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Younger Mommas Thread? - Page 17

post #321 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
If you're talking about having your first child at 23, I wouldn't have considered you a young mom, myself. Twenty three seems like a pretty normal age to be starting a family.
Not where I live. I'm the youngest mother I know of at 23. All of the first time moms in our play groups are over the age of 30. Most are 35-40.
post #322 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
Not where I live. I'm the youngest mother I know of at 23. All of the first time moms in our play groups are over the age of 30. Most are 35-40.
Wow.

My friends who are in their thirties usually have teenage children. I have two friends who started their families when they were 35/40, but they're the exception.

I had my fourth at 23.
post #323 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
Not where I live. I'm the youngest mother I know of at 23. All of the first time moms in our play groups are over the age of 30. Most are 35-40.
I'm 23 and i have a 17 month old. I'm usually one of the youngest when i take him to play groups or things like that.
post #324 of 358
Oh Thank God!

I didn't think I'd anything like this here!

I'm 18, with a six month old DD who I adore. She changed my life in so many ways and I thank her everyday for that, she is amazing.

I get the "young mom" stigma a lot even though I've worked hard to defy it. It's irritating but you keep your head up and remind yourself of what they don't know.

I've tried to encourage my pregnant or young-baby friends to consider AP and it's different fascets but usually I get turned down ... it makes me sad ... but so many young women my age that I see are formula feeding/ crib sharing/ CIO'ing/ listening to what mainstream society is telling them. But I try to pass on my AP books and BF'ing literature and all of that.

Anyways I'm going to go read the other posts now! So glad to find a thread like this!
post #325 of 358
I'm 22. I'm pregnant with #5. I had my first at 16. I can't imagine it any other way.
post #326 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by nj's_mom View Post
Oh Thank God!

I didn't think I'd anything like this here!

I'm 18, with a six month old DD who I adore. She changed my life in so many ways and I thank her everyday for that, she is amazing.

I get the "young mom" stigma a lot even though I've worked hard to defy it. It's irritating but you keep your head up and remind yourself of what they don't know.

I've tried to encourage my pregnant or young-baby friends to consider AP and it's different fascets but usually I get turned down ... it makes me sad ... but so many young women my age that I see are formula feeding/ crib sharing/ CIO'ing/ listening to what mainstream society is telling them. But I try to pass on my AP books and BF'ing literature and all of that.

Anyways I'm going to go read the other posts now! So glad to find a thread like this!
As far as the "young mom" stigma, it gets better. When I had my first at 20, I was shocked and dismayed at the negative attitude I seemed to get everywhere. It really, really bothered me. I remember going to the drugstore with ds1 in the stroller. I was searching the baby aisle for teething tablets, and I noticed an older clerk standing there staring at me. After a moment she asked in a very hostile tone, "Can I help you find something?" Um, no thanks? She followed me around the store, never taking her eyes off me. I got disgusted, put everything back, and stormed out of the store. Now that I'm a little older, I really don't get the negative attitude anymore, thank God.

The other part of your post - I think it can be harder for younger mamas to break free of "mainstream" parenting. At least when I was a brand-new mom, I was very eager to do everything the "right" way ("right" according to mainstream ideas) because I very much did not want to seem like a stereotypical irresponsible young mom. I felt like I was being judged very harshly. As I realized that the "right" way was in fact wrong, I gathered the courage and self-confidence to go my own way regardless of what people thought. I make my parenting decisions (like not vaxing and delaying solids) based on careful thought and research, not out of youthful ignorance, and I can spout out statistics and information on a moment's notice to defend those decisions and shut people up.
post #327 of 358

I am with you

I am 24 and have a 1 year old, there are very few young moms around where I live, the San Francisco bay are. People assume that I am unmarried and got knocked up on accident. In fact I was married 2 years before we got pregnant. Sometimes people don't really realize how old I am and then give me really surprised looks when it comes up. "No I don't know that movie I wasn't born yet."

I can find mom friends my age around but most of them parent very traditionally and I find it hard to talk to them about parenting things. My pre baby friends are pretty much no where to be found and if I do see them we have very little to talk about as our lives are so different now.

The friends that parent similarly to me and my spouse are much older, at least 10 years some are 15 years but with many of them I have a fairly good relationship and we laugh about how different in age we are. But I do feel like some of them are less interested in becoming good friends with me because of my age.

I have very few friends and really no close friends and am finding it really hard feeling stuck between the early 20s crowed, going to parties all night long and the middle age mamas who have way more life experience than I do. I keep going to different groups hoping to find some people that I can really connect with and make close friends with.

Its crazy how normal it is in some parts of the country to have kids in your early 20s and other places your in the vast minority.
post #328 of 358
Bumbold, I share your plight.

