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Help! I Just Found Out That My Friend Locks Her Toddlers In Their Rooms At Night And For Naps!!!!!! - Page 11

post #201 of 236
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
Yeah, I knew some kids who got sent to one around here after being caught smoking cigarettes and other fairly "not totally out of control" stuff like that, and they're all either addicted to meth or dead from heroin now.

Those places were marketed so well as the be-all-end-all answer, too. Like, if you love your kid, you'll send them here and trust us.


Wow! How horrific! I did not even know these places existed. I also did not even know that teens were padlocked in their rooms! OMG OMG OMG! WTH! People really ARE nuts! I think a check up from the neck is an order.
post #202 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Transitions View Post
You know, I promise, I am not in a bad mood(though cat clawing me to death while i t y pe doesnt help), but it really gets my goat how people throw the word abuse around like a piece of yesterdays bread.

Parents have hard enough jobs without worrying about being judged "abusive" at every twist and turn by the public eye. Having a bad day, going shopping with your 4 kids and scream at them, maybe this is the third time you have ever screamed in 8 years but someone sees you and deems you the A word(not ass) before you can say martha stewart...

It makes me so frustrated. I know the REAL abuse that exists, and there isnt even a fine line.
post #203 of 236
Whew - I am late to this thread - but I read most of it...

Well, I had an immediate bad reaction to the OP because my DH was locked in his room by his mom until a very late age, like 7 or 8 years old, and would scream to get out to pee, but Mom would ignore him. He ended up having to pee in the heating vent because she wouldn't let him out. Yeah, he's not a big fan of his Mom.

My earliest memory is having a nightmare and crying and crying but no one ever came to comfort me. That stuff stays with you I guess.

After reading this though, I can totally understand that there's a big difference between that (CIO, basically) and the act of locking your kid in a room for safety reasons. My LO is still in a cosleeper, though she'll soon move to a crib; for safety reasons. At some point after that, she'll move to her own room. And then when she gets big enough to climb out of the crib, to a bed. If at that point she starts going on middle-of-the-night adventures, I could totally see locking the room she's in, but NEVER ignoring her. Luckily, her future room has both a door to the hallway as well as a door directly into our room, so we could probably just lock the one to the hallway and she could come bug us directly
post #204 of 236
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dollyanna View Post
Whew - I am late to this thread - but I read most of it...

Well, I had an immediate bad reaction to the OP because my DH was locked in his room by his mom until a very late age, like 7 or 8 years old, and would scream to get out to pee, but Mom would ignore him. He ended up having to pee in the heating vent because she wouldn't let him out. Yeah, he's not a big fan of his Mom.

My earliest memory is having a nightmare and crying and crying but no one ever came to comfort me. That stuff stays with you I guess.

After reading this though, I can totally understand that there's a big difference between that (CIO, basically) and the act of locking your kid in a room for safety reasons. My LO is still in a cosleeper, though she'll soon move to a crib; for safety reasons. At some point after that, she'll move to her own room. And then when she gets big enough to climb out of the crib, to a bed. If at that point she starts going on middle-of-the-night adventures, I could totally see locking the room she's in, but NEVER ignoring her. Luckily, her future room has both a door to the hallway as well as a door directly into our room, so we could probably just lock the one to the hallway and she could come bug us directly


Here goes and I'm going to be blunt. Your DH mom is nuts. I mean, who DOES that to their kids? So sad and horrifying. I swear, there should be licenses to have children because some parents should not have them.
post #205 of 236
You know, this post reminds me of something....
I totally remember wishing that I could put those doors up on my son's room that I've seen in church nurseries and things. they are kinda like a barn door...the bottom can stay closed while the top stays open. Wouldn't that be a nice compromise? I never investigated it though, but I bet they're terribly expensive.
post #206 of 236
Wow. I don't even know what to say!
post #207 of 236

Locked in rooms

Oh my heart goes out to those poor children. They are going to have some serious issues when they grow up. Not to mention, my first instinct, was fire or other emergency. These poor children.

Is this woman a good friend of yours? I would consider calling in CP also. This is a tough situation, but my goodness, think of the children!
post #208 of 236
Sure you handled that right. Who would want someone as a friend who did that? Maybe, you could convince her not to because of the dangers of fire, etc. Also, does she have bedpans? I would imagine that her children would interpret that as neglect; nothing is worse for a child's development than neglect, it's even worse than abuse. I doubt that you can change her because she sounds set in her ways. My question is whether or not you should call CPS.
post #209 of 236
umm deer hunter If some crazy psych ward is tying people down so they don't wander around they need to be reported. seriously. thats wrong on so many levels and there are numerous places to report
post #210 of 236
Thread Starter 
I did report the people that were abusive, but I did not know that the tying up was illegal, as they made it seem that it was supposed to be done. i always felt it to be sickening inhumane and knew i'd never do it, hence the reason for blogging about it to bring awareness that it was horrific. They'd tie these people to their beds at night. How horrible! Gosh! Certain people just do not need to work with such volunerable people.
post #211 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jemmind View Post
You know, this post reminds me of something....
I totally remember wishing that I could put those doors up on my son's room that I've seen in church nurseries and things. they are kinda like a barn door...the bottom can stay closed while the top stays open. Wouldn't that be a nice compromise? I never investigated it though, but I bet they're terribly expensive.
actually dutch doors aren't that expensive...
post #212 of 236
I'm kind of shocked by the extreme opinions expressed in this thread.

