etc, etc, etc. He was 2 and 4 mos when his brother was born.

Unlike many kids he did not warm up well to having a brother, and it took him a long time to actually even look at ds2. In the first 6 weeks I had much more trouble with ds1 than I did with my new infant. I felt like I had turned his life upside down and was really guilty.

But you know what? Now they love each other so much. Ds1 tries to keep his 20 month old brother awake all day so he can play with him, rather than letting him nap. He asks where he is first thing in the morning. Ds2 adores his older brother and is just full of energy and excitement whenever ds1 shows the least interest in playing with him. The love and affection they share and the fun they have together is invaluable.

As well, I think high needs, spirited kids need siblings almost more than other kids do. I don't think its a good thing for children to beleive they are the centre of the universe and that everyone should jump when they wimper. They also need to know that not everything in the world is going to fit into their plan all the time. And what better way for them to learn this than by having other people to share their parents with and other people to sometimes crash their perfect plans?

Also, I have found that it is easier / harder to have two kids. Now that ds2 is up and running (really running and climbing and crashing and provoking his brother. . . ), some days are really hard with lots of breaking up fights and keeping everyone clean and dry and fed and feeling like my house is a zoo. But then other days they play really happily and peacefully together, and snuggle together at night, and I get all kinds of cleaning and sewing and cooking done. I find I don't have to take the boys out every day for hours like I did when I just had one, becuase they are not as bored, either.

So take heart. I must go and solve my ds1's terrible clothing dilemma (apparently he can't find his own pants today . . . despite having a drawer full of them).
post #26 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by jilly View Post
.
As well, I think high needs, spirited kids need siblings almost more than other kids do. I don't think its a good thing for children to beleive they are the centre of the universe and that everyone should jump when they wimper. They also need to know that not everything in the world is going to fit into their plan all the time. And what better way for them to learn this than by having other people to share their parents with and other people to sometimes crash their perfect plans?.
I think this is totally true. . and not only for this reason but because a sibling helps to deflect some of the intensity. That seems the case in our house. My dd is high needs, the latest is that she needs company everywhere. . to the bathroom, to put a toy back in her room, to get a book. Company everywhere (she'll be 6 at the end of the month). It can be frustrating as the parent but wonderfully enough she's happy to have her brother be her company and he is more than willing to play the part (for now at least).
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