Weekly Chat 11/29 - 12/5 - Page 6

[sonshine_rae]

It's fine to ask what meds I'm on, I just couldn't remember the name of the new one earlier lol....

I've been on Lexapro for yrs, and they've just added Wellbutrin to it today.

[PassionateWriter]

re: bw'ing....its getting cold here but not so bad yet but ds3 was born 1/1 so it was very cold. what i used to is put the moby on before leaving the house under my coat. i would then take him from the carseat and put him in the wrap (plop him basically). even if he was asleep he would go back to sleep almost immediately. im so glad i worked at that b/c even when i was pregnant (up to the 40th week) he was still willing to ride in teh Ergo while grocery shopping. It reduced SO MANY issues that i see others deal w/ when having toddlers in shopping carts, wanting to walk, etc. etc.

i havent started wearing the Moby out so much right now b/c, well Zen is the size of a 3 month old at this point (starting out almost 10 lbs. will do that to you) so he fits in the Ergo fine and for the most i use the KKAFP right now and just take him out of the car seat and plop him in there. i put that on inside also under my coat. it really only takes about 30 seconds to do that.

i dont know what articles were linked below but this is a compilation of articles i have found on infant carriers: http://nhapmom.wordpress.com/2008/08...ers-no-bjorns/

I seriously dont know how i would get anything done w/o babywearing. Zen just loves to be held, all the time.

Carrie, i find food (esp. sufficient/insufficient protein) really affects my moods. is there any way you can get help w/ that? i probably eat enough for both of us but esp. w/ bf'ing you need to keep up your food intake and make sure its healthy so it wont negatively affect Nora. It must be so hard with everything you seem to have going on. I hope all your health issues get resolved soon.

re: DH's. one thing that has really helped me is to TELL DP that I need him to do something. As soon as I figured this out life became much much easier around here.

im sorry for you gals that are dealing w/ PPD. I have dealt w/ depression before and its no fun. Its even less fun when you realize (as i did) that sometimes meds are the only solution, even if just temporarily. Its really impt. to get a good HCP though...teh strengths are so individual. good luck to everyone!

AAM: not much going on here. we had a day "in" today..our only one this week. it went well....not as well as the ones where we get out though. tomorrow we are meeting up with a local AP group. I will say that i dont think i could do this toddler/baby stuff w/o going to these like minded groups. I need ALL THE HELP I CAN GET RIGHT NOW. lol!

of course im not allowed to type much!! so off again! wishing everyone well though..i try to read but dont get much of a chance to type.

[TaraRae82]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

re: bw'ing....its getting cold here but not so bad yet but ds3 was born 1/1 so it was very cold. what i used to is put the moby on before leaving the house under my coat. i would then take him from the carseat and put him in the wrap (plop him basically). even if he was asleep he would go back to sleep almost immediately. im so glad i worked at that b/c even when i was pregnant (up to the 40th week) he was still willing to ride in teh Ergo while grocery shopping. It reduced SO MANY issues that i see others deal w/ when having toddlers in shopping carts, wanting to walk, etc. etc.


re: DH's. one thing that has really helped me is to TELL DP that I need him to do something. As soon as I figured this out life became much much easier around here.

I do the exact same thing with the Moby. I look pretty silly wearing it when Ally Rae's not in it but it's the best option I've found.

I'm going to start doing that with DH. I know I'm guilty of being a typical female that just expects the husbandperson to figure out what I need when I need it and respond appropriately. They're not psychic! I forget that...

[sonshine_rae]

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

I do the exact same thing with the Moby. I look pretty silly wearing it when Ally Rae's not in it but it's the best option I've found.

I'm going to start doing that with DH. I know I'm guilty of being a typical female that just expects the husbandperson to figure out what I need when I need it and respond appropriately. They're not psychic! I forget that...

