Weekly Chat 11/29 - 12/5 - Page 4

[heidirk]

Carrie- I don't even want to attempt a wrap, it's always seemed like waaayyy too much fabric! I'm happy with my new sling, which a fellow mom made for me. I couldn't get Milo comfy in the meitai, which ds1 loved! : don't feel bad. I also drink coffee, and it helps tremendously. It only affected Milo one time, and I had drunk almost 2 pots! : DH puts a stick note on the coffeepot to remind me to take my vits if i've been forgetting.



Milo has been gassy on and off, but the gripe water has been taking care of it. not much else going on around here. . .

I love holding my chunky LO, he seems so solid now, no longer a newborn, I can't beleive how quickly it went by! I'll have to do this again after a while!

[Changed]

I've heard the bjorns just aren't great for the babys spine... better to be held than not though right?

I wouldn't even mess with a wrap. Carrie, you need a SSC like a beco or angelpack. Soooo easy. My lo lives in the angelpack lx. I have tons of other slings but that's the only one we use.

[mamanurse]

I think there is some belief that the Bjorn can cause poor spine and possibly hip development. I also found it to be incredibly uncomfortable after my baby got older than 3 months. Here's an article on spine development.

[neveryoumindthere]

I just use a regular 'mayawrap' type ring sling that i've used with all 3 of my kiddos.
And more recently I bought a Chunei. it's soooo awesome. I have never been able to wear my kids on my back comfortably and with this I don't even feel like he's on me. If you do a search here on MDC you'll see UmmIbrahim has lots of info on chuneis.

I could never figure out or be comfortable in a wrap. Too overwhelming at a time when life itself is overwhelming, who needs that stress

[abber]

So, yesterday Finn was super fussy and upset ALL DAY. He was awake from 9am to 10pm, with maybe 3 30 minute naps. It kind of drove me crazy, and the bf and his sister took care of him at night so I could destress. We think his fussiness might be caused by the thrush, since we tried treating him for gas and it didn't help much.
When he finally fell asleep, he SLEPT. we went to bed with him, and he woke up at 3am to make some noises and fell back asleep, then woke up demanding to feed at 5am! I was shocked he slept for so long, but I got a near full nights sleep so yay!
He ate a ton at 5am, then again at 8am and after he finished the second feeding, he promptly threw up most of the feeding all over me, the pillows, the bed and THE WALL and then SMILED : I cleaned us both up, and the second I put his arm into a new outfit, he threw up more! Twerp! I finally got him totally cleaned up and put him in his bed so I could do laundry, and he fell asleep on his own for the first time! He normally needs to nurse or at least be snuggled to sleep, which is sweet and I love it, but sometimes I need to put him down and take care of myself.

Pretty eventful day, and all before 9am. Oh boy.

[Baby_Cakes]

Wow! I had no idea that so many of you guys don't like wraps! I thought I was a total MDC reject!

So, Nora is 12 lbs! Holy crap! The ped also looked in her mouth and her diaper area - Nora does not have thrush or yeast. So, I'm back to square one. Why did my symptoms come back? I put a call into my midwife, I think I'm just going to have to refill the diflucan and keep doing the GSE on my nips every hour. I want this shit gone. I want to enjoy nursing and I want to enjoy Christmas. I don't want to deal with this anymore!!!

Right now I'm enjoying a nice everything bagel w/cream cheese and a cup of cinnamon hazelnut coffee with vanilla creamer. This coffee is delicious. It's like having the Christmas season all warmed up in a cup. I feel quite good today. I'm just going to run with it.

[Changed]

Well, that is all good news!

[sonshine_rae]

Okay.... I think I will try to re-calculate it to make sure my math is right but ummm girls?

I tried that PPD survey/questionaire thingie...... and I scored a 76???? eeksss

I already have an appointment to see my family doctor tomorrow to discuss my anti-depressant, but I didn't realize I might be this bad off .

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by sonshine_rae

Okay.... I think I will try to re-calculate it to make sure my math is right but ummm girls?

I tried that PPD survey/questionaire thingie...... and I scored a 76???? eeksss

I already have an appointment to see my family doctor tomorrow to discuss my anti-depressant, but I didn't realize I might be this bad off .

We're here for you, if you need to talk/vent/anything.

I took the test again later and still scored higher than I was comfortable with, too. We'll get through this together, Mama.