I love going to play groups, but it's for Evelynn, not for me. She finds plenty of friends, I just find people 10-15 years older than me who really aren't interested in what I have to say/contribute. I know that sounds really negative but it's true. To them I am "just a baby." Yes, they say this. Not in a mean way, but still!

My SIL is also 10 years older than me, and all my cousins who have children are much older than me. I know of one person my age with a baby, but she still parties every night.

I feel like I don't have any peers. It's very lonely.

But... don't stop looking for friends! I met a seminary student who is my age through the church. She's engaged, doesn't have children yet, but she loves to be around the baby. We have lunch and hang out, she's really cool!
post #329 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
She finds plenty of friends, I just find people 10-15 years older than me who really aren't interested in what I have to say/contribute. I know that sounds really negative but it's true. To them I am "just a baby."
Yeah, it's like that in a lot of groups of adults, not just play groups. It's annoying. Usually people think I'm a lot older than I am, so I don't often get directly hit with the ageism. The worst instance was when I was a freshman in college and trying to connect with a writing group. One woman (I'd say 40s-ish) was disgustingly condescending and ageist and I called her on it. She actually left 'cause I hurt her widdle fewwings.

Needless to say, I usually stick to myself. ^^; I don't know how I'm going to get my little one socialized. I have a friend whose son will be a year and a half old when my baby is born, but that's it.
post #330 of 358
Hey ladies! Not sure if I've posted somewhere on this thread before but I definitely belong... I am 21 with an 18 month old DS. I am going to go read through this thread but based on what is written just in the few posts above me I'm sure you can all commiserate on the young mom stigma.) In particular one playgroup I attend one other mom in particular will comment about my age/weight (I also am a skinny mom with a chunk of a baby and that apparently warrants daily comments everywhere we go) at EVERY meet-up and I am really getting sick of it. The last get-together...a Mom's night out that she specifically asked if I was going to go to and I was really excited about, the very first thing she said is that I looked like I was 12. "Maybe 15." And later in the night she asked if my child was planned. What a completely inappropriate question to ask someone. I said Yes he was a surprise but we were married for a year before that and he isn't any less loved because we didn't plan for him. It wouldn't be so bad if this was an isolated incident but I'm talking 10-20 meetings over the course of a year and this chick can't get off of my age or weight. Frankly, she has a lot of other issues why I know she doesn't like me for completely personal reasons (HERS not mine) that I won't discuss here out of respect.

I also live in an area where it is the norm to have your first child at around mid 30's to 40 and if you are younger than that it is immediately assumed that it was unplanned, you're irresponsible, you're undeducated, and also less of a woman because you didn't achieve a career first and then have kids. It's really upsetting sometimes because I feel as moms we should be supporting eachother- what is the point of that friction? Thankfully there are a few other moms of various ages I rely on for support so i don't feel alone and I can just ignore the negative people.
post #331 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by dantesmama View Post
I'm 23; DS1 was born when I was 20 and I had DS2 just after I turned 22. I have to admit, I'm feeling less and less like a young mama these days!
I'm definitely starting to feel less like a young oarebt, too, at 22. I'm still the youngest at any of my groups still, and I occasionally get comments about my age. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I hear ya.
post #332 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenekitten View Post
Yeah, it's like that in a lot of groups of adults, not just play groups. It's annoying. Usually people think I'm a lot older than I am, so I don't often get directly hit with the ageism. The worst instance was when I was a freshman in college and trying to connect with a writing group. One woman (I'd say 40s-ish) was disgustingly condescending and ageist and I called her on it. She actually left 'cause I hurt her widdle fewwings.

Needless to say, I usually stick to myself. ^^; I don't know how I'm going to get my little one socialized. I have a friend whose son will be a year and a half old when my baby is born, but that's it.
I would say you should go to play groups even though the moms can be total b**** because babies need baby friends, you know? I'm a total hypocrite saying that, because I rarely go to them even though I know I should. It's hard when you know it's going to be awkward. *sigh*

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2cash View Post
The last get-together...a Mom's night out that she specifically asked if I was going to go to and I was really excited about, the very first thing she said is that I looked like I was 12. "Maybe 15." And later in the night she asked if my child was planned. What a completely inappropriate question to ask someone.

I also live in an area where it is the norm to have your first child at around mid 30's to 40 and if you are younger than that it is immediately assumed that it was unplanned, you're irresponsible, you're undeducated, and also less of a woman because you didn't achieve a career first and then have kids. It's really upsetting sometimes because I feel as moms we should be supporting eachother- what is the point of that friction? Thankfully there are a few other moms of various ages I rely on for support so i don't feel alone and I can just ignore the negative people.
I know!! Most people think I'm 18, tops. I just say, "Look, you don't know how old I am. Don't speculate." People also assume all those negative things. When I was pregnant I actually had a woman come up to me, look at me sympathetically and say "Oh, you poor baby!" Let's just say that I am not proud of the way I responded to that one.

