December dating thread!!! - Page 8

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by emma_goldman

I'm realizing that there are lots of changes going on here -my BF and I are falling *deeper* in love...

I've been having twinges of guilt about having something so heavy happen in the relationship department while i'm still married

Don't feel guilty. How often do you find yourself falling deeply in love with someone? Don't feel guilty about the timing. Love is a gift, whenever and however you find it.

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Anne2008

3 things happened on the phone call that I didn't really like. First he told me to check online for what's on at the cinema, to figure out what time we need to leave, get there, etc, and to pick the movie -he told me his movie type preferences but said I can choose. -I don't know if it's good that im the one organising it all, or if we could have done it together, but he is busy with work stuff so I guess that's just me being silly. -It just seemed a bit like he didnt care.

It all about the tone of voice. My DP would probably do the same but only because he wants me to decide and that's really nice of him. He wants to make sure he doesn't chose a film I might not enjoy.
The second thing....: he brought up that he wants to show me a picture of his ex girlfriend.....why?! I know im going to be very intimidated by her, I don't want to see. Then he said he hoped I didn't get offended or feel weird about him wanting to show me her, so he knows it's wrong to do that....but maybe it's in his culture? He said "I know some people get weird about talking about someones ex and seeing their picture, but I want us to share things." -Which I guess is kinda nice really.

NOT nice - that's not sharing that is forcing things on you. Anyway it's too soon for that type of thing. If she was the mother of his kids and you'd known each other for a long time it would be different. Red flag!

The third thing, the main thing, was that he said he wants to see me dance someday. I was like "huh?' He said "yeah I will put on the music channel on tv and I want you to dance" I said no im not doing that, and he was like "I like my girlfriend to dance for me" -and I said "well I dont dance for people, sorry"....I guess it was okay for him to ask, how was he supposed to know I wouldn't want to? Im sure plenty of women dance for their boyfriends, but im not one of them, im way too shy for that stuff. If he brings it up again, im not going to be happy because it will be like hes trying to pressure me.

The fact that he asked you to dance for him is the straw that broke the camel's back IMHO. That is really disrespectful. If you seemed like a really kinky person with tons of sex appeal it would be respectful and appropriate to suggest something like that. Now, I'm guessing that you are NOT kinky and I think it's highly inappropriate to suggest something like that when you haven't even had sex yet. I also think that you two are sexually incompatible – big time!

I urge you to break up with him now. Waiting is only going to make it much harder. I promise you that you'll find lovely men to date when you start looking. I personally think online dating is great because it enables you to be very selective according to whatever criteria you think set up. There are several books on the subject that will guide you through online dating and help you find the best sites and help you figure out the rules of dating, how to spot nice and serious guys and weed out the not so nice guys. Good luck Anne. You deserve a great guy who'll respect you for who you are and where you are at this point in your life.

I know you'll probably think I should end it right now and everything, I just wanted to vent to someone because that conversation wasn't very pleasant I really don't even want to go out anywhere with him after that.

Then don't do it. You have your answer right there! Hugs - I know it's not easy.

[guestmama9915]

Anne.. please don't feel that way. Good luck on your date. But there are so many ways to meet more people! Especially if you're feeling ready... The online dating thing is surprisingly working out well for me so far.

[AKA_PI]

Well, the dating thing still isn't going well for me. The guy I met that works in law enforcement is a clingy. We still haven't been out on actual date and I feel kinda bad because I haven't at least given him a shot there.

The older (white) and I gradually getting there. I am totally fine that we are of different races and so is he. I guess he was more concerned about me but like I told him, love has no color and sees no bounds. He's a great guy and I love our flirtous conversations.

My son's father is something else. I'm not going to get myself all riled up about the latest stupid stuff he's done but I'm trying ot handle it as best as I can...with my credit card.

I'm going to give the online dating thing one more shot and see what happens. Wish me luck

[Seie]

AKA PI: Good luck with the online dating. I met my guy online - but wrote with quite a few before I found someone I "clicked" with. So my advice would be - if it doesnt get interesting after a few letters - dont bother.

