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Help! I Just Found Out That My Friend Locks Her Toddlers In Their Rooms At Night And For Naps!!!!!! - Page 8

post #141 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
I'm having a hard time imagining a staircase that can't be gated.

OneStepAhead has lots of gate options:

http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/...217&view=10000

including this one:

http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/...tegoryId=85217

Gated staircases are extremely dangerous. Lot of kids can climb them partway and flip over the gates. Gates were not at all helpful for me past 12 months.
post #142 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deer Hunter View Post
I'd sometimes sleep there though it was not often. I just wanted it just to want it, and my parents gave it to me. It was noting special, just a portable. As I said, i had strange interests, and I still do now. I'm not ashamed of that, as that is part of who I am and part of my Aspergers. To learn more about it, you can look at a small pamphlet at http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc...drome-symptoms I know it sounds strange, but when you understand, it really isn't. Kodus for asking.
I'm not seeing what ASD has to do with deciding to go back to sleeping in a playpen and crib at close to the age of 10...

Are you saying "baby stuff" was/is your Aspie "special interest"?
post #143 of 236
My biggest safety concern is "what if the child falls asleep in front of the doorway and blocks the door from being opened?" A child in a crib can't block the door.

Mostly, what concerns me about this family is the way the mom is completely ignoring the kids at night, not the simple fact of the locked doors.
post #144 of 236
it seems to me that everyone on this thread who locks their child in their room does so in order to be a good parent and meet the needs of your child. you are doing it to protect your children from harm, not unlike outlet covers and baby gates on stairs. for your children, your family, and your house it is safer for your children to have their doors locked.

you do not ignore them when the cry, you are able to hear them, you respond to them, you let them out in the morning when the request to be let out.

The OP's friend *seems* to be locking her children in their room in order to not be a parent at all and meet her own needs while ignoring those of her children. it seems like the difference is undeniable. the OP said her friend does this so she can go to sleep and stay asleep all night and get up when she wants to not when they get up.

the difference is appears to be pretty obvious. i would never consider anything you all have mentioned any kind of abuse. you meet your kids needs, you protect them, you respond to them... seems like standard AP. the OPs friend seems quite the opposite yk?
post #145 of 236
Quote:
The OP's friend *seems* to be locking her children in their room in order to not be a parent at all and meet her own needs while ignoring those of her children. it seems like the difference is undeniable. the OP said her friend does this so she can go to sleep and stay asleep all night and get up when she wants to not when they get up.

the difference is appears to be pretty obvious. i would never consider anything you all have mentioned any kind of abuse. you meet your kids needs, you protect them, you respond to them... seems like standard AP. the OPs friend seems quite the opposite yk?
I agree, there's definitely a difference. But how is locking them in their room like that different from CIO in a crib? Is CIO "abuse"? Or is CIO worse the older they get?
post #146 of 236
i think CIO is abuse. so for me its not different at all
but if you don't think CIO is abuse then what the OPs friend is doing is just peachy.
post #147 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
i think CIO is abuse. so for me its not different at all
but if you don't think CIO is abuse then what the OPs friend is doing is just peachy.
I think CIO is terrible, but I have a hard time going to far as to say that a vast majority of Western parents are child abusers.
post #148 of 236
I think locking them in signals a huge issue and the issue is with the way she parents. She cannot keep them in their rooms without locking them in, which to me signals that the children are not ready for regular beds. The parenting issue is that she isn't recognizing her childs needs. If she expects them to remain in their room then keep them in cribs.

I would never lock Abrielle in her room but I do not co sleep. DO NOT enjoy co sleeping and never did. I mean if Abrielle is ESPECIALLY needy one night or sick, ok, but on a normal basis my bed is MY place and I agree with her with that. Moms are people too and sleep is needed for health. If she doesn't want to co sleep she shouldn't and no one should make her feel bad for that. If people want to co sleep thats ok but I don't think that not co sleeping is bad. Just a personal choice. I also agree children need to learn a little independence (yes even toddlers) autonomy is an important stage of development. I will not sacrifice having an ok nights sleep to be a crabby, short tempered mommy the next day. Which is just what I would be. My suggestion to this woman is to tell her locking her children in their room is dangerous and illegal and maybe she should put them back in cribs.

If she doesn't this is a legal issue. I probably would call CPS.
post #149 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
I think CIO is terrible, but I have a hard time going to far as to say that a vast majority of Western parents are child abusers.
Ditto!

To me abuse is burning your baby with a cigarette, NEVER showing them any love, etc. etc. etc.

Although CIO is really terrible, I don`t think it is abuse!

BTW, you saying that everyone else who doesn`t think CIO is abuse, thinks what this woman does is peachy - WHATEVER! This is not the message Ì have gotten here!

But I will repeat what I said earlier: I do not KNOW the friend of the original poster! I do not know if she said it flippantly or whether she was actually serious! I do not know whether the rest of her interaction with her children is fantastic! I WILL not judge her on hearsay!
post #150 of 236
There are so many people who think they have all the parenting answers in the world, but I have YET to meet a perfect person. HMMMM

Abrielle cries it out sometimes. I'm a DARN good mommy and I could care less what anyone thinks.
post #151 of 236
Quote:
If she expects them to remain in their room then keep them in cribs.
Even when they're three? Four?

