Weekly Chat 11/29 - 12/5 - Page 5

[OrchideZ]

Originally Posted by Amber Lion

nak

I'm in the exact same boat as you Tara! I've no idea what is reasonable so end up not asking for help b/c I don't want to stress him out more and he needs down time too... but then I end up with no down time.

Amber and Tara, I am in the same boat as y'all too. I will say that my DH does like to take Jasper when he gets home b/c he misses him. Awww. He tries to help me in the evenings by letting me take a shower, sit on the computer, watch tv while he tends to poopy dipes and gives Jasper a bottle. (I highly recommend pumping a bottle a day so that your DH can help with feeding and to get this started before your baby reaches the point they won't accept anything but your bewb. It felt good last night when Jasper was fussing to know his daddy could handle him and he had a bottle to give him and I felt no guilt at relaxing.)
At nighttime, I do my best to let Matt sleep and I go out in the living room with the baby for changes and nursing. On the weekends, I try to let him sleep in b/c I know his sleep has suffered from hearing the baby cry during the week and getting up at 6:30.
I try to make a nice dinner for him if I can when he comes home each day. I feel guilty that he works so hard and is the bread winner.
((hugs)) to us all.

I want to say I am sorry I haven't been around.
I am still having home health nurses come to my place every day to clean and dress/drain my open wound/stitches from my c section. Its not infected and it is healing but damn, its been a month now of home health nurses and I am tired of being a shut-in for the most part.:
My wound was 5 1/2 cm in the beginning and now, its 1/2 a cm...yay!
I feel good though.
My 6 wk. post partum visit is this friday.
I also have a derm. appt. this thursday...been having this crazy itchy rash across my low stomach and hips and tops of breasts. I have no idea what it is but it feels like poison ivy.
Even Benedryl and hydrocortisone cream does very little. Anyone else hear of this or have this?

I see y'all are discussing baby wearing...I feel happy that Jasper likes being carried b/c I can't lift our heavy-assed car seat. Its a Peg Perego and is a ton o bricks. I am only supposed to carry the weight of the baby for now anyway.
We have an Ergo (for my DH) with infant insert, a Zolowear ring sling (Jasper is not too fond of the sling style it seems), a Moby-like wrap (he loves this! I think its worth it to learn how to get the baby settled in this b/c they will sleep for 2-3 hours in this. Jasper went to the movies with me- we saw Twilight at the Mommy & Me screening last week- and he slept in the wrap on me for 3 hours w/o a peep!) and I just got a Kozy Mei Tai he loves as well.
Here is him in the meitai...
http://i36.tinypic.com/do9c9l.jpg
http://i37.tinypic.com/35i38m0.jpg

I will try to come by more often. I missed you all.
Here are my favorite newer snaps of him...
http://i33.tinypic.com/25h33gj.jpg
http://i35.tinypic.com/2whp4zp.jpg
http://i34.tinypic.com/oktov8.jpg

He is such an expressive little boy. He loves to "read" his black and white board books, has such focus and when we say " I love you" to him, he tries to say something back that sounds like mutterings but is 3 syllables! He smiles so big when I sing to him too. Awww. Makes all of it worth it.

[TaraRae82]

^Thanks for the suggestions! I'm actually wanting Ally Rae to only accept my breast so pumping a bottle a day isn't an option for us. I'm definitely going to talk to DH about all of this when he gets back in town (business trip until Thurs night...ugh, I hate that he travels so much).

I do have to give him credit for the fact that he does ALL of the cooking and really enjoys trying and coming up with new recipes.

OrchideZ, those pics are a hoot!!! What a camera ham he is!

[mamanurse]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

Wow! I had no idea that so many of you guys don't like wraps! I thought I was a total MDC reject!

Right now I'm enjoying a nice everything bagel w/cream cheese and a cup of cinnamon hazelnut coffee with vanilla creamer. This coffee is delicious. It's like having the Christmas season all warmed up in a cup. I feel quite good today. I'm just going to run with it.

I hate wraps too Carrie and that coffee sounds damn good

Originally Posted by sonshine_rae

Okay.... I think I will try to re-calculate it to make sure my math is right but ummm girls?

