I also wanted to to respond to Plady...
When I had dd1 6+years ago, my mentor from grad school, who Ive actually known since childhood and was my 8th grade english teacher and one of the most important people in helping me cope with my alcoholic mother as a youth, and one of the inspirations for going into Ed., anyway, she kept urging me that first year to get a job! "You need to get a job... are you looking for a job?.." And my SM did the same. I kept thinking that they were saddling me with their experience as women/mothers from the 70's, where women were much more likely to be at home without their own thing going on. I kept explaining how fulfilled I was staying home and that I didnt see doing it indefinitely, etc. Well, all these years later and I think I would urge my dd's to do what these women urged me to do, which is, cultivate your own thing, even if you dont think you need it, or that mothering is your thing. From breastfeeding, which really does suck a lot out of you, to when they are bigger and they get more bossy and ungrateful (just in the "world revolves around me" way that kids do developmentally and appropriately). I think all parents need an outlet, guilt-free, scheduled in, no compromising. I hope Im not rambling.... I have just been feeling, especially this year, that I may have given up too much for a future goal and now I find myself feeling sad and a bit mad at myself and a bit frustrated with everyone in my family for taking it all for granted, and Im realizing that I need to stand up for myself, even if, even though, its going to mean feeling guilty. I have as much to get used to putting me first and surrendering my control AND responsibility as my family needs to get used to it. I think that's the inner conflict Ive been wrestling with and/or sorting through here.
On that note; the job dh was verbally offered before he started fellowship (as in, "go do this fellowship and then come back and run our program", which is not why he did it, but was certainly a big appeal) was given to somebody else from his program who did the fellowship last year, so now he's looking at not having the job he has been fantasizing about and doing work for for the past 3 years. So yesterday I just sort of lost it, crying, told him "im done... when we started this you were thrilled to have found a job that you love and I was happy that you would come out of this training with a job that is also your passion. But along the way the passion got refocused, and now we are coming out of the training with what we dreamed of 8 years ago, but its a let down! I cant give up any more of myself for your job. If you dont get offered what you want, you need to just take a job, because I want balance back!...." I felt awful, and not even sure if I mean it in the long term, but he was totally fine with that, and the guilt lasted for about an hour, and today I feel so relieved that the stress over whether the right job will be there is not there anymore. He can *just* get a J.O.B. I felt like its a start to standing up for myself, as PATHETIC as I feel saying that.
But I do find it so interesting that several generations into womens "lib", even smart, educated, career women with parents and mentors who have forged the path and are there to advise still have to learn the lessons themselves, just as I will tell my daughter to get a part time job and sjhe will tell me how happy and fulfilled she is as a mom. sigh. Everyone must find their own path, but then, I do love this about life
Have a good day bellas