ETA:

Quote:
My suggestion to this woman is to tell her locking her children in their room is dangerous and illegal and maybe she should put them back in cribs.

If she doesn't this is a legal issue. I probably would call CPS.
Considering the fact that lots of babies learn how to escape from cribs before turning 2, would you recommend calling CPS on a friend who ordered an adult crib for their toddler/preschooler from an "alternative lifestyle" site?
post #152 of 236
or a kid like DS who was in a toddler bed for over 6 months before he started wandering around?
post #153 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
I think CIO is terrible, but I have a hard time going to far as to say that a vast majority of Western parents are child abusers.
i have no doubt in my mind that most people who CIO think it is the best thing for their children. so if it is abuse it is certainly not malicious or intentional.

i don't think the vast majority of western parents CIO. this is obviously anecdotal but my mom's family is Sicilian, my best friend's dad's family is greek, his mom's family is portuguese (I am second generation and he is first... most of out families are still in Sicilia, Greece, and Portugal) and i am with his family enough that my greek and portuguese are passable. what? we are really good friends lol... the first greek word i learned is a sexual one.. thank you friends father. anyways CIO is a totally foreign idea in both of our families... especially the ones who don't live here. its a different culture... not so focused on Independence... its more interdependence... families support each other, live close together, help with each others children...

like i said ... could just be me... my dads family is totally different.. its like culture shock we almost never see them.... but from my admittedly limited experience it is more of an american thing than a western one.
post #154 of 236
Quote:
like i said ... could just be me... my dads family is totally different.. its like culture shock we almost never see them.... but from my admittedly limited experience it is more of an american thing than a western one.
You might be right. Still, I don't think most American parents are child abusers. There isn't really a word for those things which are worse than "not the best" but not really "abuse", either.
post #155 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
quote removed by moderator
Ok, maybe I need to explain what I mean by CIO... I guess I am not really letting her CIO. My daughter never gets much passed a little louder than a whine. More than 3-5 minutes of whining/crying I go in a rock her... Sometimes though, at the end of the day, she just DOESN'T want to sleep and its 9:30 and I KNOW as her mom SHE NEEDS to sleep and a little whining or crying won't hurt her... She is very secure and as soon as I here a MOMMY or MAMA I am in there. I guess I should have clarified that. I could have never heard my daughter SCREAM. It's like nails on a chalk board
post #156 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
Even when they're three? Four?

ETA:



Considering the fact that lots of babies learn how to escape from cribs before turning 2, would you recommend calling CPS on a friend who ordered an adult crib for their toddler/preschooler from an "alternative lifestyle" site?
I wouldn't lock my kid in a bedroom. It's a fire safety issue and it's mean. and at 3 YES a crib is still ok. At 4 there should be some comprehension when mom says STAY IN BED. Part of parenting is being consistant and unfortunatly if you don't want to co sleep then you need to keep putting them in bed. Most of my friends have had about a week of hell and then they get that they have to stay in bed.

I am not familiar with adult cribs.. I cannot give an opinion on them yet.
post #157 of 236
Quote:
I wouldn't lock my kid in a bedroom. It's a fire safety issue and it's mean.
How is locking them in their room meaner or more of a fire safety issue than locking them in a crib?
post #158 of 236
oh for cripes sake naturalmindedmama thats not CIO.... not anywhere close. lol lordy

and mamakay - ignoring the cries of a baby intentionally and repeatedly until you destroy their trust in you and in turn the world.. since you are pretty much their world, is abuse. they may cry for hunger, warmth, diaper change, ear ache, teething...or simply just crying b/c they need to be held and comforted to fee safe and go to sleep.... but if you CIO you simply don't know. and ignoring those needs is abuse. ex- FIL put ds to bed while i was in the bathroom. i came out and ds was crying. i went to go to him and FIL said i just put him there a few minutes ago he is fed and changed he just needs to CIO and go to sleep. i went up anyway ignoring FIL and DS was SOAKING wet. i have no idea why.. i think his diaper leaked. anyways if i had listened to FIL ds would have wet and cold and crying till he slept.. and i would have never known and thought he was fine.

abuse is abuse just because it isn't as bad doesn't make it any better. insulting your kid instead of hitting him doesn't make insulting better just b/c hitting is worse. if all of america beat their kids it wouldnt make it any less bad just because most of america couldn't possibly be child abusers
post #159 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
How is locking them in their room meaner or more of a fire safety issue than locking them in a crib?
it would remove the possibility of them falling asleep in front of the door and then having you not be able to get in. past that i have no idea.
post #160 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
How is locking them in their room meaner or more of a fire safety issue than locking them in a crib?
What do you mean locking them in a crib? In a fire a door having to be knocked down takes longer than going into the room and grabbing the child from the open crib. If a child is in acrib and there is a fire they are also much easier to find than a child who can run and hide. My daughter LOVES her crib. LOVES it. She understands that is her place to sleep. If I shut a door though, she flips. especially if she is alone in the room. She panics and cries. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HER DO THAT IN HER CRIB. Where is the correlation?

So should we just let our children run free all the time? Take all the doors off the house so they can do whatever they want and run wherever they want. Where does that stop? Why parent at all?
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