I tried that PPD survey/questionaire thingie...... and I scored a 76???? eeksss

I already have an appointment to see my family doctor tomorrow to discuss my anti-depressant, but I didn't realize I might be this bad off .

Glad you're on it Rae! I hope you find a solution that works for you and we're all here to support you if needed.

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

I feel like I need more help in the evenings when she's fussy because I've been caring for her all day long. But, he's been working hard at the office all day and has a very stressful job and she doesn't want him when she's fussy and I don't do well hearing her fuss when someone else has her. It's a double-edged sword. *sigh* I could also use some help overnight but again, what can he do then?? I have the boobs! Plus, I don't have to get up in the morning (aside from Ally's demands) and can nap during the day with her and he has to get up early to get to the office for his meetings so I feel bad asking him to help when he needs his sleep. I feel guilty asking for any help because he works really hard to bring in our only income and it's a great income. I feel like that's his job. My job is to be Mommy. Although, just to play devil's advocate and talk this out outloud, I care for Ally Rae for probably 23 hours out of the day and would it be fair to ask him to help on the weekends even though that's his only opportunity to sleep in? I'm so torn and have no idea what's reasonable for me to ask of him. I wish he weren't so busy at work and could be home at a normal time instead of 8pm like it's been since she was born. I almost feel like a single parent who just happens to be married.

Being a SAHM is one of the most difficult jobs around. You don't get periodic breaks during the day like you would at a "for money" job. When baby is asleep, you're probably doing housework or something homemakerish. Kinda like what I'm doing. If your dh needs a break in the evening, let him have one. Maybe being handed a baby right when he gets home isn't fair, but surely after dinner is eaten and he's had some time to wind down would be okay. His job at work is WAY different than taking care of Ally Rae and he definitely gets periodic breaks. Whether they're business lunches, dinners, or whatever they're still change from what he does all day. He also needs time to connect with his daughter even though mommy is probably who she wants.

Originally Posted by crosscat

So DH does all of this and works a very demanding job, too. He never complains ever when I ask him to do something because he understands what a hard job SAHM can be and he loves opportunities to do stuff with Calla.

Is it possible to clone your dh into a potion so I can sneek it into mine? Is he older (read more mature)? I find that the older dads do better with the whole assuming both "jobs" than the younger variety.

Originally Posted by OrchideZ

I want to say I am sorry I haven't been around.
I am still having home health nurses come to my place every day to clean and dress/drain my open wound/stitches from my c section. Its not infected and it is healing but damn, its been a month now of home health nurses and I am tired of being a shut-in for the most part.:
My wound was 5 1/2 cm in the beginning and now, its 1/2 a cm...yay!
I feel good though.
My 6 wk. post partum visit is this friday.
I also have a derm. appt. this thursday...been having this crazy itchy rash across my low stomach and hips and tops of breasts. I have no idea what it is but it feels like poison ivy.
Even Benedryl and hydrocortisone cream does very little. Anyone else hear of this or have this?

That sounds miserable. I'm glad your wound isn't infected and that it's healing so well. Hopefully you won't be homebound much longer.

[myrmom]

OMG I got my ppd haircut today and man do I feel like a new woman!!! I suggest all you Mama's get something wonderful done for yourself!"!!

[Changed]

Cute pics Orchidez!

[Faerieshadow]

Originally Posted by mamanurse

Being a SAHM is one of the most difficult jobs around. You don't get periodic breaks during the day like you would at a "for money" job. When baby is asleep, you're probably doing housework or something homemakerish. Kinda like what I'm doing. If your dh needs a break in the evening, let him have one. Maybe being handed a baby right when he gets home isn't fair, but surely after dinner is eaten and he's had some time to wind down would be okay. His job at work is WAY different than taking care of Ally Rae and he definitely gets periodic breaks. Whether they're business lunches, dinners, or whatever they're still change from what he does all day. He also needs time to connect with his daughter even though mommy is probably who she wants.

That's exactly what I was going to say...

and as far as the weekend sleeping in thing, I fully believe in taking turns. Each of you should get one of the days to sleep in a little - just because you don't leave the house for your job doesn't mean you don't need some recuperating time too. And you know what.. sometimes it is just a case of, not who needs it, but who needs it the most at that particular time. DH and I have gotten pretty good at that. There are times I'm exhausted and cranky, but I know DH had several night calls at work and is dead on his feet, and that's when I cater to him a little. There are also plenty of times when he does the same for me even if he's exhausted.

