I have watched this thread since it you first posted. It is near and dear to me/my situation.
(see my history in sig) This time, #5, I have had a midwife attended pregnancy thus far. At first, I was super excited
about it - but felt like 'i had a secret' when I came home to the UC boards. Could I be 'here' if I wasnt going to have a UC necessarily? Most of these women don't judge your choice, and many mw/homebirthers participate here as well from what I have seen. But- I alas felt 'funny' about which label I would get.I like fourlittlebirds blog
and opinions and 'name' she gives UC = 'autonomous birth'. There is a line drawn by some
- but I think the most important one - is the you draw for yourself...getting what you want & need despite anything else.
She is a friend, and was my midwife with #2. I have lately (at 24-ish weeks) started thinking more about the birth...and am having a hard time placing my friend/midwife there. I have seen here work - I doula - and I know she is a 'hands off' non-interferring care provider, but I am concerned about the ...I dont know that there are words for it. I am VERY sensitive - hyper-aware in the emotional/energetic/psychic ways. I *see* and feel things that fly over most people's radar and awareness.
So- to have someone present who is not appreciative of all the dimensions and there realness/importance - and perhaps acting/speaking blind to their own inner thoughts and motives will be a big distraction and cause for sadness to me. At my 2 UC's, I had my husband and mother, and husband and best friend who also UC'ed. I know their energy well - and they do not interfere/distract me.. however - I did not have the support I would have given another mother when I doula. That made me sad. My friend/midwife and I do not spend a ton of time together - she is a busy midwife! So- I don't feel entirely like I 'know' her in that way to be completely comfortable about her right now. I like her very very much- and know she provides excellent medical care. I am struggling with this too.
I doula- and would do a birth like yours. I would likely have you sign a letter about what you are asking me to do - and that you know I am not a midwife etc. just because I don't know you, and people do crappy things sometimes. Its just a cya thing- I know other vbac moms who attend/doula/birth sit
for other moms UC'ing because they cant get a VBAC with anyone else legally. (sad)
I am inspired by your thread and in writing my response and will be seeing about finding a support person who I feel entirely comfortable with.