Tripleaces: Good luck getting the scarf - sounds interesting


Here I had a long talk on the phone with my guy today. We had part of "the talk" that needs to come at some point. In short the situation is as follows:
He is not the kind of person to fall in love over night like me - he is the "growing love" kind of person. He is very into me though and thinks it could well be long term. He even mentioned that - who knows - maybe we are the ones to grow old together. I thought that was pretty sweet.. He puzzles me - he really does.
We are meeting up again on friday - again he wants to meet out in town for a drink. I would much prefer to just meet at home, but he insists on getting to know me away from bedroom distractions. I am still not sure whether I should be insulted or flattered about that.. Right now I am probably a bit of both..

[emma_goldman]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

Don't feel guilty. How often do you find yourself falling deeply in love with someone? Don't feel guilty about the timing. Love is a gift, whenever and however you find it.

yeah that! thanks for reminding me!

[Anne2008]

My guy phoned me last night, much better conversation than the day before We talked about the cinema on thursday, he said he's looking forward to it He said we haven't seen eachother in over a week and he really wants to give me a big hug He also said it had been really nice talking to me

One kind of weird thing happened, im not sure if it's a bad thing or just him being insecure? -He joked about how I didn't text him yesterday and said he knows I never think about him, which ofcourse I said wasn't true....but I had noe xcuse for why I hadn't text him, I just said I was doing stuff. So Im going to make more effort to try to text him every day....I didn't want to before because I wasn't sure if he would like that or think I was sounding clingy or something, but now I know he wants me to, I will send one some days (-without him having to send one first I mean.)

TripleAces So glad your date went well! When are you seeing him again? Sounds promising!

AKA_PI Goodluck with the internet dating! -Can I ask how that guy is being clingy?

Seie I would definately take it as a compliment and a good sign him wanting to spend time with you outside of the bedroom! He has more interest in you than just sexually Hopefully you can do a bit of both though!

DanishMomthanks for your support and advice

[AKA_PI]

Annie2008 - The clingy guy is ALWAYS calling me, even during work hours to talk about absolutely nothing. He's always emailing me about nothing and forwarding me random pictures of him at fraternity events. It's just constant. If I respond to an email he sent about 3 hours ago, best believe he will respond to me immediately. I swear he sits with his email open.

[guestmama9915]

Originally Posted by AKA_PI

Annie2008 - The clingy guy is ALWAYS calling me, even during work hours to talk about absolutely nothing. He's always emailing me about nothing and forwarding me random pictures of him at fraternity events. It's just constant. If I respond to an email he sent about 3 hours ago, best believe he will respond to me immediately. I swear he sits with his email open.

Run, run away!

[Anne2008]

Yeah, I thought my guy was clingy like that at first, he was calling me a lot. Now..not so much.

Im a bit concerned about how often we are in contact. Can you ladies tell me how often you speak to your guys on the phone? And how often are you meeting up to see eachother?

I haven't seen him in over a week now, and he didn't bother to phone me last night, and im left feeling like this isn't going to work out because we aren't getting to know eachother. There doesn't seem to be enough face to face contact, and it's nowhere near the same on the phone, we both seem really quiet on the phone.

And with the school Christmas holidays about to start, I will not be able to see him for 2 weeks as DS will be with me constantly. It just feels like we should be seeing eachother maybe, twice a week? to get to know eachother better. I feel a bit frustrated.

[DanishMom]

Anne: It's difficult to give clear-cut guidelines as to how much you should see each other. When you talk about him it sounds almost as if the two of you have decided that you are in a relationship. IMO a relationship is when you are in love and the feelings are the reason for wanting to spend a lot of time together. I can see how it's difficult to get to spend time and get to know each other and if you can't spend time then how will you know if there is potential there? Sorry I don't have any solutions. In the beginning of my relationship, I would have my boyfriend come over when my son was a sleep but there was no fear of my son waking up. MY DP met my son after two weeks because I knew that it was a long term relationship.

If you really want to get to know him better I guess you could let him meet your son once and then have him visit after your son is a sleep for a couple of hours. Not to sleep at your place, just to talk.

[Seie]

Anne I agree with Danishmom. Happy to hear you had a pleasent conversation. Just dont let the good things rule out the warning signs that you get. It is very common in the beginning of abusive relationships that you get warning signs, but you overlook them because "he really does seem like a great guy - I must have misunderstood something".

I would be careful inviting that guy into my home just yet - considering he has been putting some pressure on you about kissing and dancing.. its just a feeling..