Also, don't fall into the trap of not giving the baby to DH because she probably wants mama anyway - that will bite you in the behind down the road. With my first, my ex was working so much and going to school, so I was ds's everything. As he got older that became really difficult, up until he was about a year and a half he wouldn't go to anyone else but me for comfort, for bedtime, etc. Daddies definitely need time too, even now when the little ones don't do much.

[crosscat]

mamanurse: I'd rent DH out if I didn't keep him so busy! We've been together since 1992, so we know each other really well. He may be older than some daddies; he's about to be 37. Not to take any credit away from him, because I do think he is flippin' awesome, but I give him opportunities to be awesome by letting him know what I need and how I feel. The fact that he listens and helps is all him.

OrchideZ Great to hear from you here. The pics are adorable! Hope your rash is better soon. I hear you on the Peg Perego being heavy!!! Try toting around a 14 pounder in there! Babywearing rocks.

I agree learning a wrap is worth it. I hated my moby at first and never used it. I watched vids on youtube and my doula helped me. Now it's my favorite to use, though I still love my babyhawk and I'm learning to love my peanut shell (got a friend bringing me a hotsling who's going to help me get the hang of pouches/slings).

AAM: Calla is getting so big (14.4 pounds yesterday), and strong (she holds her head up for really long periods of time), and cute (she initiates smiling/giggling sessions with me now instead of just returning smiles).

Nothing else to report here really. SSDD. I keep meaning to venture out of the house, but feel a bit intimidated by the weather, holiday shoppers, etc...

[neveryoumindthere]

So of course today I feel like crap and I feel like I need to head to the doctors for a thyroid test and ask for a rx of Zoloft. Ds was up sooo much last night and I got barely a couple hours of sleep altogether, not even consecutively (sp?)
I'm so exhausted and can't deal with my girls. I hate this house and how tiny it is. I hate how dh now tells me we are not moving when he could have told me MONTHS ago so I could stop stressing and searching for a place. I hate that my kids have no other kids around to play with. I hate living in timbucktoo with no transportation so I could *take* my kids somehwere to play. I hate how active my 3 yo is and feel so bad I have no way of taking her somewhere to get that energy out. I hate how mopey and "blase" my 5yo is(yes, she told me she feels blase and this is just a blase day) and I just can't deal with everyone's "issues"! and of course ds is crying yet again..

UGH

hope everyone has a better day than i am :

[sonshine_rae]

Well girls I'm back from my appointment now.

I talked with my doctor, and had him read the ppd questionaire that I had printed out, and his eyebrows went up a bit, and he asked to copy it for himself even. He took things pretty seriously and put me on an additional anti-depressant that works differently then the one I've been on, so that together they would get me better. But he warned it would take a few days to work me onto this new med, and it wouldn't do anything but give me side effects at first (fun). But later it should help lift my moods and as he said 'tune me up' haha.

I had a really rough evening last night DH and I weren't getting along (rare for us) I think it was my depression and his having so much work here lately just not a good mix. I ended up bawling right along with the baby who was screaming his head off..... ugh!

Today I'm exhausted, and overwhelmed. I'm glad this appointment is over with, I was dreading it and had to force myself to go to it.... sigh it's just not something I like to 'deal with' of course .

I think I may be letting the kids watch movies today....>> I hate doing that but .... I'm not a very capable parent right now..... so it's better then getting mad at them or falling apart....

[Amber Lion]

I have to give my Dh some credit, he's been offering more and more help. He really loves interacting with Addie; he hates that he has to go off to work everyday and miss out on time with her. I think being a SAHM is just exhausting though, so even a little break doesn't seem like enough. He always takes her for a while when he gets home and will take her also when I ask him to; it just doesn't seem like a big enough break sometimes, especially after a trying day.

OrchideZ - so good to hear from you!! We've been talking about Dh giving her one feeding in the bottle in the evening, I think I'm going to suggest it again. She's gotten good with the bottle and I've got a little stash... there's no reason he can't take the midnight feeding (he stays up later than I do) and I can have a chance to sleep a bit more.