First off, I just don't understand how someone could think locking a child in a crib/cage is better than locking them in their room?!? The logic defies me.

Secondly, it is safer (as PP's have already stated) in the event of a fire to have the bedroom doors closed.
It also helps some children sleep better if the household sounds and lights are blocked out of their room
And sometimes it's about choosing your battles - telling them to go back to bed 20x and having them making a huge fuss and not getting the chance to settle down, or have them discover that the door is closed, head back to bed on their own and go to sleep.

Obviously there's a difference between locking a door for their own safety vs. locking them in a room, ANY room, so you can go off and do your own thing and ignore their crying.
No different than leaving them strapped in their highchair or in a playpen or in their carseat.


Besides, there's a huge difference between parenting and taking care of mentally ill patients.
post #213 of 236
I've read everything....and my two cents is that I don't agree with the OP's friend's statements and her reasoning. It would be a friendship breaker for me...that goes beyond my comfort zone in parenting differences.

I can understand safety concerns in certain situations, such as the ones brought out by ones in this thread and they make sense.
post #214 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jemmind View Post
You know, this post reminds me of something....
I totally remember wishing that I could put those doors up on my son's room that I've seen in church nurseries and things. they are kinda like a barn door...the bottom can stay closed while the top stays open. Wouldn't that be a nice compromise? I never investigated it though, but I bet they're terribly expensive.
that is a FANTASTIC IDEA! omg i can't believe i never thought of it! i mean really you saw a door in half, add a little hinge thing (no reason for it to be anything more than to keep it closed if you need a full door) and then paint the raw edges and voila...a baby gate my kids cant storm down! my kids storm gates easy. dd learned it at 18 months while ds didn't learn till dd taught him.

i do lock my kids in their room. usually i wait until they are asleep at night but in the mornings they WILL get up VERY VERY quietly and sneak around....not only do they just make safe messes but they will go outside (fenced but still), they can get into knives, the fridge, the garage etc. plus its really hard for a child (who when they get an inch will take a mile) to enforce a rule when i am not awake to enforce it! i really don't like it but i didn't know what else to do.

thanks for the idea on the door. i am SERIOUSLY considering it.
post #215 of 236
why not just use baby gates?! the only reason i used to shut my son's door was b/c he was downstairs and we were upstairs and i didn't want the cats going in there. i used a baby monitor and it was a french door so i could hear and see through it. lock him in? no way. we're in a different house now and he's almost 3 so we don't use a gate much anymore (sometimes he asks me to put it up) or shut his door at all...unless he shuts it, which he has been known to do. he generally naps in our bed and falls asleep there (he gets moved to his bed later but he knows ahead of time that is going to happen) as well so we just childproof and let him choose what is best for him.
post #216 of 236
never mind. already said.
post #217 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little grey mare View Post
First off, I just don't understand how someone could think locking a child in a crib/cage is better than locking them in their room?!? The logic defies me.
i would say b/c you can see through crib bars and an open door into other parts of the house (where there might be lights on or light streaming in from windows.) i wouldn't feel so alone if i were in a crib with an open door rather than locked in a dark room alone. that's why i always liked my son's french door. so much light could get in and sounds from the rest of the house. i only shut it when i went to bed or had a shower or something though (to keep animals out.)
post #218 of 236
There is a BIG diffrence between locking your LO in a room and letting them CIO than shutting your LOs door to their room and making sure they can get up and hurt themselves.

My mom locked me in my room when i was about 6. My baby sister was about a year and very very colicy...anyways i slept in my mom's bed in the middle of the night. I guess my mom decided that she didn't want me to do that anymore, so instead of trying to transition me before my sister came, she decided to do it after.....it was absolutely horrific and extremely traumatizing for me. I had horrible anxiety issues and locking me in a room all night while i was creaming that i was going to dye from a fire did not help me one bit......it lasted about a week, and i still remember that situation like it was yesterday.

But, i do shut the door to dds room....granted we have a monitor, and i constantly check on her, but if we leave the door open she will wake up when we go to use the restroom, or the cats will jump in her bed. When we transition her to a big girl bed, i will probably put a lock on her door, or put up a baby gate in the halway.....i mean how do you keep your kids from getting into everything in the middle of the night if their doors are open?
post #219 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jemmind View Post
My son is almost 2.5 and never tried to climb the gate, guess I am a lucky one!!
mine still won't b/c i have told him climbing it is unsafe (we don't really use it now though.) we are among the few lucky moms, from what i've heard.
post #220 of 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post
....i mean how do you keep your kids from getting into everything in the middle of the night if their doors are open?
Cosleeping, or attending to them when they wake in the night.

(Just answering the question, I have no problem with closed doors if the child is not afraid, only locked doors).
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