Hehe Tara I think we ALL forget that last part.... from time to time

I also if I'm using a wrap, or a mei tai 'try' to remember to put it on before I leave home (though sometimes I forget and have to try to get the silly thing on in our minivan!). If I'm just using a pouch or sling I wait to put it on when I put baby on usually.

I used to wear baby under my coat and wrap a blanket around the baby (who is of course in the wrap) when I went outside.
But my Mom made me a fleece poncho last weekend so now I just slip that over both of our heads (separate hole for each head), instead of a coat, it works well except sometimes I think he'd like more protection from the wind for his face (I do put a hat on him). Only trouble is all I could find was regular fleece, and I really really need one made out of polar fleece (extra thick fleece) to be warm enough this time of year.

[TaraRae82]

^What a great idea with the poncho Rae! I do just put my coat on over the Moby and put a warm blanket over her and her head. It's getting much colder here. It even snowed again today for a bit! I snow!

[Amber Lion]

Babywearing - I wear Addie all day long too, through the laundry ("We're bending doooowwwwnnnnn, and coming back UP!" ) and just use one hand to add extra support to her head if it's out of the the wrap, or if it's tucked in the wrap supports her head. Dishes are a bit more of a challenge and I don't get to them nearly enough, b/c I've got to reach around her, but it works. If I wasn't wearing her I'd spend WAY more time getting her deeply asleep enough to put her down and then she'd wake up way quicker than if she was in the wrap. So technically I do most of my chores while she's napping, just in the wrap!

And I put it on before I leave the house too, under my coat. Usually I put her in warm clothes b/c my coat won't reach around both of us. I have a cottton lined fleece jumpsuit with a hood that I usually put her in over a long sleeved onsie and socks. If I'm going somewhere that I'll be for a long time that I'll need to take her out of it, I'll even put it over babylegs or something like that. We also use wool diaper covers, so that's an added layer of warmth too.

[sonshine_rae]

Tara we got the idea from this http://www.gypsymama.com/sew_poncho.htm .... though my Mom thought the instructions were terrible and did it her own way LOL.... but basically it's just got two head holes one big enough for me, and one little for him.

And about babywearing I wear him all the time when we are away from home, and mostly just when he's fussy at home will I wear him.

[TaraRae82]

Too cute Emily! I do the same type of talking with Ally Rae....."shall we go get all your clothes out of your hamper so my pretty little girl has something to wear?" You'd think she could answer me with how I talk to her! "Hi there pretty girl! Did you have a nice sleep? Do you have happy dreams to tell me about? *insert her big open-mouth smile*" I also have to support her head quite a bit when I bend over simply because she HATES it under the fabric even if she's sleeping (which is what she's usually doing in the Moby).

Thanks for the link Rae! DH hates ponchos but that may be something that could be very beneficial for both Ally and me.

[crosscat]

nak
Em: Glad you enjoyed the concert. Sorry you're sick.

neveryoumind: Thinking of you. Wishing you better days.

sonshine: Good luck with the new meds. I hope all our mamas dealing with PPD and baby blues are feeling better soon.

(Maybe stupid)Question for all you moby-wearing mamas: I wear Calla when I do chores, too, but remove the wrap when I take her out and re-wrap before putting back in. Do any of you pop your LO in and out without re-wrapping? If so, does it not get too stretched out? At home, I don't mind re-wrapping, but for multi-stops during outings in the car, not re-wrapping would be easier and faster. Just not sure if that how the wrap is intended to be used or not.

[TaraRae82]

nak

^sometimes i re-wrap and sometimes i don't. if she's asleep and not squirming then it doesn't stretch much (usually the case). I also wear her pretty high and tight so it has more stretching to do before needing to be re-wrapped.

[myrmom]

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter View Post
re: bw'ing....its getting cold here but not so bad yet but ds3 was born 1/1 so it was very cold. what i used to is put the moby on before leaving the house under my coat. i would then take him from the carseat and put him in the wrap (plop him basically). even if he was asleep he would go back to sleep almost immediately.