Also YES- I am intelligent. I am skilled in more areas than most people. I choose to stay at home with my baby.
post #333 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
I would say you should go to play groups even though the moms can be total b**** because babies need baby friends, you know? I'm a total hypocrite saying that, because I rarely go to them even though I know I should. It's hard when you know it's going to be awkward. *sigh*
*pats* I know what you mean. Hopefully I'll find a group that isn't so bad. *keeps fingers crossed*

My next ultrasound is on Monday. :
post #334 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenekitten View Post
*pats* I know what you mean. Hopefully I'll find a group that isn't so bad. *keeps fingers crossed*

My next ultrasound is on Monday. :
Thanks. I'm trying to set up a play group at my church but I so rarely find the motivation to do so. We'll see.

Good luck at your ultrasound! My favorite name from your list was Catherine Emery.
post #335 of 358
Hi girls, can I join? I'm 23 and had my ds when I was 22, he's 11 months now. 22 is considered quite young here to have a baby, and I feel like I'm not taken seriously by health professionals alot of the time because of it. When I took ds to his first check up the nurse leaned forward to me and asked me in the most sympathetic tone 'how old are you?'.
Everyone assumes he was an accident and when I announced I was pregnant you'd swear it was a tragedy the way everyone reacted.
post #336 of 358
Welcome Susawatari!

Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
I would say you should go to play groups even though the moms can be total b**** because babies need baby friends, you know? I'm a total hypocrite saying that, because I rarely go to them even though I know I should. It's hard when you know it's going to be awkward. *sigh*
I really *don't* think babies need baby friends. To be honest, I'm really skeptical about how much my two year old needs peer interaction. If playgroups suck for you, don't go. It's really for the mama at this point. That said, I *do* go to playgroups even though, at least so far, I haven't made many friends, because I just need peer interaction.

I do think that having kids in your twenties is normal. I think a lot of the reason many of us in our early twenties feel young has more to do with us being crunchy - breastfeeding, homebirth, etc... tend to be practices more common among older mamas.

Change of topic: For those of you who TTC, did it take any of you a while? I sort of had this misconception that because I was younger, I could just think about being pregnant and then ta-da, I would be. After trying for a bit, I can tell you that that has not been my experience. Like I know I'm young, but I have this fantasy that if I get done with having kids young, even if I homeschool my kids I'll still be able to have a period of my life where I can have a career and what not. But TTC has been SLOW, so I worry that either I'll have to live with just having two kids if I do that or never having a career.
post #337 of 358
I haven't been on this thread at all, but I will say hi real quick. I'm 22 and half a 5 and half month old daughter and a step daughter who would be nearly 4 years. And yes, I definitely feel young. My cousins had children in their late 20s early 30s and I probably know more about child birth and parenting than they do, simply because I choose to educate myself. Of course they think I'm crazy.

Anyhow, PP asked about TTC. We tried for three months before we got pregnant. We started trying in October and go pregnant in January. Although we had unprotected sex twice over the summer and nothing happened then. HTH
post #338 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
Bumbold, I share your plight.

I love going to play groups, but it's for Evelynn, not for me. She finds plenty of friends, I just find people 10-15 years older than me who really aren't interested in what I have to say/contribute. I know that sounds really negative but it's true. To them I am "just a baby." Yes, they say this. Not in a mean way, but still!

My SIL is also 10 years older than me, and all my cousins who have children are much older than me. I know of one person my age with a baby, but she still parties every night.

I feel like I don't have any peers. It's very lonely.

But... don't stop looking for friends! I met a seminary student who is my age through the church. She's engaged, doesn't have children yet, but she loves to be around the baby. We have lunch and hang out, she's really cool!
Exactly ... exactly .. I feel so isolated and alone
post #339 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
Thanks. I'm trying to set up a play group at my church but I so rarely find the motivation to do so. We'll see.

Good luck at your ultrasound! My favorite name from your list was Catherine Emery.
I just posted in the Tribal and the Parents forum about a play group. We're in Reading/Lancaster but you are still welcomed to join!! My friend and I started it and we're both 22, about four weeks apart actually lol. Just wanted to extend the invite to you. I know it's far, but if you're ever in the area, fee free to join. We have a facebook group. It's all in the thread.
post #340 of 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
I just posted in the Tribal and the Parents forum about a play group. We're in Reading/Lancaster but you are still welcomed to join!! My friend and I started it and we're both 22, about four weeks apart actually lol. Just wanted to extend the invite to you. I know it's far, but if you're ever in the area, fee free to join. We have a facebook group. It's all in the thread.
That's about 2 hours away from us. Seems like a long trip! She loves the car, me... not so much! LOL I do have a lot of family in Reading, I will keep you in mind if I'm ever going out that way.
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