AAM: I've got a cold. : It's miserable trying to take care of someone else while you're sick; my first experience of Mommy sickdom! I don't know if Addie is feeling yucky too, or she's entering her 6 week growth spurt, or she's making up for being left last night... but she's being super clingy and fussy and nursing REALLY often. Doesn't make it easier when I've got a sore throat and a runny nose.

As for last night, it went really well! I only thought about turning back 1 million times the whole way to the concert (1.5 hrs away), but once I was there and called my doula (and was reassured that she was perfectly content) I felt better and enjoyed the evening. The music was AWESOME and it was fun to get out with just Dh and I for the first time since she was born. She apparently was a little darling, ate from the bottle like a champ, and passed out often. My boobs got super engorged though b/c I didn't realize how many batteries my pump needed so didn't pump the whole 6 hrs I was away... then she was asleep when we picked her up but I figured given the last time she ate she'd wake up pretty soon so I didn't pump when I got home either. Nope! We picked her up at midnight, she'd last eaten at 9:30... and she didn't wake up to eat until almost 5! Needless to say she was screaming in Dh's arms while I desperately tried to get my boob soft enough she'd be able to latch on.

[TaraRae82]

Thanks for all the support with the problem I'm creating with DH. I'm going to implement your ideas when he gets home on Thursday night. Maybe he'll be more responsive too it then since he's been gone all week aka, hasn't seen Ally Rae since he kissed us goodbye Mon morning.

mamanurse, I got my haircut yesterday too. Unfortunately, I don't feel better.....ugh. I'm a little disappointed by it really. It's WAY too short, by an inch at least and in a bob cut that's a lot of length. I had to schedule with a different stylist since mine is on mat leave. I thought it was going to work out fine since she shaped it perfectly but I went to pull back the front of it so I could workout last night and it's too short for a little ponytail! I leave it angled in the front with a little length for that purpose! Sheesh.

We had a rough night last night. Ally didn't go to sleep until 1am and then was awake and happy/smiling/coo'ing at 4:45am. : I was NOT in a good mood. She finally went back to sleep about 8am and slept until noon, thank goodness. I REALLY needed those few hours of sleep. She's bouncing in her bouncy seat and talking to our Christmas tree right now. It's awfully cute! I'm glad I got enough sleep that I can enjoy watching her do that.

[sonshine_rae]

neveryoumindthere *Big Hugs* Wish I could help somehow...

[TaraRae82]

Originally Posted by neveryoumindthere

So of course today I feel like crap and I feel like I need to head to the doctors for a thyroid test and ask for a rx of Zoloft. Ds was up sooo much last night and I got barely a couple hours of sleep altogether, not even consecutively (sp?)
I'm so exhausted and can't deal with my girls. I hate this house and how tiny it is. I hate how dh now tells me we are not moving when he could have told me MONTHS ago so I could stop stressing and searching for a place. I hate that my kids have no other kids around to play with. I hate living in timbucktoo with no transportation so I could *take* my kids somehwere to play. I hate how active my 3 yo is and feel so bad I have no way of taking her somewhere to get that energy out. I hate how mopey and "blase" my 5yo is(yes, she told me she feels blase and this is just a blase day) and I just can't deal with everyone's "issues"! and of course ds is crying yet again..

UGH

hope everyone has a better day than i am :

Oh, I'm so sorry you've got it rough today. Sounds like a lot of us are in a way right now.

Rae, I'm glad to hear your appt went well and you're on your way to better feelings!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by Amber Lion

My boobs got super engorged though b/c I didn't realize how many batteries my pump needed so didn't pump the whole 6 hrs I was away... then she was asleep when we picked her up but I figured given the last time she ate she'd wake up pretty soon so I didn't pump when I got home either.

That's what I fear the most about leaving Nora for that long. I know she'd be fine, but I'd suffer w/o pumping! And who wants to pump at a concert? I'm so glad you had a good time despite the engorged boobs! And sorry you're feeling sick.

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

mamanurse, I got my haircut yesterday too. Unfortunately, I don't feel better.....ugh. I'm a little disappointed by it really. It's WAY too short, by an inch at least and in a bob cut that's a lot of length. I had to schedule with a different stylist since mine is on mat leave. I thought it was going to work out fine since she shaped it perfectly but I went to pull back the front of it so I could workout last night and it's too short for a little ponytail! I leave it angled in the front with a little length for that purpose! Sheesh.

