Believing in santa claus - Page 2

[Willow Tree]

Winter Solstice???

Iam still a little bit confused about how to celebrate the whole December Holiday Situation as a whole~~
My Dh and I were both brought up with Santa and Jesus. In fact I remember at some point thinking they were related??? however, after embarking on this spiritual journey were all sharing, we choose a very different spiritual path then we had grown up with, we feel most connected with Winter Solstice and choose to celebrate that with all of our closest friends (fellow tribies) and their children. We do a huge winter (Vegetarian) feast and decorate the altar each family adds things and all the kids get presents from everyone mostly crafty handmade simple things.and their all from the winter fairy. which is what it is no real hype goes into it just a way to be anymous
SO the problem is the rest of the family celebrates Santa along with the birth of christ and since Solstice falls before Christmas we usually go share the holidays with the Grandma's -who want to share CHRISTmas with her. I do share a connection with Jesus and plan on sharing that with her,but not in this way, I dont want her to think what she sees (X-mas=over consumtion, materialism) is what its about I remember as a child the kid who lived across the street from me who was a complete bully and overall mean kid come out Christmas morning sporting more toys then anyone on the block- and i remember trying to understand why! We do have to remember that is is not the most black and white issue in the world. Part of the whole christmas thing for children is showing off what you "got" to other kids, and i wish we were a big mothering dot commune in real life but unfortunatley we all have to live with the rest of society who doesnt always teach that its all about LOVE and that Givin IS Livin! ( * So I feel to a point I owe it to Lily to put things in perspective!
at this point i feel thankful shes only 2 and I plan on not dealing with it more heavily until next year!!

[Pom]

Hey Sierra - I've tried to PM ou a couple times but your mailbox is full ;-)

[sleepies]

you have to do what you think is best

santa is one of my fondest memories.

i love love love christmas and santa and rudolph....nestor...etc


i love it.


but, it is really something for everyone to decide.

i dont feel there is a right or wrong answer

[pie]

hey sleepies, did you come back or is this an old post?
Anyway, I thought my parents so nice to go through all that trouble to stay up late and put together toys and then give all the credit to some imaginary elves! However, it was, I guess, a lie and I can see being hurt by that. I still plan to do Santa, etc. but when ds asks will give him Santa is real in your heart like parents gave to me. And like someone else said, he will not be used as a threat and will not be given godlike superpowers!

[Ruth]

My almost-4-year old does NOT like Santa, never has. Well, once she did. It was a big 20 foot tall Santa in front of a tall office building waiving at her from across the street. She thought it was so nice.

We tell her the truth, that some people believe that Santa Clause brings gifts to children all over the world. We don't tell her that we grew up poor and sometimes Santa missed our house COMPLETELY!

I had a male employee once who told, "I don't tell my children that some white man is giving them gifts once a year. I am black and I want them to know that I worked HARD all year to buy them special things." I couldn't have said it better.

[pie]

Ruth, that is exactly why I come here. Not that I won't srill do Santa, but I will remember your post for the rest of my life. Thank you for the reality check.

[Holistic Momma]

Ruth, thank you for sharing that. It made me think "why on earth should parents buy a really cool present and give all the credit to Santa Claus?"

I want the credit for the present that will give my daughter the biggest smile. So maybe I'll have Santa bring socks! Heeheehee

So yeah, we'll be doing the whole Santa Clause thing. Shoot, that's why I had a child to begin with! Just so I could do all the neato kiddie stuff.

[peggy]

LOL Holistic Momma. I love those 4 stages of life!

We do Santa for better or worse.

peggy

[boston]

I lost a lot of trust in my parents (didn't have much to begin with) when I found out santa claus wasn't a real person.
So when I demanded to know if Santa was real, my mom told me the truth and then went on about how the spirit of Christmas is giving, and how Santa is a symbol for that, and yada yada yada.
For me it did absolutely no good to hear that. Maybe because up until that moment, Christmas was about GETTING PRESENTS.

That's all. We didn't celebrate Jesus or any of that. We were brought up without any faith. So christmas was just a time of the year when we got presents. I felt like I had been putting all this focus on an imaginary person for no reason. When I found out Christmas was about giving, I was angry. Not only because I didn't get to have the belief in Santa any longer, but also because I suddenly was more aware of how much deeper other families were, and how much I had missed out because our family was unable to talk about what Christmas really meant. My parents instead just focused on the man in the red suit. The whole jesus in the manger thing was a mystery to me. I still dont really have any sense of connection to that story.

My instinct is to tell my daughter the truth when the time comes. That there is no person named santa claus flying around the world in a sled on Christmas eve. I want to talk about giving and being thankful as a tradition, but I dont have any interest in mr. claus. We wont focus on Jesus cos we're not Christian, but we will recognise the time of year as Christmas time and try to make it special some how. It's gonna be different though, since I also don't like christmas trees because of the sacrifice the trees must make to become a decoration in millions of homes. we're gonna just have to reinvent the whole shabang somehow. Good thing she's only 4 months old.

[pie]

If, when she's bigger, she does want a tree, you can either make one that hangs on the wall or buy a potted, living one and then plant it somewhere after Christmas. Or not! i am so not pushing Christmas, it is just a thought.

