The unwanted gifts have begun - Page 2

[AuntLavender]

Um this is slightly OT but with regards to the Power Wheels thing-y

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml99/99012.html (Old one)

http://babyparenting.about.com/b/200...s-recalled.htm (Newer one)

I forgot to post how these things are fire hazards!

[AuntLavender]

My youngest has PDD-NOS and my oldest AS

so we simply cannot have certain toys like those building toys with magnets in them that if a child swallows them will twist his intestines and kill him? Yeah, we can't have those.

Yes my youngest is 5 1/2 but he cannot have toys for children over 3. He still puts everything in his mouth. I know that makes shopping inconvenient for you when you cannot buy whatever you want to!

In my house if an item is unsafe out it goes (trash/thrift store/etc. depending on the item). I don't return items. I have no idea where they get their lead coated MIC items!?!

My children also get anxious if they get too many toys! LOL!

[KayleeZoo]

I agree with what UUMom had to say. Our kids get gifts that I would not choose- but they are given with love for my kids, and that's what's most important about a gift (safety notwithstanding- I would absolutely not give my kid a toy that could hurt them, as a PP w/SN kiddos mentioned). Nobody dies or is permanantly psychologically injured from playing with plastic toys once in awhile. I can't see hurting a grandparent's feelings over a toy given in the holiday spirit. Stuff like that quietly gets donated after the newness wears off- the kids are happy to have played with, grandma is happy because she sees a picture of her child playing with the gift she chose, and I'm sure some child whose parents shop at Savers is happy with the toy when it gets to them

[Maeve]

I'm sorry, but I think it was incredibly disrespectful for her to go out and buy the exact same type of toys you said you were getting your dd. I would be furious.
I'm not fond of many of the things my parents and in-laws get the kids, many of which end up getting donated within a month or so because they don't get played with. They seem to think they know better than we do what the girls like, but they have always made sure not to get them what we got them. Kwim? And in fact, my parents are slowly getting better about it.

Too be honest, I don't know what I would do. Part of me would be tempted to call mil up and say "Oh, you must not have realized we already got her a doll, etc for xmas so if it's ok we would like to exchange them.". Or just let her open them up, snap some pics, wait a week and then donate them.
Or if they live close enough to visit now and then, take them there and leave them for her to play with when visiting.

[bobandjess99]

getting crappy plastic toys..I would be fine with that.
Getting just tons and tons of toys..okay, that too, i could deal.
I would not make a fight over parenting differences or decluttering issues, etc.

however, for me, the issue would be that if I had specifically told someone that *I* was getting my child a doll and accesory set, and they went behind my back and got the exact same thing, it is a matter of disrespect. and people who want to see or talk to my child or myself treat me with respect. I would call and bring it up, saying something like"i looked at the gift, but was a little surprised...do you not remember the conversation we had (insert "at your house/two months ago/just before Halloween", etc) when I told you that I/we were getting dd a doll and stroller, etc??
Thebn, it would depend on the answer......did this person truly not hear or remember??? Okay, then I would politely say that unfortunately you have already gotten dd a set and ask if they would like you to return the gift to them so they can choose something else, or if they would like you to return it and choose something else yourself?
If it becomes clear they DID remember what was said, but bought it anyway....first they'd get a stern, firm earful reminding them about how we treat people with respect and how trying to usurp our child's xmas gift is just RUDE and then offer the same options. Or offer to send it back so it can be payed with AT gramma's house, if that happens often.

[UUMom]

Where is it written that a child can't have various dolls? I know some kids don't love dolls (I have two girls who have never played with dolls, which I have to say bums me out. lol) When I was a kid, I adored my dolls. The more sibs they had, the merrier. I spent hours, nay, years and years playing with my dolls. I favored none, loved them all.

Well, ok. I did favour one a bit. Her name was Hiedi, and she was sweet, and most special. But she had Nina and Stacy and Beth and Sunshine and well, just a bunch of sisters! lol :

I think it's better to err on the side of being less controlling with kids toys, rather than more. Unless a grannie gives a kid something with sharp pointy lead pieces or something.

No kid likes his/her mother messing with his play needs. It's not relationship -building. It doesn't foster trust. If it's all about the emotional connection, I would list respecting a child's personal gifts and play needs right at the tippy top.