I have tried to do this with Keir but I find that his carseat is far to cold to put him into it when we get back to the car...I really wish I had command start.

[crazybee]

/Lurk Off

Hello Everybody!

I will help as much as I can, you can pick the brains of a DH. What Cat said makes me proud, but I would say that I am FAR from perfect.

One of the most important things that a lot of people are touching on is asking for help. Cat and I went through this a long time before Calla came along. I have a different comfort level when it comes to how clean the house is, I am not a slob or anything, but we just have different comfort levels. Things that may be driving Cat completely insane may not phase me because of these differences. This went on for a while until Cat vocalized her discomfort and said, Bee, can you take out the trash. Can you help make the bed. Can you straighten this or throw out this. Most guys won't hesitate to help when they understand that you are uncomfortable.

This may be impossible with a newborn but another thing that helped was that when Cat made a "Chores" schedule. Before we would clean house on the weekends when things got way out of control, it would take hours out of my precious weekend and I would usually end up sulking : the entire time which would probably enrage Cat. When she made our chores list, it was a lot easier to swallow. Living room on Monday, Bathrooms Tuesday, Bedroom and Hall on Wednesday, etc. It took a few minutes after work to clean and then I was able to relax without guilt or resentment. This kept the house in shape and Cat sane and freed up a lot of time on our weekend. Its a bit different now that Calla is around, but we are coping (I hope ).

There are a lot of things that I feel have made it easier for Cat and I. We are both laid back and rarely argue except those rare Sunday's where we want to beat each other up. Our pregnancy was planned and everything went as planned, and our sweet Calla has a great temperament and has been excelling at everything, especially : weight :. HAH!

CrazyBee

Originally Posted by crosscat

^Not asking for help will only result in resentment and tension in the household - not good for baby or anyone else.

I'm adjusting to SAHMdom here, too. I think everyone's happier when I have the courage to ask crazy_bee to help out with some things. When he isn't working, we take turns on diaper duty. He does shopping and usually cooks (or picks up dinner). He participates in tummy time / play time and always wants some time each evening to just hold the baby. He assists with bath time and our burgeoning bed time routines.

Once it's bed time, he puts in ear plugs and I take over unless it's really rough and I absolutely need a break/help. That's rare; thank goodness she is a decent sleeper. I feel strongly that he needs his sleep for work the next day and nighttime parenting is mostly breastfeeding at this point anyway.

So DH does all of this and works a very demanding job, too. He never complains ever when I ask him to do something because he understands what a hard job SAHM can be and he loves opportunities to do stuff with Calla.

Don't hesitate to ask your DHs for help and find the right division of responsibilities that feels fair to BOTH of you. Remember guys can be clueless and not realize we need more from them unless we tell them.

Crazy_Bee (or any other dads): If you're lurking this thread and have anything to add from a new dad's perspective, please feel free to share your insights!

[Changed]

I got my babywearing coat in the mail today!!!! It's FABULOUS! I'm so stinking excited- it's my Christmas gift but I wore it today already.

[JMarie930]

Grrrr, I just lost my big-long-multiquote response! Oh well, I'll go back and redo it in the AM.

AAM - We had part of my family visit for the holiday, so I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. Doesn't help when both DH and I are sick, and it really didn't help matters that DD woke up from her nap gagging and choking on sinus drainage. I took her in to the ped and he reassured us that her lungs were clear. She sure does NOT appreciate the saline drops in her nose, but they are really helping get the gunk out.

My sister had her baby this morning! Her DD arrived at 5:05AM, 5 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches. She's a bit early - 33 weeks - so she's in the NICU for now, but her lungs look good. I'm so excited! My best friend also had her baby on Thanksgiving, a little boy. She's sending me all the details when she has a free minute. Babies, babies, all around!