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Seie

I would be careful inviting that guy into my home just yet - considering he has been putting some pressure on you about kissing and dancing.. its just a feeling..

I agree - taking all the red flags into account I wouldn't invite him into your home either. Not yet.

[JohnnysGirl]

Looks like I overestimated the strength of a relatively new connection, and the guy that was in my life no longer cares to be, due to the long distance situation that exists and that he isn't willing to do anything about.
It happens.

I'm free now, so if I start dating anyone else, I'll let you know. I'm happy to continue to follow your guys' dramas!

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by DanishMom

I agree - taking all the red flags into account I wouldn't invite him into your home either. Not yet.

:

Seie and DM are so smart.

[guestmama9915]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

Looks like I overestimated the strength of a relatively new connection, and the guy that was in my life no longer cares to be, due to the long distance situation that exists and that he isn't willing to do anything about.
It happens.

I'm free now, so if I start dating anyone else, I'll let you know. I'm happy to continue to follow your guys' dramas!

Aww, sorry to hear about that, Butterflymom. Sometimes distance can really just be difficult for people. Good luck on the dating, keep us updated.

Anne, I agree w/ what others said! I'd be hesitant to invite him in at this point.

Seems my ex is *not* reading this, though even if he was I wouldn't mind, but a conversation today made it obvious he has not been.

So with that said, I'll spill a little more. Me and left scarf guy are likely hanging out tonight, I only say likely because I still don't know where we're meeting up at. If that doesn't happen, there's another guy I've been having a lot of reeeally long (4 hours!!) phone conversations with I'm itching to meet. The only thing is he's like 4 years younger than me, which isn't such a huge deal, but then I am reminded he's born in the 80s! Just weird. But he's totally cool, too...

Things are going well. I think I might be a little addicted to this dating thing...

[Anne2008]

Thanks ladies I'm definately not rushing to invite him over to my place. He still hasn't called me today, so im kind of annoyed about this whole thing. If he doesn't phone me by tonight, Im not going to bother going out to the cinema with him tomorrow. I just don't think it's very polite to not arrange the date which he was apparantly all happy about going on with me :

Im pretty sure he will call me tonight, but thing is, he will be expecting me to have arranged the whole thing, sorted out which movie we are going to see, what time it starts, what time we should meet up to get there for etc....and I haven't. If he had phoned me yesterday, he would know this. I don't have the local newspaper (used it for something), so I can't check times of movies in there, so I have been looking online at the CINEMA WEBSITE, and have found 2 suitable movies, however they don't say what time it's on thusday......so I need him to phone the cinema to ask what time the movie is playing for our date tomorrow. (He knows I dont make calls on my phone, so im not phoning the cinema, he can do it.)

Im guessing he might be annoyed about the fact I haven't completely arranged it all, but it's his fault he didnt know sooner since he didnt bother to phone me last night. Im going to ask him why he didnt phone me last night, if he was busy at work or something. I know I can't really be too mad about it, but the fact we are going on a date and he hasnt phoned me to make sure it's still going ahead and all arranged -which it ISN'T -annoys me.

I think im also going to tell him I feel like we aren't really together because we aren't seeing eachother enough. Im getting close to the point where I feel like saying to him, because of his job, which he works 12 hours a day, he isn't available to be in a relationship, he can't do it. Why should I have to put up with that? It doesn't feel fair. :

Butterflymom sorry to hear it didnt work out with your guy

[Seie]

Butterflymom Im sorry It doesnt quite shine through how you feel about it, but sending lots of thoughts and good wishes. It all sounded so good I hope you meet someone soon who can take your mind off the lost one

Anne: Good that you can be rational about things. I hope it works out for the best.

Just had an hour long phone conversation with my guy He really is the sweetest thing And may I add that he was the one to call me

[JohnnysGirl]

I must have imagined a connection with him that wasn't really there. : My heart is too big, methinks. I think I need to put a little bit of protection around my heart and not be so gullible in the future. I'm so dang trusting. I'm also so vulnerable right now, so alone, hurting for my children so much, that when I found someone who felt like a best friend as well as a lover, I really just melted into the relief of having someone important in my life when I really needed it. I need to just be my own strength and support and not reach out to anyone who perhaps is just in lust, but not really my friend, or not for more than 6 weeks anyways...

[guestmama9915]

Lots of butterflymom...