[karne]

Well, it seems pretty common to buy little girls dolls, so perhaps this was not quite a malicious or undermining act? When my first dd was younger she received many dolls, and I know that the older adults loved the chance to buy dolls, whether they were approved by me or not. Sort of a re-living childhood. Also, the relationship is really with the child, and not the adult-your mom is giving your dd a gift of a doll, not you. Why make it into a competition when it doesn't have to be?

And if this is truly about de-cluttering, which I am not clear it is entirely, why not wrap up the doll and donate it somewhere where there might be a child without a grandparent to send them a gift? If you feel the need to make a point with you mom this might be less hurtful than returning one gift (thing) for another gift (thing). Maybe an opportunity to help your dd understand that while she may not have her grandmother's gift, someone else may joyfully receive it and be grateful.

[KayleeZoo]

Why would you only want your DD to have one doll? : I wish my girls would have played with dolls; I had many and remember playing with them until I was 11 or 12 years old. One of my DDs loves Disney Princess Barbies, though, and my mom and I are actually splitting them up for Christmas- she'll get them from both of us, it's cheaper for each person that way. I don't understand the proprietary feeling towards the gift you picked; unless you're worried that your DD will like the plastic one from grandma more?

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by KayleeZoo

Why would you only want your DD to have one doll? : I wish my girls would have played with dolls; I had many and remember playing with them until I was 11 or 12 years old. One of my DDs loves Disney Princess Barbies, though, and my mom and I are actually splitting them up for Christmas- she'll get them from both of us, it's cheaper for each person that way. I don't understand the proprietary feeling towards the gift you picked; unless you're worried that your DD will like the plastic one from grandma more?

Are we, like , the same person?!?!?

I adored dollies, and my girls...do not. It's sort of a bummer. lol

I mean, I totally respect who my dds are...but wow, my kingdom for carte- blanche on the doll- buying. lol

I begged my dds to want the homeschooling doll that American Girl put out a couple of years ago. I was like "Girls! She looks like you. She is our family!" At one point one of my dds (6 at the time) said "Mummy, you love dolls, you should get that doll for yourself. We are just not into dolls. That's OK".

Whatevah.

My kid was right, but I couldn't see buying a doll to do ....nothing... lol

I'll say straight up-- I live in a tiny house. But gosh, toys. Toys are like so brief in a kid's life. Some of us have kids not into toys, and some of us have kids who enjoy toys. I would want my kid to say "My folks were a bit confused by my toy choices, but my childhood was awesome because they respected me even if they didn't totally get it" rather than "My parents hated what I liked to play with. I always felt judged by them. Even my toy choices and needs totally dissapointed them".

Make room, I say. Don't be the person with the plastic on the sofa!

Just as our parents or grandparents vented about their bums sticking to the plastic on the couches, so will our children document our angst over the toys that cluttered up their parents homes.

At some point, an MDC kid will post, somewhere, about how decluttering made him/her feel guilty about certain toys. "I knew my mother hated my grandmother for sending me my favorite toy. I knew I my mother was upset that I love the peeing dollie/the Nerf Dartboard. I always felt so guilty. It would have been so peaceful to have been able to play with certain toys without worrying my mother was mad at me".

[Maeve]

I don't see anything wrong with having more than 1 doll, my kids do, but why would you buy an entire doll set when you know that the parents are already getting them?

[karne]

[QUOTE=UUMom;12721871

Make room, I say. Don't be the person with the plastic on the sofa!
[/QUOTE]


I love this! I think it should go on a bumper sticker!

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by karne

I love this! I think it should go on a bumper sticker!

lol

But seriously.

Can you imagine the spoofs kids in the future will be able to wite about their parents strict rules about wood and wool toys?

I am waiting for the first article on Salon about how someone's parents forbade plastic toys and how the kid tried to get certain toy fixes in the basement, shed, or garage.

Or how they free-based Lego at friends' homes.

[annettemarie]

UUMom, you would probably like a little booklet called "Confessions of a Waldorf Parent."

But seriously, as fun as it is to create a caricature of an over-controlling mother who thinks plastic is the devil and screams "No plastic dolls EVER" a la Joan Crawford while chucking the offending toy at the gift giver, the truth of the matter is, different parents have differing philosophies on these things. I don't think the OP is being terribly unreasonable saying she's uncomfortable being given a gift that was knowingly given as a duplicate of something she herself was buying her child.