[mkmb129]

I second asking for help-- and usually I give dh an option "you can do this, or you can do this." That way I'm not just asking him to do something and not doing something myself, ya know. He's gotten so much better with the second kid, doing things without being asked, but most of the time I need to ask. With ds I just expected him to know and to help.. haha. Once I started asking, he does more and I don't feel so resentful for having to "everything". Considering their job is one thing, too. When I was pregnant with ds and when he was born dh was in a really, really, really physically and mentally stressful job. He didn't do much at all because of this, and NOW I see and understand it, but before.. I wasn't always nice to him about it. Once he acknowledged that my job at home is very stressful, too, and just as important, I felt less resentful towards him.

AAM: I've never been so sick in my life. I'm so tired and achey, it's terrible. I had to call my sister to come over yesterday evening because I could not care for the kids, I was just so tired it was all I could do to open my mouth to talk, let alone get up and chase dh and deal with the baby. She's going to come over tonight after work as well.. thank goodness, because I don't know what I'd do without her! She even offered to take Ainsley last night so I could sleep (the child won't just go to sleep for me.. has to comfort nurse with entails yanking of and crying every 30 seconds and hurting me nips) and after an hour of that crap, I brought her down to my sister.. out like a light in less then 5mins. Too bad I could't sleep without her and just tossed and turned for over and hour until I went and got her, grr!!! Anyway, back to the couch I go.

[Faerieshadow]

Megan, sorry to hear you're sick. I've been the same way since Sunday and it is no fun trying to take care of kids in this shape! I feel so lucky that DH's schedule means he's been home most of the time. Worked his 24 hour shift on Sunday and has been home since, yesterday was his monthly "free day" (they get one day a month paid that doesn't come out of vacation time) so talk about perfect timing.

Babywearing... I do most of my bwing outside the house, or if we're going out to play in the backyard or go for a walk. If I have tons of chores all at once to do I'll pop her in but she loves to be laid out like this so I usually do that and run around the house picking up and putting away, lol.. I guess I'm lucky here in that the cold isn't too much of a factor. But for me the pouch is so much easier to slip right on and off that I've been too lazy to try the Moby. Heck, I usually need to check in the mirror a few times while putting it on to make sure I'm doing it right anyway. But it never fails. Not once has Elina stayed awake when I pop her in the pouch out somewhere. And I get fifty million comments about what a "great idea" it is to wear her like that... as though I came up with the idea myself. That's how uncommon it is around here.

CrazyBee, thanks for the reminder about a chore calendar! I've forgotten about that, that would make a huge difference in what gets done around here. I have to say I'm pretty proud of my DH for the way he's jumped in and taken over whenever necessary. It's been very rare that I've felt overburdened or resentful toward him. And I don't "think" he minds when I speak up and tell him what I need from him.

Sonshine Rae and everyone else battling the PPD stuff... to you all.

AAM: Still sick here. Ready to lose my mind in frustration, I need to get stuff done!!! My father is flying in from California on Monday to visit for a week and my place is a wreck. Sigh....

[crosscat]

s to the sick mamas and thanks to those with moby-advice.

That pic of Elina was so super cute, Faerie!

I'm a mombie today, so I won't bother trying to post much. Calla just wouldn't stay asleep last night. Her "routine" may have been upset by the road trip and holiday. Wish Bee and I luck that she's sleeping like a pro again soon.

Wish you all well.

[mamanurse]

Ready for a long-ass very personal post? If not skip ahead.

Originally Posted by PassionateWriter

i havent started wearing the Moby out so much right now b/c, well Zen is the size of a 3 month old at this point (starting out almost 10 lbs. will do that to you) so he fits in the Ergo fine and for the most i use the KKAFP right now and just take him out of the car seat and plop him in there. i put that on inside also under my coat. it really only takes about 30 seconds to do that.