[sonshine_rae]

Okay.... I printed it and very very carefully counted it (WHY don't they have it automated??!?).... and the actual count is 68.. but yeah still pretty high. And I did have a couple of red ones marked.

hmm do you girls think I should bring this survey thing in to my doctor's office? I always have trouble (especially when depressed) explaining what's going on once I get to the doc's office, it's easy to make light of things while there... sigh

[TaraRae82]

What/where is this PPD questionaire you all refer to? I'm curious to see where I fall. I definitely have my bad moments and rough days and wonder if it's a light case of PPD. Like, I have fleeting thoughts during our bad evenings of wanting to lay Ally down in her crib (that has no mattress...sheesh) and just walk away but then I immediately feel incredibly guilty and just cuddle her tighter and always end up crying with her. I've tried to ignore it all because overall I feel really good but I hate to ignore even the little signs for fear that I'll ignore it into a more severe case.

I got a haircut today. It felt so good to get out of the house and see some familiar adults! I was tempted to start my Christmas shopping while we were out and Ally Rae was happy/sleeping in her Moby but I know one outing is enough for her and had we gone anywhere else our evening would've sucked royally. My normal stylist had her baby last Wed (hooray!) so I had to see a different gal but she did a surprisingly good job. I'll have to take some pics. DH and I have his company Christmas party to go to next Thurs so maybe I'll post pics from that since I'll be all dressed up instead of looking like a Mommy.

[sonshine_rae]

Tara it's a sticky in the PPD forum here on mothering.com ....

but for ease of use I'll just link it here.. there may be others in our DDC who'd like to check it out too .

http://www.pndsa.co.za/symptom_checklist.html

[TaraRae82]

Thanks Rae. I took it and I'm comfortable with my score. It was much lower than I thought it'd be. I guess I'll just keep on the lookout for any change in my feelings. I think a lot of my issues right now are seeded in frustrations with DH. I need to just get it all in the open with him. I haven't talked to him much because I don't want him to feel bad or guilty and I don't know that there's anything he can do to make me feel better without me feeling guilty! I feel like I need more help in the evenings when she's fussy because I've been caring for her all day long. But, he's been working hard at the office all day and has a very stressful job and she doesn't want him when she's fussy and I don't do well hearing her fuss when someone else has her. It's a double-edged sword. *sigh* I could also use some help overnight but again, what can he do then?? I have the boobs! Plus, I don't have to get up in the morning (aside from Ally's demands) and can nap during the day with her and he has to get up early to get to the office for his meetings so I feel bad asking him to help when he needs his sleep. I feel guilty asking for any help because he works really hard to bring in our only income and it's a great income. I feel like that's his job. My job is to be Mommy. Although, just to play devil's advocate and talk this out outloud, I care for Ally Rae for probably 23 hours out of the day and would it be fair to ask him to help on the weekends even though that's his only opportunity to sleep in? I'm so torn and have no idea what's reasonable for me to ask of him. I wish he weren't so busy at work and could be home at a normal time instead of 8pm like it's been since she was born. I almost feel like a single parent who just happens to be married.

[heidirk]

Tararae- This was where I was after DS1 was born. And I have to tell you, you're only making it harder on yourself by not asking for help. Yes, your DH has been working too, but the work you're asking him to do is at least different from what he's been doing all day. The reason evening time is so rough, especially for a first time mom, or a fussy baby, is that by th time the ruckus starts, you've already been doing the same job for 20 hours. You really DO need a break. And he can help out for 20 mins at a time, they bneed time to learn each other, and the only way they can do that is to interact. Keep an eye on yourself. . .

soneshinerae- BTDT- hope your visit with the doc goes well.

Carrie- Hey girl! Glad you're feeling a bit better today! Maybe you can take a picture of yourself, and post it on the fridge with the caption, 'Happy Day'. It would help you remember how good you can feel. I'm comeing over to share your coffee!


AAM- OK, squeaker is waking up, I think so this'll have to be fast. I have a HUGE sense of accomplishment today, and all I did was go grocery shopping! But I went to the bank, then the drive thru at McD's : then the Whole FOod store, then the regular Giant grocery store, and it all went so smoothly!!! But I got home, Milo is still sleeping, got the cold stuff put away, and got DS1 down for a nap, and now I have a few minutesd fopr myself!! The problem is I'm so wired I can't decide what I want to do!!

