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Need to vent. Share some perspective with me if you can. - Page 2

post #21 of 28
Hang in there. Honest, I swear, it gets better -- MUCH BETTER.

I was an accomplished, intelligent, "with-it" woman before I had twins I thought I might need help from my mom for a couple of weeks after they were born and I'd be fine on my own after that. Ha!

I had a terrible pregnancy, extremely high needs babies (who didn't sleep through the night till they were 3 yo), ppd AND ptsd (from their birth).

I remember crying when a friend of mine with 2 yo twins brought me banana bread because I couldn't understand how a mother of twins could ever have time to bake. I thought my life was over.

If I had to do it again (and I admit I never would by choice ), I would take a lot more time for myself, make sleep (for myself) the top priority, and spend more alone time with my husband. At the time, it didn't seem like there were enough hours in the day to do any of those things, but I see now how much better I might have been able to manage if I hadn't gotten completely consumed by my kids.

Mine are 5 yo now, and while there are still days I feel like my brain might run out of my ears if I tilt my head, things are pretty good. I mean, I'm having 15 people for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and I'm actually pretty ready!

A pp really hit it on the head when she said that things get easier when the physical requirements of mothering diminish. And it's wonderful to watch them play together as they get older.

Just keep taking it one day at a time and make time for yourself.
post #22 of 28
Gena, I can totally relate!!! I have 7 month old healthy girls, fabulous nursers (NEVER a challenge there), pretty good sleepers (though they DO still wake up a lot at nite), and my DD1 has done a great job of adjusting to them. I love, I like them, they are adorable, my life feels richer because of them, but there are days (and sometimes too many of them), when I can't catch a break, where I just need one freakin' second for myself, but no one else seems to be on board for that. I have a loving, wonderful husband, but I get grumpy when all it seems like we do is discuss details of the day, who pooped, did DD1 cry going to school, what groceries we need..... I KNOW that DH longs for the days when we used to lay in bed for hours and then go for lunch, workout, see friends, etc. Now we each get one day to go to yoga, and even that is hurried, as one of us needs to be getting DD1 from school. I work as well. My DH and I both work part-time, but that even seems challenging. I can't imagine more at this point, but we are needing to financially. I think that each family has different scenarios, be it more work, more emotional stress from other sources, more kids, more physical challenges,etc, and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't complain b/c we *do* have it relatively easy.
I remember sometime in the first month, when all 3 kids were screaming, I broke down crying b/c I felt like I had created a disaster. I was the one who wanted to get pg again, and DH wasn't really on board. The pregnancy was an "oops", but thankfully, the birth control blip wasn't on my end. But it was hard thinking that my DH wasn't happy. Thankfully we got through that moment, and I see his love for the girls. Not to say that if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't do it differently..... and that hurts.
Time, just time for that coffee drink like you said. That's one of my favorite things to do as well-- a bookstore with a coffee shop. Books!! Time to read, journal, talk to friends, and my latest guilty pleasure, the MDC boards I seriously don't know how so many people find time to post! They are on the board a ton, and also have blogs. Is it sleep??? Maybe I just need to give that up so that I have a second for myself, but I just can't. I'm already TIRED!!!
So, I do think that diet has a lot to do w/it. I spent the last couple of weeks w/too much dairy and too many carbs. I need more "happy food" like salmon and broccoli. I just feel cranky and tired, and I'm trying to find ways to carve space into my life (3 months since my last 2.5 hour date with DH), but that's work too. I have to try to find a care provider that I feel great about (that I can't afford) and then spend some time w/them before they are left alone with them. Even at that, I can't leave all 3 with one person, as DD1 requires one sitter herself Anyways, I do think that even when all things seem to be "good", things can still be so freakin' hard, that it is hard to find joy. I think that's when it's really important to reach out to others to get support. Know that you are not alone! I had to laugh about the solid foods thing. I was looking forward to that "tying them over" a little more when I'm gone, but no, it doesn't, and it's MORE work, and they still nurse the same. AAARRGGHHH!!! I can't believe I just got to write all this. They are sleeping less and less during the day, and so I am so busy (until I run off to work and do physical labor), then run back home, to nurse and feed, and play and ........... you hang in there and I will too!
post #23 of 28
I just read 2+twins post, and I think the sugar thing is BIG!!! I know it makes me crazy too, and I forgot to mention that I feel rage often on the bad days. Thankfully I've done a lot of work to build myself up on a spirit level, otherwise, I seriously could see going mad and hurting someone, which scares me so bad. I know that to deal w/DD1, I have to be oh so patient, and really talk things out w/her. "don't do it b/c I said so" has never worked w/her. There are days I sure wished it did!!!
I'm rambling, but I think maybe after Thanksgiving I'll try to give up sugar. I did it in the past, there is a great book called "Sugar Busters" (I think that's the name), and I had a GREAT time w/o it. But I went back and I know I lean on it now. So, for me, no sugar, good food and yoga are the key to my mental health.
post #24 of 28
I just wanted to echo what nd_deadhead said. It has gotten a lot easier at 3 & even easier as we're nearing 4. There are still times when it's rough, but it is a lot easier. I, too, had times of feeling completely overwhelmed when they were tiny & wondering I we done IVF twice to have babies!