We had a rough night last night. Ally didn't go to sleep until 1am and then was awake and happy/smiling/coo'ing at 4:45am. : I was NOT in a good mood. She finally went back to sleep about 8am and slept until noon, thank goodness. I REALLY needed those few hours of sleep. She's bouncing in her bouncy seat and talking to our Christmas tree right now. It's awfully cute! I'm glad I got enough sleep that I can enjoy watching her do that.

Ugh, I'm so sorry about your hair. I got my hair cut and colored last week by the same woman who has done my hair for years. Apparently, "just a trim" is almost an inch off, b/c my hair is short and I don't like it. And the color is less than thrilling, I think I need to throw in some caramel highlights. So I feel your pain.

Sorry about your rough night, too. We are all struggling with these growing pains, I think.

AAM - Nora had her first vax yesterday and had a restless night. She slept, but only on me so we took the couch and DH took the bed. I think I woke every hour all night long, and then she woke up with a facefull of smiles at 8. Lucky for me she went right back to sleep after eating and we slept (apart) until 12:30. I needed that sleep so much.

Is it wrong that I just don't feel like showering today? I feel like I'm always rushing to get something done while Nora naps, but today I feel like sitting here and relaxing while she naps. I bet I'll regret it later, lol, but whatever. I just want to drink my coffee and watch tv for a bit, and not DO SOMETHING with my "free time".

[sonshine_rae]

Tara I'm sorry your night was so rough..... sigh seems like we are all taking our turns for a 'rough night' here lately (((hugs)))))

Carrie... it's fine to do 'nothing' with your free time.. in fact somedays I think it's essential!

Well I hear the baby..... gotta go!

[neveryoumindthere]

Originally Posted by sonshine_rae

Well girls I'm back from my appointment now.

I talked with my doctor, and had him read the ppd questionaire that I had printed out, and his eyebrows went up a bit, and he asked to copy it for himself even. He took things pretty seriously and put me on an additional anti-depressant that works differently then the one I've been on, so that together they would get me better. But he warned it would take a few days to work me onto this new med, and it wouldn't do anything but give me side effects at first (fun). But later it should help lift my moods and as he said 'tune me up' haha.

I had a really rough evening last night DH and I weren't getting along (rare for us) I think it was my depression and his having so much work here lately just not a good mix. I ended up bawling right along with the baby who was screaming his head off..... ugh!

Today I'm exhausted, and overwhelmed. I'm glad this appointment is over with, I was dreading it and had to force myself to go to it.... sigh it's just not something I like to 'deal with' of course .

I think I may be letting the kids watch movies today....>> I hate doing that but .... I'm not a very capable parent right now..... so it's better then getting mad at them or falling apart....

^This. My girls are watching a movie upstairs right now. I fake cleaned the living room and came downstairs-- threw EVERYTHING in the playpen so that the couches and floor were totally clear and then vacuumed. Also, most of the dishes are in the dishwasher and I swept the kitchen floor. At least when I head back up there won't be a disaster area waiting for me.

edited to add: I'm so 'out of it'. I meant to ask you sonshine-rae, if you don't mind sharing, which meds you're taking?
I was on zoloft before in highschool and did REALLy bad on it, went on effexor instead and it was AWESOME, but I know zoloft is the safest if you are bf.

[TaraRae82]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

That's what I fear the most about leaving Nora for that long. I know she'd be fine, but I'd suffer w/o pumping! And who wants to pump at a concert? I'm so glad you had a good time despite the engorged boobs! And sorry you're feeling sick.



Ugh, I'm so sorry about your hair. I got my hair cut and colored last week by the same woman who has done my hair for years. Apparently, "just a trim" is almost an inch off, b/c my hair is short and I don't like it. And the color is less than thrilling, I think I need to throw in some caramel highlights. So I feel your pain.

Sorry about your rough night, too. We are all struggling with these growing pains, I think.

AAM - Nora had her first vax yesterday and had a restless night. She slept, but only on me so we took the couch and DH took the bed. I think I woke every hour all night long, and then she woke up with a facefull of smiles at 8. Lucky for me she went right back to sleep after eating and we slept (apart) until 12:30. I needed that sleep so much.