My Peanut Shell and KKAFP get a lot of use for short trips. It's incredibly easy to put her in it and if she's asleep in the carseat, she just falls right back asleep in the pouch. I also love my mei tai and will swaddle Hazel in the front seat of the car before putting her in it. When I had a Moby with dd1, I'd wrap it on before we left the house and then pop her into it once we are out. Only very occasionally will I take her out in the carseat. Even though the carseat gets cold, I always try and remember that they didn't always have those "to go" boxes for babies and babies have been doing fine sitting in cold carseats for a long time. I dress Hazel warmly when it's cold outside so I don't have to worry.

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

Too cute Emily! I do the same type of talking with Ally Rae....."shall we go get all your clothes out of your hamper so my pretty little girl has something to wear?" You'd think she could answer me with how I talk to her! "Hi there pretty girl! Did you have a nice sleep? Do you have happy dreams to tell me about? *insert her big open-mouth smile*"

I think that's healthy for baby. It encourages their development IMO even though we sound like crazy ninnies when out in public

Originally Posted by JMarie930

My sister had her baby this morning! Her DD arrived at 5:05AM, 5 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches. She's a bit early - 33 weeks - so she's in the NICU for now, but her lungs look good. I'm so excited! My best friend also had her baby on Thanksgiving, a little boy. She's sending me all the details when she has a free minute. Babies, babies, all around!

That's big for 33 weeks. Congratulations!!!

Originally Posted by crazybee

Most guys won't hesitate to help when they understand that you are uncomfortable.

This may be impossible with a newborn but another thing that helped was that when Cat made a "Chores" schedule.

There are a lot of things that I feel have made it easier for Cat and I. We are both laid back and rarely argue except those rare Sunday's where we want to beat each other up. Our pregnancy was planned and everything went as planned, and our sweet Calla has a great temperament and has been excelling at everything, especially : weight :. HAH!

CrazyBee

You're awesome Bill Thanks for the wonderful post. Unfortunately, my dh's personality does not jive with the self-motivation chore schedule. We have a chore chart and it just collects dust on our corkboard I think you are probably more of a self-starter and don't need your wife to light a fire up under your a$$ to get stuff done. My dh has a lot of great qualities, but getting stuff (anything really) done is not one of them.

Another thing I've noticed my dh struggling with is being overwhelmed. It's very difficult for him to balance dd1 and dd2, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc.. This might be part of his depression or the depression makes it worse. He gets super anxious and then all he can do is sit and ruminate about all the things he's not doing. Then he feels bad about himself because he's not getting anything done. It's really a vicious cycle and something he's dealing with in counseling.

I think we jumped into the whole baby thing a little too early. (A failed IUD will do that) Especially for him. Now, obviously, we're stuck with our situation and that makes all those aforementioned problems even worse. He often says he feels hopeless and that he wishes we could undo stuff and go back to when we were 24 and 26.

So why am I rambling about my dh and his (our) problems? Maybe someone else on this board is feeling they have a similar situation and can relate. I didn't know what the problem was with our first and it took us a long time to realize why dh was so miserable.

Being the wife of a depressed man isn't easy. I know I'm not depressed, but I often feel sad that we have to deal with this. It's very difficult to see him so miserable and know that my actions are contributing to this. I try to pick and choose what I present to him to limit his anxiety, but the truth is I can't do it all alone. I tried for 20 months after dd1 was born and was starting to go insane.

We re-start marriage counseling again in January after getting fired 18 months ago. Our counselor said that we weren't going to make any progress together as a couple if dh didn't address his depression issues. She described it as a bicycle in which one wheel is completely broken. I should also mention that I'm a flat tire at best. He started individual counseling 3 months later when I gave him the "I'm leaving you" ultimatum. The psychiatrist put him on antidepressants and it is like night and day. I'm so thankful.

The most recent stress of having Hazel along with a few other stressors such as his mom, have put him back into a depression. It's not even close to as bad as it was a year ago, but it's still not any fun.