[rosebudsmom]

In our home we celebrate everything! All fun aspects of many religions, we feel that any celebration is what brings joy to life and we want to respect all religions and all people. So we do the Samta thing because not only is it fun but it helps us to remember not to take life so seriously. We honor the blessings that Buddah, Jesus. Mohamed and Moses ( to just name a few), have taught us to appreciate. Its alot of fun to talk to our dd about how everyone around the world celebrates the season and how we are all linked by a common giving heart. I want my dd to enjoy any and all things during the holidays and throughout the year. We are always honest with her if she asks about Santa or the toothfairy or whatever. She contiues to believe in the magic even after that anyway. I am so glad she does, cause this life is short and any thing that lifts her heart into that kind of playful place is great. I will always do what ever I can to nurture that in her. I wish it could be that easy for us all to just understand the reality then effortlessly be able to enjoy the magic that life has to offer. I love all the stuff everyone does to help create the scene for Santas arrival! You guys are so funny, your kids must have a blast!!!

[Guestmama 9919]

But when does it stop?

Wow, these postings are all so interesting and helpful!

I'm a stepmom of a 7 year-old girl and hoping to have another child along the way before too long. My stepdaughter's dad and mom definitely do the Santa thing and so I have done it too (this will be the third Christmas I've spent with my stepdaughter).

My question is: when and how does it stop? She still seems to believe in Santa and the tooth fairy. I don't remember how my mom handled this when I got older or when. At what age have your kids figured it out and how did they do it and how did you respond?

I find I am HUGELY ambivalent about this Santa thing (and the tooth fairy too). My mom was an athiest, so Christmas wasn't about Jesus for us: it was about a time to love friends and family and to experience the joy of giving to people you know and people you don't know. And to anticipate the coming of a new year.

I don't remember any bad feelings about finding out that there was no Santa. Right until my mom died when I was in my twenties, some of the presents from her would say from "Santa" and some were from "mom." It became a formality that nonetheless was a fun, tender reminder of being a little kid. And I think she did it to be consistent for the young nieces and nephews in the house.

BUT: in my own experience playing Santa now, I have to say that the Santa thing does FEEL to me like lying. And in retrospect, I think the "MAGIC" of Christmas or other mythic occasions for me wasn't mostly because of the magical person or fairy who supposedly brought the gifties, but because there were gifties at all and decorations and special food and family coming together and a time to think about how we connect to the wider world.

I'm really not anti-Santa. It's more that I'm struggling with how inauthentic it feels to ME (not to speak for anyone else because this is clearly a personal experience thing) to sneak around with special Santa wrapping paper and special Santa handwriting and special Santa presents (not to be confused with presents from parents) in order to fabricate a mythology that just isn't true.

Pretend to me is a really different thing because in pretend games all the "players" understand that we're pretending. In this case, the kids don't know the rules of the game.

And if it's the spirit and story of Santa that's delightful (and I agree it is!), then it seems like celebrating it as a spirit and story is closer to the truth than pretending it's the truth. I say this partly because I think I WISH I didn't feel like I was lying.

Honesty is such a tangly and important issue...as a kid (in other ways besides Santa) I was often unsure in my family what the "rules of the game" were and as a result I wound up with more self-doubt and lack of trust than is useful to have. I wonder if pretending about Santa could in any way contribute to kids doubting about the veracity of other things we tell them? I really don't know, just wondering out loud.

Maybe this is something that starts to feel weirder and weirder when a kid gets past say four years old. At that young, kids themselves developmentally aren't all that sure the difference between reality and dreams and pretend, right?

Anyway, I find this conversation really helpful!

[Pumpernickle]

I loved waking up on Christmas morining and sitting by the tree opening presents. I never felt like my parents were lying to me when I asked if Santa was real and they explained to me he wasn't. For those who have said that they lost trust in your parents when they found out he wasn't real, could their had been more behind it, then Santa not being real. Some other issues?

[m&m]

I know I already replied, but I had something more to say...

Children are very smart, they themselves question the Santa myth - why else would they ask so many questions about him like: how does he get into our house? how can he fly around the world? how does he know exactly what i want if i do not tell anyone but mom? Why is he at all the malls? Why does he not seem to age? etc...

Even my almost 3 year old asked those questions last year! We told her the truth - that it is a way of pretending to be the saint that gave presents to the poor anonymously to bring them happiness.

The whole reindeer pulling flying sleigh thing is very hard to believe - as it should be - it is not true.

Yes, that is the "magical" part, but why does it have to be focused on?


Keep the tradition if you want, but trust even your youngest child to be questioning things... and then tell them the TRUTH - don't just say you don't know, or give some silly answer - THAT is when the hurt can happen.

[Ruth]

I agree that probably people get hurt when they find out Santa isn't real when they keep asking their parents and the parents insist he is real.

I try not to lie to my child. Even if I told her the Santa story as if it were fact, if she started doubting the story, I would tell her the truth: that it is just a story.

But I do know parents that keep insisting that Santa is real, even when the kids figure out he isn't real. I think THESE parents have issues. I remember finding the gifts hidden away and thinking, hm, just what I figured. But I never felt betrayed.