Is it wrong that I just don't feel like showering today? I feel like I'm always rushing to get something done while Nora naps, but today I feel like sitting here and relaxing while she naps. I bet I'll regret it later, lol, but whatever. I just want to drink my coffee and watch tv for a bit, and not DO SOMETHING with my "free time".

Absolutely fine to do nothing during free time! I'm the exact opposite though....if I could get Ally Rae to nap w/o me I'd be in the shower! But then again, she is always attached to me so if I get a shower it's not until my Mom comes to see Ally or if DH can keep her occupied for a few. Trying to get ready for date night on Fridays is always a challenge! We haven't been able to get to dinner until after 8 because I can't shower or style my hair while BW'ing. I wear her pretty much all day beacuse otherwise I just can't get anything done.

Enjoy your coffee Carrie. I'd kill for a cup of something fancy, warm, Christmas-y right now. Hot apple cider with Hot Damn sounds good too...

[mamanurse]

Originally Posted by crosscat

mamanurse: I'd rent DH out if I didn't keep him so busy! We've been together since 1992, so we know each other really well. He may be older than some daddies; he's about to be 37. Not to take any credit away from him, because I do think he is flippin' awesome, but I give him opportunities to be awesome by letting him know what I need and how I feel. The fact that he listens and helps is all him.

Mine's 28. I'm glad you 'trained" him. You guys are fortunar=te to have such an awesome relationship.

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

Oh, I'm so sorry you've got it rough today. Sounds like a lot of us are in a way right now.

Rae, I'm glad to hear your appt went well and you're on your way to better feelings!

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

Trying to get ready for date night on Fridays is always a challenge! We haven't been able to get to dinner until after 8 because I can't shower or style my hair while BW'ing. I wear her pretty much all day beacuse otherwise I just can't get anything done.

Insert jealous smiley re the date night

I'd go cuckoo wearing Hazel that much. You're a saint. A strong saint

[Baby_Cakes]

I agree, Tara, you are a BWing goddess. I don't see how you get anything done while BWing. I feel like I can't do anything with Nora on me. BWing only works outside the home for us, and honestly, I haven't mastered that yet b/c of the cold weather. If she's in her seat in normal clothes, how do you get from the car to the place you're going w/o her freezing? Especially using a Bjorn, not a wrap? I don't want a BW coat, they're so bulky. And not to mention, I've got my own coat on, do I put the baby carrier under that? So I've got to stand by the car for 5 minutes getting situated, and then wake her up by taking her out of the carseat?

I'm all for babywearing, but the logistics are just so beyond me. :

Inside the house, I can't wash dishes b/c I feel like she's in the way, I can't bend over to clean things up b/c I feel like I'm flinging her around. I say if you can get it to work, hallelujah. But I find it's 100 times easier for me to put her down for her nap and then get stuff done.

My other dilemma is I'm definitely not eating enough. I'm starting to get those faint bruises that I used to get when I had my ED, meaning I'm totally malnourished. Geez. What the hell!? I need to eat! :

ETA: I too am jealous of Date Nite. I think I need to implement these and have Grandma watch Nora once a week.

[TaraRae82]

Haha! You all are too funny. I find I'm the best Mommy I can be if I'm wearing her....otherwise I get impatient and resentful that I can't do anything beacuse she's so needy these days. I do have a hard time doing things like laundry simply because she comes between me and the washer when I try to move clothes to the dryer and bending over/squatting down to take care of the dishwasher is a b!t(h. But, other than that, I really enjoy wearing her for the majority of the day. Granted, I don't nurse her in it so she comes out to eat but that's only because I don't wear nursing tops. She does the majority of her nursing overnight anyway (side lying thank goodness!). You all make me feel so good about my ability to wear her! It doesn't seem hard to me so it's kind of nice to be acknowledged like that!

ETA: Our Date Night isn't really a date night in the true sense. Ally Rae goes with. I just can't leave her yet! So, we just go to dinner and she normally sleeps through it but we don't dilly-dally quite like we used to. It's still good though and we need the night out. We promised each other that having children wouldn't take away our date night because we are firm believers that a night together away from home is super important for our marriage.