I need an opinion and some advice

[sednique]

I've been looking for a KD but that has been pretty hard.DH is infertile and his doc's can't do anything to solve this problem.we have been to sperm banks but frozen sperm has not worked for us.i've joined every yahoo group looking for a donor.my BFF boyfriend who is very close to us doesn't want to have kids.he has even made my BFF go on birth control so she won't get pregnant.BFF boyfriend says he loves kids but he's impatient with them and can't see himself bringing a kid into a world like this.they don't know that we have to use a donor because i've been to ashamed to tell to them.i was thinking since he don't want to ever use his swimmers why not give them to someone who needs them? but he may not feel them same.it's like i'm running out of options and i'm about to give up.i don't know if i should ask him.i think it would kill me if he says no.we really don't have any other male friends to ask.here's what i would like to know: how should i tell and ask them? i don't want to ruin my friendship with them,but i don't know what else to do other than give up.anyone got any advice?

[FtMPapa]

Get this book: The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth, by Stephanie Brill. Even though you're presumably not a lesbian, it has lots of good advice with regard to known donors.

I don't see how talking about it with your friends could hurt, but it's a potentially dicey situation to get yourself into, if you do conceive with his sperm.

[sednique]

thanks

thanks for your response

[MujerMamaMismo]

At one stage, I asked one of my best boy friends to donate sperm knowing he felt exactly the same way that your friends boyfriend feels. It was completely terrifying because I too was petrified of it ruining our friendship.

I think I actually prefaced the conversation with 'I have something to ask you and I'm terrified that it'll mean losing you...' - I'm a bit dramatic like that

Anyway, he said no. Straight away, without even thinking more about it. I was devastated and felt like I'd never be able to look at him again but fortunately he had the maturity to jump straight in and make me feel really comfortable and was completely understanding of my position. He gushed about what a great mum I will be and how much he can't wait to see me with a babe. I'm lucky - he knew all the right things to say.

His reason for declining was also very reasonable and mature - he said that although he doesn't want kids because he's not up for the commitment/responsibility, he thinks that he'd feel too responsible and would find it difficult to draw the line - both for himself and in terms of where he'd sit in our family. I imagine there are other men out there who could feel similarly.

It is a really really difficult conversation to have but if you go into it with maturity and confidence, you will survive it, regardless of the answer/outcome.

Incidentally, true to his word, he is probably the second most excited person (after my mother) about my babes imminent arrival (due in 2 weeks) and has been showering us with love, gifts and support.

Good luck.

[lexbeach]

I don't have any known donor advice, but wanted to mention that all frozen sperm is not equal. Sometimes people will try for a long time unsuccessfully with their "favorite" donors (based on physical attributes, interests, etc.), and then switch to a donor who has really good sperm counts (regardless of other stuff), and get pregnant right away. Do you know what the numbers were for the frozen donor sperm you were using before?

There are some banks that will tell you what the numbers are before you buy the sperm. This can make all the difference in the world.

HTH!

Lex

[sednique]

Here's what i'm kinda confused about

I posted an ad on craiglist about looking for a donor.well a guy from area responded that if i need his help(which i do) to call or text him.he did leave a number and i text him.he seems understanding and willing to help but i don't personally don't know him.this is why i want to ask my bestfriend boyfriend.if my best friend boyfriend says no then i guess i will try the guy who contacted me from craiglist.