OK, squeaker resettled himself! Guess I'll curl up w/my book! wait, maybe I should put the chicken in the oven, no I should put the diapers in the wash, no I'll crochet instead. . . no, maybe. . . . :

[Amber Lion]

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

I feel guilty asking for any help because he works really hard to bring in our only income and it's a great income. I feel like that's his job. My job is to be Mommy. Although, just to play devil's advocate and talk this out outloud, I care for Ally Rae for probably 23 hours out of the day and would it be fair to ask him to help on the weekends even though that's his only opportunity to sleep in? I'm so torn and have no idea what's reasonable for me to ask of him.

nak

I'm in the exact same boat as you Tara! I've no idea what is reasonable so end up not asking for help b/c I don't want to stress him out more and he needs down time too... but then I end up with no down time.

[neveryoumindthere]

sonshine-rae, yes bring the questionnaire with you. That sounds exactly like me. There I was trying to explain my symptoms to the doctor and I couldn't even think straight.

s to everyone going through this. DO NOT wait to get help, in whatever form that may be.
Even if you have 'good days' that's the deception that is depression.
Take care of yourselves and keep posting.
I'm so glad I have my 'tribe' to turn to when I need it. IRL I'm pretty alone.

[crosscat]

^Not asking for help will only result in resentment and tension in the household - not good for baby or anyone else.

I'm adjusting to SAHMdom here, too. I think everyone's happier when I have the courage to ask crazy_bee to help out with some things. When he isn't working, we take turns on diaper duty. He does shopping and usually cooks (or picks up dinner). He participates in tummy time / play time and always wants some time each evening to just hold the baby. He assists with bath time and our burgeoning bed time routines.

Once it's bed time, he puts in ear plugs and I take over unless it's really rough and I absolutely need a break/help. That's rare; thank goodness she is a decent sleeper. I feel strongly that he needs his sleep for work the next day and nighttime parenting is mostly breastfeeding at this point anyway.

So DH does all of this and works a very demanding job, too. He never complains ever when I ask him to do something because he understands what a hard job SAHM can be and he loves opportunities to do stuff with Calla.

Don't hesitate to ask your DHs for help and find the right division of responsibilities that feels fair to BOTH of you. Remember guys can be clueless and not realize we need more from them unless we tell them.

Crazy_Bee (or any other dads): If you're lurking this thread and have anything to add from a new dad's perspective, please feel free to share your insights!

[sonshine_rae]

neveryoumindthere sonshine-rae, yes bring the questionnaire with you. That sounds exactly like me. There I was trying to explain my symptoms to the doctor and I couldn't even think straight.

s to everyone going through this. DO NOT wait to get help, in whatever form that may be.
Even if you have 'good days' that's the deception that is depression.
Take care of yourselves and keep posting.
I'm so glad I have my 'tribe' to turn to when I need it. IRL I'm pretty alone.

Thanks for saying that about having 'good days' .... because that's part of what's thrown me off, sometimes things seem mostly okay? Other times they are horrendously out of control. Right now I'm half sick to my stomach, and somewhere between anxious/panicy..... yet the kids are all fine/calm.. there really is NO problem here????

[neveryoumindthere]

That's the comment that pushed me to FINALLY get help (like a year later!)

I just looked up the old post of mine from 2004 on the PPD board and this is what one poster said to me :One big thing is not to let the good days fool you. I know so many people who have a good day and think "see, I must be okay, I was just having a bad day (week, month.) Having good days with depression is normal, but somehow we always want to talk ourselves into thinking that the good days mean we are okay and overreacting to the bad days. Don't let the good days fool you.

and this:
What happened to me also was that I would be at my absolute worst in the morning. I would be a wreck. Then by the time the afternoon rolled around (and my dh got home) I could function a little bit better and would think, "well, maybe I am okay" and I would feel silly for how I had felt earlier. When I was admitted to the hospital, it was in the evening so I felt pretty silly at that point that my dh had taken me there. I kept thinking, "but I'll seem so normal now, they won't know how bad I was this morning." I told the ER doctor that and he told me that it is very common with depression for it to be at it's worst in the morning and to ease up a bit in the evening. Talk about an "ah ha" moment.

The thing that I realized after the fact when I was on meds and felt better, is that I had no idea just how bad I had gotten. What I thought were "good days" weren't even close to the good days that I had when I was healthy. They were just good in comparison to the bad days at the time.

[sonshine_rae]

hmm well part of my sickness is reality.... I seem to have diarrhea now. fun fun