Learning to accept a gift graciously-- OK, I can get behind that. My older kids (the 9 and 7 and even 5 year old) know that even if they don't like or want a gift, or if it's a duplicate, they're to smile and say "Thank you" nicely and we'll straighten things out later. But the OPs kid is 2. My almost-two plays with the paper and doesn't even know there is a gift. And people exchange gifts all the time. It's really not unheard of. Unless it's done in a completely obnoxious manner, I don't see it as a relationship breaker. Maybe I'm just blessed with a family that's not easily offended, though.

And I don't think a plastic-hating mama would cover her couch with plastic. Maybe long strips of 100% wool felt?

[hanno]

Originally Posted by Andee

I was on the giving side of the equation once, giving a gift to a friends' child. I didn't know about their toy preferences (because they never told me) and gave a cute little stuffed duckie that giggles. In retrospect I could see it being an annoying toy, but the expressions on their faces that said "yeah, that's getting returned" was extremely hurtful. But, Given the OP's situation I think that the gift was inappropriate. I would talk with the giver before returning it though. At least that way they would be semi-clear on the situation and maybe even be able to pick out something new themselves.

: I suck
I'm really sorry.

[karne]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

UUMom

And I don't think a plastic-hating mama would cover her couch with plastic. Maybe long strips of 100% wool felt?

This is cracking me up.

I can only make these comments because I have personally gone to the mat with my family over a Baby Alive, which as some of you might know, is NOT a waldorf doll. I get it. I am a recent convert to loosening up, which had to happen to preserve and respect family relationships. I am happier for it, but I know that's not for everyone. When my dd was two years old I certainly was in the op's place, so I get it.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

[

And I don't think a plastic-hating mama would cover her couch with plastic. Maybe long strips of 100% wool felt?

hey! lol! I love my Waldorf sutff (which I've never forced on the kids) , so no article needed, but this is exactly what I am saying! lol Anything your parents whole -heartedly embraced can be fodder for a funny book or article.

Yesterday, plastic on the sofa, tomorrow, the wool fetish.

It's never a safe thing to think your kids will think your stuff is cooler that your parents thought their stuff was.

Many of our parents through they were way-cool with their rust-colored appliances, clay ashtrays, macrame, one-handed gloves, mall bangs etc etc.

Now, of course I'd like to think that woolen toys with natural dyes would stand the test of time...but I would not put it past someone who resented his/her parents control over their playthings to write quite the expose if he/she felt marginalized.

I am hoping people are keeping their kids' emotional needs in mind as they choose their particular parenting hills to die on. I'm totally with you, in spirit, AM. Just in practice, it's not always so tidy.

[grniys]

Did maybe your mom buy the doll stuff before she knew you were buying a doll for your daughter? Is it possible she forgot that your were also buying one? Things slip my mind so, so often.

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by karne

This is cracking me up.

I can only make these comments because I have personally gone to the mat with my family over a Baby Alive, which as some of you might know, is NOT a waldorf doll. I get it. I am a recent convert to loosening up, which had to happen to preserve and respect family relationships. I am happier for it, but I know that's not for everyone. When my dd was two years old I certainly was in the op's place, so I get it.

I remember worrying about a bathing suit my oldest had that had lycra in it. My mother was like, "Sweetie, if it's 100% cotton, it will take forever to dry". I was furious with her for pointing that out, even though she was super-gentle about it.

[nascarbebe]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I'm guessing, since this is the decluttering forum, that it's not just a matter of the toys not suiting the parents' philosophies, but also the fact that their daughter would end up with a double set of something she was getting for Christmas, instead of something different she could actually use. I'd be frustrated if I told my parents I was getting my kid something and they got basically the same thing too.

That said, I gave up fighting the battle two or three kids ago. I smile, nod, let them open it if the grandparents are here, and then just quietly get rid of it a few weeks down the road. If they don't open it, I return it, which is probably what I would do in this case.

same here. i'm not as a control freak as before. when I get a crappy gift I let DS play with it for a while then pass it on to a friend or relative. dh's family loves cheap MIC toys. they just don't get that I prefer a few well-made toys

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by nascarbebe

same here. i'm not as a control freak as before. when I get a crappy gift I let DS play with it for a while then pass it on to a friend or relative. dh's family loves cheap MIC toys. they just don't get that I prefer a few well-made toys

Well I do too...prefer the well made over the crapola, I mean. But we have to let our kids in on it as well. Our connections and relationships with our kids will be affected if we try to control all gift-giving, or take toys away from our children that they might enjoy. The may grow to resent our interference. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but it is a game we ought not to play. IMo. Of course. :