I've also found that what's difficult shifts as they age. It is much less physical as they can do more and more things for themselves. And they will sleep at some point. The tantrums are difficult in a different way.

I have no idea what lies ahead in terms of the teen years. Maybe it will be very hard, or maybe it will be peaceful, but you can't worry yourself too far ahead.

And don't feel embarrassed. We've all had days, weeks, etc, like that.
post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4Marmalade View Post


Almost everyday I think of how hard things are going to get. My twins are just over 5 months and I'm almost dreading the days when they're crawling. And then I think about the day they'll be eating solids. And then I think about the day they'll be walking (in two different directions). And then.....and then....
NOOO!! Don't dread it! That beautiful picture of nd_deadhead's boys are just what all those little steps lead up to! Once they sit up they can sit and entertain themselves for longer periods of time! Once they can crawl, they are entertained for longer! Once they can walk you don't need to carry them everywhere as much (I am looking forward to them getting up the steps themselves without worrying they will fall back!...ahhh to not have to carry 2 humans up stairs!!)! These are WONDERFUL things!! Ok, the solid food thing is more of a chore, I admit, but hey, gate the heck out of your house and lock up those cabinets, and the walking and crawling will be entertaining for you, too! They spend those first 6 or so months just needing you, and then things start to get fun!!

Sorry, I just had to say that. So many people around me say things like, "oh, just wait until they are crawling!" or "just wait until they are walking!", and this is not said in a nice way! Enjoy! I only have 11.5 months of experience with twins, but from my other children, it gets better everyday!!

post #26 of 28
THanks so much for posting!! It is hard, often. My los will be 9 months this weekend. Between teething, falling down from pulling up, nasal congestion and poopy diapers, ds had a rough day today. And so did we.

I think it's especially hard when they are needy & clingy. I've found that rolling around on the ground with them helps. I'm close enough for comfort, but I get to rest just a bit to. I like to lay on my back and throw a soft ball into the air and catch it. I do it over and over -- they watch it giggling. And my back gets a much-needed break.

And...I gave in and started Zoloft. I'm having a hard time admitting to it, but I'm hoping that by being open someone else might know it's helpful. I thought I could pull through this myself. I too had a hard time with the sugar and did my best to cut back on that -- but was still having what feels like anxiety attacks. So I'm on a very low dose (25 mg). It takes the edge off and I feel more confident as a mom. PPD may not be your issue, though, and I totally respect that.

Ditto to all those suggestions to get help. Your babies will live through it, I promise. My los are now completely used to our babysitter and get excited when they see her -- she's with us for a few hours every day so I can shower, work pt and do the grocery shopping/errands. I LOVE it, and it turns out they enjoy playing with someone else, too.
post #27 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by herdingkittens View Post
NOOO!! Don't dread it! That beautiful picture of nd_deadhead's boys are just what all those little steps lead up to! Once they sit up they can sit and entertain themselves for longer periods of time! Once they can crawl, they are entertained for longer! Once they can walk you don't need to carry them everywhere as much (I am looking forward to them getting up the steps themselves without worrying they will fall back!...ahhh to not have to carry 2 humans up stairs!!)! These are WONDERFUL things!! Ok, the solid food thing is more of a chore, I admit, but hey, gate the heck out of your house and lock up those cabinets, and the walking and crawling will be entertaining for you, too! They spend those first 6 or so months just needing you, and then things start to get fun!!

Sorry, I just had to say that. So many people around me say things like, "oh, just wait until they are crawling!" or "just wait until they are walking!", and this is not said in a nice way! Enjoy! I only have 11.5 months of experience with twins, but from my other children, it gets better everyday!!

I guess dread is a pretty dire word. It's not so much dread as apprehension. I am looking forward to those things. I love watching them eye each other and grasp hands. It's just that I can see how it might make things more difficult too. I've been pretty lucky so far in that things haven't been too crazy. I mean we're busy and all but overall I'm not finding it super busy, crazy, hard - kwim? So, when people are surprised about that I keep figuring one day it's going to come back and get me
post #28 of 28
My boys will be 14 in just a few months. In our case it definitely got easier & easier as time passed. For me the first 6 months or so were the absolute hardest, followed by a preschool period at about 3-4 years old. Their transition through puberty has been an interesting thing but not harder than infancy. It has often been emotional & moody but keeping in mind what it's like to be a hormonal teen has really helped me. The rest has just been me struggling with the fact that my babies are becoming young adults & I don't think that's anything different from any other teen parent really. Hang in there - it will get easier & you will look back on it all with a different perspective.
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