Originally Posted by mkmb129

I've never been so sick in my life. I'm so tired and achey, it's terrible.

Sounds like the flu. I hope you feel better soon.

Originally Posted by crosscat

I'm a mombie today, so I won't bother trying to post much. Calla just wouldn't stay asleep last night. Her "routine" may have been upset by the road trip and holiday. Wish Bee and I luck that she's sleeping like a pro again soon.

Wish you all well.

Laughing at mombie. Love it. for Calla to go back to magical, mystical, good sleeping baby

AAM(yes even more): Olivia's birthday party is this weekend and I need to go grocery shopping today. Tomorrow I'll make the cupcakes and Saturday my mom is coming over in the morning to help me decorate them and make the sandwiches. It's a swim party at the community center and Livi is SUPER excited.

I swam yesterday and my boob popped out of my suit while doing backstroke. It was totally embarassing I really needed a good workout and relished it.

[TaraRae82]

Originally Posted by Faerieshadow

Megan, sorry to hear you're sick. I've been the same way since Sunday and it is no fun trying to take care of kids in this shape! I feel so lucky that DH's schedule means he's been home most of the time. Worked his 24 hour shift on Sunday and has been home since, yesterday was his monthly "free day" (they get one day a month paid that doesn't come out of vacation time) so talk about perfect timing.

Babywearing... I do most of my bwing outside the house, or if we're going out to play in the backyard or go for a walk. If I have tons of chores all at once to do I'll pop her in but she loves to be laid out like this so I usually do that and run around the house picking up and putting away, lol.. I guess I'm lucky here in that the cold isn't too much of a factor. But for me the pouch is so much easier to slip right on and off that I've been too lazy to try the Moby. Heck, I usually need to check in the mirror a few times while putting it on to make sure I'm doing it right anyway. But it never fails. Not once has Elina stayed awake when I pop her in the pouch out somewhere. And I get fifty million comments about what a "great idea" it is to wear her like that... as though I came up with the idea myself. That's how uncommon it is around here.

CrazyBee, thanks for the reminder about a chore calendar! I've forgotten about that, that would make a huge difference in what gets done around here. I have to say I'm pretty proud of my DH for the way he's jumped in and taken over whenever necessary. It's been very rare that I've felt overburdened or resentful toward him. And I don't "think" he minds when I speak up and tell him what I need from him.

Sonshine Rae and everyone else battling the PPD stuff... to you all.

AAM: Still sick here. Ready to lose my mind in frustration, I need to get stuff done!!! My father is flying in from California on Monday to visit for a week and my place is a wreck. Sigh....

nak

Same here! I've had people ask if I came up with the idea. Sheesh. Lots of people say, "I wish they'd had that when I had my kids". I usually say, "They did, you probably just didn't know about it. Babywearing is centuries old." I feel kinda snotty but I do say it in a kind way. I don't want them to think it's a new thing.

ETA:
I took a few pics of my haircut. The shape is fine but it's just too short in the front for practical purposes. Please forgive my lack of makeup....

Front

Side

Side #2

[Astrid1024]

Tara - Cute haircut!

I'm typing 2-handed!!!! The reason for this is I got a Kangaroo Adjustable Fleece Pouch today at our natural baby store. It felt a little spendy, what with already having a Maya ring sling (HATE it!!), a Sleepywrap and an Ergo. With Wisconsin winters though, the Ergo is too bulky for an infant (because of the infant insert) and not practical over or under coats. The Sleepywrap is too complicated to get him in and out of for trips to the grocery store and the like. And while it does what it says it does (put the baby to sleep) you're damned if you want to get him out of it without waking him and having him go absolutely bonkers. This Kangaroo pouch is a miracle. I dropped him in it and he went to sleep immediately. I never get to type 2-handed with him in any sling/wrap...It was worth every penny. I can also lift him out without waking him. I'm so happy I could shed a tear

P.S. I just nursed him in it! With both hands free. Awesome!